1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The older I get, the less my feelings make sense..Advice PLEASE?!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by jmw61289, Jul 5, 2013.

  1. jmw61289

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2013
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Marion, NY
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey I'm Justina, I'm new here. I'm a 24 year old mom, and currently live with my sons father/boyfriend of 4 years. For a long time I've known that it was possible for me to like both guys and girls, but never really put a label on it. The first person I ever had feelings for and ever slept with was a girl (from age 10-13). My oldest sister (13 years older than me) is married to a girl and has been out of the closet for as long as I can remember, so needless to say I was brought up in a very accepting home, with very supportive and loving people (both parents included). I also have 2 other sisters who are older and are wonderfully supportive of all sexual orientations. Having said that... I care for my sons father (not nearly as much as I used to considering he is an alcoholic and has been abusive on many occasions to me), lately I have been more seeing girls as attractive and whenever I see a lesbian couple I get envious and almost sad as to why I can't have that. I am starting to think that maybe I have only been with my sons father this long for my sons sake...not because I actually want to be with him. I do have fantasies about women and never about men...But, what I am confused about is, is am I having these feelings because I dislike being with my sons father so much, or because they are true feelings about who I am really meant to be. I find women beautiful and am very attracted to some, and can also look at a guy as attractive, but can't see myself thinking about a guy the same way I do a girl...I don't know how to express the severity of my feelings in words...But, any advice anyone? Or does anyone know what I'm going through

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2013 at 07:51 PM ----------

    I know my relationship is terrible and I should get out anyway (for mine and my sons sakes), but do I feel no attraction anymore because of the way our relationship has unfolded, or because I generally don't like guys anymore? I know it's hard to give advice on such a broad subject with barely knowing me..so if anyone has questions that they think may help with advice, I am an open book!

    ---------- Post added 5th Jul 2013 at 07:51 PM ----------

    I could also just use friends... I don't have any of those, I don't even have a friend in my sons father.
     
  2. You bring up a lot of points, but I don't think it's possible to know where your feelings come from until you've moved away from your current situation. Have some time alone. Perhaps during that time you will determine where your feelings come from, whether it's a disdain for men from your current situation, or a preferred attraction for women.
     
  3. LaplaceScramble

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2011
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So, more or less repeating what phospholipase said, the situation you're in and you're current state of uncertainty definitely shouldn't be dealt with at the same time, as one might negatively affect the outcome of the other. It could very well be that you do not find men attractive and that you are only interested in being in a relationship with a woman. But it could also be that you hold such contempt for your son's father that it's forced you to view all men that way and you've become slightly homoromantic.

    The best thing to do would be deal with your son's father, and then sort out your feelings.
     
  4. jmw61289

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2013
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Marion, NY
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you both, I know what I have to do...It's just the coming to terms with, and following through with what has to be done that is so hard to do.