Ok so I'm 14 and I am a strong Christian and I have a normal life, everybody thinks I'm the nice kid who is perfect and doesn't slip up or commit sin but the scariest thought is.... I probably commuted the biggest sin out of anyone I know, If anybody knew I watched gay porn they would drop dead of disbelief and it is slowly driving me crazy this constant desire of men with sexy bodies, I'm not turned on by women but I still think they're beautiful and I like their personalities I'm just not turned on by them, I need help I'm stuck in constant regret masturbating if not viewing porn both of which are frowned upon in my religion I don't know how to stop somebody anybody help me.... Please....
I can't speak from personal experience, but here are some posts on reconciling being Christan and being attracted to guys that our members have found helpful in the past: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...ice-about-being-lgbt-christian-very-long.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...now-i-just-dont-know-what-do.html#post1101418
Search out Matthew Vines' video on Youtube. He's a sharp Harvard student who spent several years researching the Bible's view on homosexuality. His hour-long video has singlehandedly changed the minds and opinions of a lot of Christians on the acceptability of homosexuality. From what you are saying, it seems pretty likely you are gay, and I'm sure that isn't what you want to hear... but it's important to start thinking about that possibility and learning to love yourself as you are, because, gay or straight, God made you that way, and He doesn't make mistakes, nor will He stop loving you because of who you are, and how he created you. Nor does it make sense that He'd create you with love for other men, and then condemn you for it and expect that you won't act on it. Accepting oneself as gay and Christian is a challenge, but I think if you listen to Matthew Vines' video, watch Prayers for Bobby and For The Bible Tells Me So, I think you can start to change your opinion of yourself and start learning to feel the love for yourself that you deserve.
If I turn gay then I am ex communicated from my church aka I can't have anything to do with it anymore and I'm not attracted to men just their bodies and I still like girls personalities, I would kill for a girlfriend but that is also forbidden at my age from my church I'm pretty sure I'm not gay.
There are other churches that don't have a problem with being gay. If you find it distressing to watch gay porn, then don't do so. Virtually every man in your church (and the rest of planet) masturbates at least sometimes, many on a regular basis. Masturbation is normal and healthy and the idea that you shouldn't do it is out of date. While you may not be gay, based on what you're describing it rather sounds like you are. Although, you might also be bi or be romantically attracted to women, but sexually attracted to men. It's not necessarily a simple either/or situation. One thing you might try is masturbating without porn and just using your imagination. Let the fantasy go wherever it wants with no judgement or ideas about what is 'right' or 'wrong' or what you 'should' be thinking about. Do you find yourself imagining stuff with a guy or with a woman? You might also try masturbating while thinking about guys and then again while thinking about women. Which feels better or more intense for you? Remember, while doing any of these there is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer. You are just fantasizing and it's ok to think about whatever you want. Hope this helps, Todd
