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Tonight I encountered homophobia. everywhere.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by srslywtf, Jul 6, 2013.

  1. srslywtf

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    So after freaking out last night, I decide to try and go out again.

    It wasn't so bad in that regard.. awkward at times.. but what really got me was.. the sheer level of homophobia all around me. I sure am glad I wore long sleeves cos I was wearing my rainbow bracelet and wish I hadn't...

    3 separate occasions within the space of about an hour...

    Friend #1 (male) "So this guy started hitting on me while I was walking to the carpark, I almost ran him over in my car I was in such a rush to get away from him. gays should only be allowed to hit on people in gay bars"

    Friend #2 "F:***:ng faggots." - said in the most hateful manner possible.

    Friends #3/4/5 "These two fags stole our table, somebody should put a chair through their skull"

    At this point I got in my car and went home ASAP.

    Today I was feeling like just coming out to everyone... it would all be fine. then tonight I'm just like :eek: Wow. I mean I figured there would be some people like that... but gahhhh they're all around me! My closest friends!

    - No wonder I repressed my own feelings for so long:confused:
     
  2. Snorlax

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    I totally agree that when you are surrounded by such people, it only makes coming out so much harder. How long have you known these friends? Would it be possible to expand your circle and be friends with more open-minded people? You cannot choose your family, but you can definitely choose your friends.
     
  3. BelleLey

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    Not easy coming out with this kind of people arround. Unfortunately haters are everywhere. In France we just had a law that allows gay marriage, i was so surprised when i saw how many people were against it !
     
  4. srslywtf

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    Yeah I am trying to make new friends, it just takes a long time , and really I want to be out trying to meet guys and able to be myself at least around the people im with. These people tonight. I live with one of them. in his house. How can I even keep living here?

    I have some good leads developing though in terms of new friends... things will get better, its just waiting that sucks.
     
  5. BelleLey

    BelleLey Guest

    Hang in there, good persons are hard to find, but once you have them it's for good.
     
  6. Amerigo

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    ah repression, i know it well
     
  7. Hiems

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    One thing that is stopping me from coming out to my brother is that he uses homophobic language as well. But I don't think he genuinely dislikes gay people. Rather, his friends use such language around him so often that he just picked it up.

    Yet they don't even know how hurtful some words can be. As Macklemore says, the more frequently people use homophobic language in an offensive context, the more they perpetuate the idea that "gay is synonymous with the lesser". However, society is slowly making progress, so at least there's some hope...

    Anyways, hang in there. I'm sure you'll be able to find other people who are more accepting (*hug*)
     
  8. srslywtf

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    Yeah... everyone around here uses that kind of language... I certainly notice it but I've been around it so long it's kind of lost it's impact...

    What has surprised me is the number of people who actually use the language in a purposely hateful way...

    I was talking to a guy I work with the other day and somehow the topic came up and his statement was simply

    "I fucking hate faggots"
     
  9. Snorlax

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    There is a very fine line between saying it with intention to hurt, and as a tongue-in-cheek comment. It all comes down to how well you know the person to be able to figure out if they are serious or just joking. A few of my colleagues sometime use "that's gay" as a negative expression, but I know it is more a habit rather than being homophobic. Having said that, there was a time while we were having a drink after work and one guy was venting about somebody else, whom he called a "faggot". Of course the target wasn't gay, but the term was used as a derogatory comment. I quickly corrected him on the spot (I'm not out) by telling him to be careful with his words in public because some people who are within earshot might be offended. Ever since then, none of them said it again, and as I'm typing this out and trying to recall, I haven't heard "that's gay" in such a long time now.
     
    #9 Snorlax, Jul 6, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2013
  10. pinklov3ly

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    Oh, gosh, you seriously need some new friends and asap. I'm pretty close to my friends and even if I were not gay, I'd never let them get away with speaking such vulgar language. Any derogatory word about gay people is off limits in my home. I do not allow it, and if I hear any one of my close friends saying anything negative, I'll check them quick as hell. There's no reason to use that kind of language no matter what.

    I used to feel like crap whenever I'd hear the homophobic people that I know use such language. I think you can tell them that you find their behavior is offensive without giving yourself away. If not then, you better start growing thicker skin, because it's only going to continue.
     
    #10 pinklov3ly, Jul 6, 2013
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  11. srslywtf

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    Thanks lov3ly... yeah I really do. I'm trying. What I REALLY need is a new job so I can get out of this house. Im pretty sure my housemate (who owns the place) wouldnt really care, but after last night.. I am not so sure. I was very surprised/shocked!

    Besides that just gotta keep working on new friends. which is hard but slowly and steadily (Hopefully) it will happen.

    I'm afraid of calling them out on it because if they say something like "what are you a fag?" I dont want to lie. because I'm trying to get to the point where people know what I am.
     
  12. Straight ally

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    1- come out first to individual people who can keep a secret

    2- come out to your homophobic friends, see how they react.

    Sometimes people change their view on something when people that are close to them are part of that something. If you have read enough coming out stories, you probably have noticed that many times when someone comes out to an homophobic person the reaction is positive.

    3- if the reaction is bad give them time and space, dont pursue them let them go if they want to go and get new friends.
     
  13. Aster Tataricus

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    :eek: Ehh... That would freak me out too. You think you know people, and then, they show an uglier side than what you expected. Like others have said. These "friends" aren't going to be very supportive if you do come out to them. It might be out of habit, and not out of homophobia, but it wouldn't hurt to be safe?

    I actually hate that word. "Homophobia" They ain't afraid of of us. They freaking disrespect us, and treat us like common trash. We should come up with our own slang words for straights :wink: Like "Your the ones who are going STRAIGHT to hell".

    No, not really. We shouldn't fight fire with fire.

    Make new friends. Find people like you close to your area :thumbsup:

    Take care!
     
  14. Linthras

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    [​IMG]


    A rather old one is breeders.
     
  15. chrisV

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    if they are GOOD friends, they will accept you. but from personal experience, i can tell you that might not be the case. but do you really want to stay in the closet just so you don't lose some SHITTY friends? make some other friends who won't be such assholes.
     
  16. srslywtf

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    No I don't at all plan on staying in... They've been longtime friends but I'm not particularly close. If I get some others I could probably leave them behind.

    Story of my life... many friends, nobody close enough to talk to though.
    Maybe thats because I didn't know myself so I couldnt properly open up to anyone? Hmm... :bang:
     
  17. WhoAmI26

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    srslywtf,

    If they are real friends of yours, it might take some reflection and time on their part, but they'll come around to accepting you. If they aren't, I wouldn't consider it a big loss. I've only ever been friends with heterosexual males, and although I hear the term "fag" thrown around sometimes, I've never heard any of my close friends suggest harming anybody.
     
  18. apandemisexual

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    They are afraid. Afraid they will turn. Afraid that what if deep down they knowingly or unknowingly have gay tendencies as well and being around gay people reminds them of that.
    Easier to silence those thoughts with anger and hatred. Of course, this only applies to some homophobes. Some are just plain ignorant.

    OT: One or two of your friends might be suppressing something themselves if you know what I mean. But to be on the safer side, spend less time with them and slowly drift away from them. Meet new people with similar interests and are open-minded.