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I need advice and opinions on my situation (read more)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jabs202232, Jul 1, 2013.

  1. jabs202232

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    Okay so recently I talked to a friend of mine (Bob) who told me he used to date a guy (Tom) who's past lover asked for him to become a woman, so he began to transition and use hormone replacements,but after they broke up, he stopped using them. Bob then told me that Tom now has some more shape to his waist, hips and thighs, and that Tom looks sexy with that!
    I've ALWAYS wanted to have more curves or bigger lower body like a woman, but i don't want to have boobs or a vagina or long hair or makeup. I still wanna be a gay man, i love it. So basicly i want the appearance of a woman but not the whole package.

    Should i try to transition? What does transitioning really mean?Is transitioning even what I'm talking about or is it something different? I'm so confused with myself, i dont wanna become a woman, i wanna be a man with a penis and no boobs, but i was thinking of taking estrogen to get more of a womanly figure, but idk if thats the right thing to do.
    I looked up what estrogen does to the body...
    Pros for me:
    *slower growth of facial hair
    *slower progression of baldness
    *lowered risk of prostate cancer
    *FEMINIZATION OF BODY SHAPE AND REDISTRIBUTION OF FAT (what i want)
    *reduced chance of heart attack
    *more feminine complexion

    Cons for me:
    *increased breast size
    *decrease the size of testicles
    *lower interest in sex
    *mood or personality is altered in unpredictable ways

    So any opinions and advice of what i should do, what this makes me, if someone is doing or wants to do this aswell, please, im really confused.. Please and thank you! (&&&)
     
  2. Just Jess

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    Well first of all, transition doesn't have to involve medicine at all. Transition can mean changing your physical sex, and it certainly makes it easier. But I think to most people transition means that you stop living life as the wrong gender.

    As far as hormones, there are a couple things I don't think you've considered yet.

    One is that HRT for a transitioner going the male-to-female direction involves two drugs. One of them blocks your boy hormones, and one of them is girl hormones. Most of us that are transitioning don't plan on taking the blocker forever. We plan on, not gonna be PC about this since I really want you to know what you are getting into, getting castrated eventually. It's no big deal since the hormones by themselves cause something called "chemical castration" anyway. I am actually really looking forward to being able to get my testicles removed completely.

    The reason why that's important, is because if you take blockers for a long time, you increase the risk of a disease called DVT. Now modern HRT is pretty safe and if you're under a doctor's care, and they're keeping a good eye on your hormones, your risk is low. But what DVT is, is a blood clot in your legs that can travel up to your heart and stop it. Or it can get into your lungs and prevent you from being able to get air into your blood. The technical term for when that happens is an embolism.

    And I have just a fear of embolisms anyway. That scene from "The Ring 2" where that kid injects an air bubble into that person's IV and it's slowly travelling up toward their veins? Nightmares for a week. I get really scared of something divers get called "the bends" too.

    But again, that is a health risk we can minimize, and modern HRT is safe for trans women.

    The other big thing though is that hormones change you. Now me, I've always felt like my brain just wasn't set up to take boy hormones that well. So for me estrogen is going to feel like coming home from a long journey. But I can say from experience that even if I had to become the ugliest woman alive, hormones would still be worth it to me, and that's really what I wanted to help you understand.

    Having the wrong hormones sucks. Real real bad. Just nothing makes sense, you are acting 100% of the time... I'm trying to think of a good way to explain this and it's really not easy.

    But basically you are here asking if it is a good idea to become a female-to-male transsexual. I really feel that's what you would become if you took girl hormones.

    I guess there is one more really important thing to consider. So... I'm going to just take a guess here and assume that, like me, you enjoy using your prostate when it's time for fun, right? The part of you that makes "bottom" fun? Well here's the other thing. Hormones shrink that. It stops working as well. You stop needing it really. Again, something I'm looking forward to, but something you might not be.

    Now hey I know a lot of that sounds really after school special. I didn't once tell you no, although just personally I think it's a bad idea. I just want to make sure you have all the facts.

    But believe me I understand just wanting to look more feminine :slight_smile: Hopefully I can help a little in that department.

