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The STARING when out with family/friends...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TheMightyBoosh, Jul 2, 2013.

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  1. TheMightyBoosh

    TheMightyBoosh
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    So urm... lately I have experienced the joys of passing, but mainly I half pass
    I went with my dad to pick up one of my sister's from her bf's house and well my dad told me to go knock so I did and my sisters bf's brother answered (I'm guessing early/late 20's)
    and well he kinda looked at my really weird, it was something i hadn't really experienced up close like that before, from a far sure but i dunno it made me feel really uncomfortable with myself.

    Then he told me to hang on whilst he went and got my sister, :confused: he closed the door then I heard him shout to my sister "(my sisters name)! your...urm....sister's here? :bang: then mumbled to this guy "Urm I am assuming it's her sister but I honestly can't tell"
    at the time I laughed it off but it made me feel so upset after. :icon_sad:


    When my dad (not real dad but he is) mum and I went for a meal yesterday and I really didn't want to use the toilets cause well....:icon_eek:

    I managed to hold it but after 3 bleeping drinks :beer: I had to pee! So i walked over...and went in all was good, no one else was in there *phew* :thumbsup: but when I came out there was this woman and guy who stared at me and then the guy mumbled something to her which I couldn't quite hear...:icon_redf :eusa_eh:

    When I had my food ordered I think I managed to pass to the waitress at least till my mum said "she" for whatever reason then the waitress looked a little bit shocked I guess
    but managed to mask it and then glanced at me and then I felt like I wanted to leave. :eusa_shif

    My point is how do I deal with staring? It's really hard to ignore... should I ask my mum to
    call me "he" and ask my sisters to too? Cause I don't think she ever will...refer to me as "he". :eusa_thin

    I am planning on going shopping tomorrow (Thursday) as I have an appointment in town about college plans *groans* and am gonna maybe get a few new shirts and stuff but I am anxious about it cause of other people also what is going to happen at college!!?

    What is your experience with passing (Ftm's or Mtf's) ?? Advice?? Tips? What about when out with family?

    Please answer, thanks.

    I just want to be able to embrace me and not give a damn :***: about what anyone thinks. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: :newcolor: :music:

    :eusa_pray
     
    #1 TheMightyBoosh, Jul 2, 2013
  2. Hexagon

    Hexagon
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    Yes, ask your parents to call you he. At first, it was the same with me. They refused to do it. But I worked on it. Correct them every time they get it wrong. Make a thing about it. Show them how much its hurting you to be called she. Give them a list of murdered trans people, and tell them if they don't call you he in public, that could happen to you. But basically, start early, because it sounds like it will take them time, and the time it takes won't start at all unless you start demanding they treat you properly.

    Also, which bathroom did you use? You should use the mens.

    Can you work on passing better? I don't know if there are some specific aspects of your appearance that are letting you down. Physically, you can lift weights to develop a more male frame. If you want, you can get some shoes that add up to 1.5cm or so to your height without anything looking odd. I also used to have some insoles that did that.

    You can practice your voice. Its hard to make perfect without T, but you can get it low enough to pass. Check your body language and mannerisms to make sure you're using male body language. And since your going shopping, make sure the clothes you choose help you pass as much as possible, and avoid clothes that accentuate any curves. Obviously, get male clothes.

    Are you just starting college or is it your second year? If you're starting, I see no reason why you can't go stealth. Contact the administrators and tell them about your change of name and gender - if they have issues, cite the 2010 equality act. Basically, they can't legally treat you badly or tell the students.

    If you're going back for your second year, you'll have to be out to the students obviously, but you can still present as male and insist on male name and pronouns. The administrators, again, will have to be informed about your change of name and gender.
     
    #2 Hexagon, Jul 3, 2013
  3. DhammaGamer

    DhammaGamer
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    If any other man was accidentally referred to as "she" do you think he would have any qualms whatsoever with correcting that error? No, none at all. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a very handsome young man. Your family slips up because they are just used to calling you a girl. Politely correct them when they slip up, and as time passes it will slowly improve. As for the rest of the world, they have no reason whatsoever to be staring at you or trying to put you down for whatever assumptions they may be making about your medical history, gender, or sexuality. When people are being dicks, I just turn the other cheek and move on with my life. They don't matter anyways.
     
    #3 DhammaGamer, Jul 3, 2013
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