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I'm so lost, What's the worst that can possibly happen?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by twospiritlycan, Jul 1, 2013.

  1. I'm a questioning transgender, if that's how you can explain it in a simple way, and I'm afraid of my feelings. I know I dress as a female when in private, and I feel more comfortable. My close family (brother, sister, and mother) are okay with me acting feminine and dressing up.

    I still feel weird about being open to them. I'm afraid of the outside world, and my relatives. My relatives aren't the understanding open minded bunch, a good reason why my mom moved out a long time ago. I finally have a job at this new store, and their company policy allows for a respectful and equal environment for employees and customers. Among the list, gender identity and expression are included. I felt lucky to get this job, but I've had experience with workers and supervisors ignoring rules and guidelines in my previous job. I doubt they all follow the policies, and I really want to start being more open and confident about being myself.

    Facebook is something I use to keep in contact with some good friends I've come to know over the past two years. But I worry about one particular friend. He doesn't like that I let my hair grow out, saying it's unprofessional for a guy. Even if I just work minimum wage, I should be well presentable, wearing an ironed suit and having short hair because "I'm a man" and it annoys me. He really doesn't know me well enough. My other friend, she knows about my conflicting internal feelings. She is understandable. I listen to her advice every now and then.

    The big concern is my worries about how I'll be treated by my relatives, a few of my friends, my work, and people in general. I feel as though I want to start appointments with therapy, and then start from there. But I'm scared of how things will turn.
     
  2. livinglifefree

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    I think therapy is an excellent idea. It can be very helpful when dealing with life changes. As far as your family and friends go, you are just going to have to be true to who you are. You need to be around people that love and respect you for who you are. It is hard enough not being comfortable in your own skin. If they really love you, they will all come around. it just may take time. Your sexuality and gender tend to be permanent things so it is important not to live your life in hiding for too long. Other people will get used to it, too. Today people are much more accepting than they used to be. Don't get me wrong, it will not be easy by any means, but being able to be who you really are is important for any person.
     
  3. Mango

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    In general, I've found that as time marches on, we tend to become more distant and less dependent upon relationships with relatives. Our friends, associates, and co-workers become more of a central focus, insofar as relationships are concerned.

    Therefore, if you have already graduated from high school and working full-time, I would suggest that you now surround yourself with positive people who would encourage you to exercise your freedom to explore your more profound gender feelings. You must absolutely avoid anyone who would dare to dictate how you should dress, act, or express who you really are deep down inside. Always be your consistent self!

    I've found that work "policy" is usually fake. Most people at work are just a small microcosm of the entire transphobic macroscopic world outside. There are companies that have posted signs about their supposed sex and gender harassment policy everywhere, but enforce it nowhere! Some of the biggest violators of these policies are the CEO's and managerial staff members, themselves. Therefore, you can't always go by printed or stated "policy". Just be observant and cautious where employment is concerned. That's our largest hurdle here in America!
     
    #3 Mango, Jul 2, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2013
  4. sguyc

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    Don't deny yourself what you want because of people around you! These aren't even important people. Extended relatives, really how much time are you going to spend with them. Relatives are relatives, they are not going to be with you for most of your adult life. Be who you are for yourself. One friend "might" be unaccepting. That is not a good enough reason to not be who you are (there are very few reasons that justify this) At the very least there are other potential friends out there. Definitely start some therapy appoints with a counselor that has experience with trans clients, generally a therapist will be pretty useless without that experience, in my opinion.
     
  5. Krilky

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    I numbered your quotes just to make it easier to understand my post and because I'm too lazy to multi-quote.
    1. I know that feeling-the idea of publicly being with a guy feels really weird! But trust me, it will pass. I'll use clothes as an example: I ordered some running shoes recently, in a black color. But Nike somehow messed up and sent me them in neon orange. And yeah, I felt pretty awkward in them. But I gradually grew comfortable with it, and went from "but those look so stupid…" to "holy crap I look fabulous." (I actually look like an idiot in them, but what's important is how I feel about it.)
    The reason behind that unnecessarily personal, boring, stupid, and pointless anecdote is to say that you'll feel comfortable as a woman if you just spend enough time practicing.

    2. I don't want to sound harsh, but…you're in for a lot of this. Since you've been known as a man all your life, people won't be comfortable with you changing appearance. Your hair is just a sign. You don't say how long it is…like this? http://www.ehairexperts.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/guys-long-hair.jpg Like this? http://www.hji.co.uk/hjimages/images/qhs2239/hji/medium/2006-men-long.jpg Or like this? http://www.hji.co.uk/hjimages/images/qhs26144/hji/medium/2007-men-long.jpg

    I'll just assume it's the first because…well, no reason. That doesn't jive with his reality. So you have two choices:
    a. You can try to "educate" him. This will fail. No one wants to be told they're wrong. I personally get annoyed when someone liberal goes over to a conservative to "educate" them on LGBT issues or whatever, because it's so clearly going to fail and just annoys everyone.
    b. You can not be his friend anymore because someone who cares about if you wear a suit to work probably isn't a person you want to be friends with.

    3. Yeah, people in general probably won't know…unless your appearance remains very stereotypically masculine or you're 6' 5" or something. So that's not a problem. Relatives: if they give you shit, cut them out of your life. Relatives are assigned; I still don't understand people's focus on the "importance of family" if they're verbally abusive. Friends: see point a. Work is a bigger problem. Try throwing in a traditionally feminine item of clothing one day. If someone is negative about it, then you probably should wait until you've moved on to transition. Otherwise, keep stepping it up. If you can pull off something bold, then tell your manager you're transgender and good luck!