Lately my dysphoria has been really, really bad, triggering my anxiety, and its really getting to me. I have to bind as tight as possible 24/7 and am even wearing a binder to bed, and I keep avoiding taking showers. I'm eating less and sleeping less and exercising excessively to try and make up for my Marilyn Monroe body. I'm constantly self conscious, I feel like I'm going to vibrate out of my own skin or catch on fire and I almost want to. I'm only 16, I don't have a therapist and I don't know how to deal with this and I don't have anybody to talk to. Can anybody give me some advice on coping until I can make progress?
First off... (*hug*) I will admit that I while I struggle with anxiety and dysphoria, I have never felt it to that degree. So what I'm going to say might be soundly unhelpful so take it all with a grain of salt. I'm a curvy guy myself and it's frustrating as hell to deal with, to say the least. So I think the most important thing you can do for yourself at this point, since I take it it'll be a while before you can transition, is to take care of your body. It's hard to like a body that doesn't match you, believe me. But even if you transition tomorrow, the best thing to have is your health on hand going into it. Now exercise, I believe, is an excellent way of coping with dysphoria. Good way of releasing tension and eventually working your body into a more masculine shape. But overdoing it won't do you any favors. Nor will undereating or skipping out on sleep. Adopt a balanced diet, get your sleep, and a regular workout routine should do the trick. As far as the binding goes, I know how tempting it is to go for a perfectly flat chest. I've had plenty of nights with the duct tape around my chest to know that. But remember, cis male chests aren't perfectly flat either. Cisguys have abs, even moobs, and the point of binding in the first place is to create the appearance of a masculine chest. And again, it's tempting but don't sleep in the binder. Too risky. If at all possible, I would suggest looking into a therapist. Are you out to anyone or do you have access to a LGBT support group? And if not, you're always free to vent here on EC. There's absolutely nothing wrong with venting and I'm here if needed. Hang in there, mate.
Yeah, I know how you mean with the duct tape, but believe me I've learned that lesson a few times over. Since I posted this, I bought a sports bra for sleep. I do go to a pretty large bi-monthly lgbt teen group but I'm the only trans* kid or adviser there, and I've brought it up once or twice but 'lgb' and 't' are really too different. But I think maybe if I can steel myself up enough, it might be a good idea to talk to my dad about going to see a counselor, especially if it might help with transitioning once I'm old enough. And, thanks for the help, I was beginning to think I might not get a response.