    So one thing that has been AMAZING for me is laser hair removal. It's not cheap, but it's not as expensive as you've probably heard. For a few hundred bucks you can never ever have to shave again. And it is night and day how much more feminine your face looks. If you don't have dark hair like me a lot of people do electrolysis.

    Another thing you can do is buy some breastforms and some hip padding. Ignore the paragraph at the top because you're more into feeling comfortable with you and your body than passing (the woman that runs the site, "Deep Stealth", is really into helping us t-girls pass), but you can find good advice on breastforms here, Breast forms

    And if you really want to be perceived as female by other people you can always practice with your voice for free. The youtube I started with is by a girl named "CandiFLA".

    Also, you can get rid of your body hair. And as soon as I don't have to go back to guy mode any more I'm so going to get my eyebrows taken care of.

    So yeah, between body hair removal, thinning your eyebrows, voice, breast forms and hip padding, and you know what go ahead and learn make up just because it's fun. And believe me you can get yourself to look incredibly feminine.

    Oh the last big thing! If you ever want to hide, you know, you can make a gaffe really easy by cutting the toe off an ankle sock and running the waistband from a pair of underwear through it. It's way more comfortable than you think, and you can wear girl's jeans with no fear after that :slight_smile:

    Hey last... what happened with your friend kind of makes me sad :frowning2: Just calling a spade a spade it sounds like your friend Bob was in an abusive relationship. Just from what I hear on this end.
     
    #2 Just Jess, Jul 1, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2013
  3. DhammaGamer

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    If you take estrogen and a testosterone blocker, then you will most likely develop breasts. Plus it greatly hinders the masculine libido and can make it impossible for some people to get or maintain an erection. There are also very potent mental effects correlated with hormone therapy as well. I don't think it would be a good idea for a man to take estrogen. You would figuratively be turning yourself into a man trapped in a woman's body.
     
  4. Just Jess

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    Thanks, sorry, I have a nasty habit of writing a book when I reply to stuff like this :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. jabs202232

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    I was doing some more reasearch and i found out that I'm probably androgynous. Or atleast thats what i think i am. I like the idea of androgyny, just wish i had better lower body, since i have chicken legs and small thighs. I don't think i want to do estrogen anymore, but i wish there was another way to reshape my body even a little, without surgery, and i've tried exercise, believe me.

    ---------- Post added 1st Jul 2013 at 09:58 PM ----------

    yeah, after doing more research and asking, i know estrogen isn't for me, even tho i wan the bigger lower body. :\
     
  6. Mango

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    Transitioning can mean several things. It could mean going all the way with SRS and HRT. It could also mean that you are changing certain aspects or features about both your psychological and physical self. For some trans people, this means simply coming out and fully expressing themselves as the preferred gender, without taking any female hormones. For others, it could just be a matter of developing a lifestyle, where cross-dressing becomes a regular scheduled activity.
     
  7. Chip

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    OP: I don't hear you saying you want to transition at all; i hear you describing a desire for physical attributes. If I'm hearing you correctly, it would not be unlike a really skinny guy who decides he wants well-defined muscles.

    And I'm sorry, but as far as your friend goes, I think it's *incredibly* messed up for someone to tell his partner "I want you to look like a girl" and the partner to just decide to start taking hormones to do that.

    I think what you're dealing with has more to do with comfort about your own body and body image than it does with being trans or even androgynous. It can be a slippery slope to say "I'll be happy about my body if _________________ happens." It implies a dissatisfaction with who you are now, and usually, that doesn't go away because you make the change... you just reset the goal somewhere else. This might be something best suited to talking about with a therapist or counselor.
     
  8. Fugs

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    Yeah what chip said. You will change your body permanently by going through HRT. You'll grow breasts, your hips don't actually change except for fat maybe. No doctor in their right mind would put you on HRT just so you can look more feminine.
     
  9. jabs202232

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    thank you chip, that is what i meant, and you are right, as much as i want a better body, i know taking hrt is not the thing i should do, and it wasn't my friend who made him do that, it was that guys ex, who did
     
  10. sguyc

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    Talk to a therapist...

    There are plenty of people who decided they weren't part of the binary that still use HRT to feel more comfortable with themselves.