Saw this forum when searching for advice. I'm out and have been for about a year now and have just finished college. I liked this guy at college for ages and my friends had always said that he was probably gay and that i should go for it, but i wasn't really sure he was. Anyway, through a friend i found out he was gay and on a gay app under another name. I asked him about it but he pretended not to know what i was talking about even though i said i had no intention of outing him. What i want to know is if i should just leave it or not? I want to help him and know that he feels pretty shitty about the whole thing and is probably in denial, but i don't want to upset him and try to force him to come out to me.
All you can do is be there for him as a friend. If he's not ready to come out to others, that's his call to make. Maybe just hang out with him in a friendly way and he'll see that you're just a guy who likes other guys and that could be a good model for him to see, if that makes sense. Let things go on from there. I wish you the best. =)
I agree with everyone. He may not have someone to confide in that knows what he's dealing with. Just be friendly and be open. Making him feel comfortable may open a door.
I didn't come out to my first queer friend for a whole year after first wanting to ask her advice. What helped me was just them being comfortable and open and matter of fact about their orientations. It was normalizing, and even when I wasn't discussing what I had going on it was making me feel better. But I didn't come out before that because I just wasn't ready. I got closer to being ready every time I hung around them, and saw how comfortable they are with themselves. But it was slow baby steps. I got there eventually. Also, if one of my queer friends had asked me directly about my orientation it could have easily scared me further into my closet. Right before I came to them I think I could have handled them asking, but any sooner and I would have freaked out a bit.
