Using Bisexuality As A Stepping Stone To Coming Out?

If a gay person feels the need to say this to ease the process of coming out, so be it I guess. But really, it's like taking out a confidence loan. It's easier to deal with the expense in stressfulness at first, but you have to pay it back with extra when you tell everybody you're actually fully gay, basically going through the whole thing again and now your audience knows you lied. Personally I'd recommend just telling the truth; if you're going to come out, come out as what you actually are, not just "out" into another closet.

It does sort of reduce bisexuality to the label of an insecure homosexual, but we don't have a copyright on the word and shouldn't try to take it away from others by force. The real truth comes out in time.

 

Well, in the long run it kind of isn't a good thing.

1. People can hold onto hope that you'd settle down with someone of the opposite sex.
2. You'd have to tell them later on, perhaps, that you're actually gay and not bisexual.
3. It's not fair to people who actually identify as bisexual.

That's how I see it. Of course, some genuinely do think they were bisexual but then realize they weren't. It sounds like that's not the case for you or for the people in those videos you watched, though.

 

I wouldn't recommend it. Going through the world bi is its own headache and one shouldn't take that on, especially if they know that the label doesn't fit them.

 

Coming out as bisexual before sounds like a bad idea. If you need time to think through being gay and accepting don't come out at all just keep it to you self.

 

I would say, generally, if you know you're not bisexual, you shouldn't come out specifically as bisexual. There may be exceptions to this, like if someone is worried how a potentially abusive authority figure will react and wants to test the waters.

Everyone's situation is different, it's hard enough to come out without being judged or scolded by others about how you do it. Still, it's probably better to be as honest as possible if you feel like you need to say something, or at least don't say things you know don't reflect how you feel. It's better for bisexuality as an identity too, less people will have the experience of it being "something gay people present as before fully coming out". It's also okay to say you're still questioning or learning about yourself.

(Disclaimer: I'm using "you" generally here.)

 

Luthan seems to have covered the important points, and I think it'd be safe to add that people can be accepting once, but worse case scenario, people may also see your 'coming out again' as you trying for attention, and then they will believe you were making up being bi as well. (I know this from experience, thinking I was bi and then trying to correct them by saying I was pan).

The long and short of it just comes down to this. Coming out once can be difficult. Coming out twice more so.

 

As a true bisexual, the more I think about it, the more it upsets me. It does make bisexuality look like a phase and/or a coverup for homosexuality. If you're gay and are going to come out, do it honestly. Why come out as something you're not if you go through all that trouble to come out in the first place?

 

I personally think dont come out to anyone unless u r sure of who u r (gay, bi,trans etc) i think if someone were to come out as bi wen not 100% sure if u r bi or gay and then later in life start telling friends and family that u r gay maybe some people might not take it seriously? I donno maybe im wrong but that has always seemed lik a bad idea to me.

 

As someone that tried it I have to say its a REALLY bad idea. Biphobia is awful, it ended up sending me back to the closet for 17 years.

I know bisexuality SEEMS easier, but it definitely isn't.

 

Absolutely this.

 

I agree with many of the posts made above, especially by yidnah87 and Femmeme. It is a valid sexual orientation in some cases and in other cases it's a way to soften the blow, no pun intended, and then it's onward to being exclusively homosexual. The other thing is it has its own set of hazards, like not being taken seriously and the likelihood that one gender (generally the opposite sex) will be wary of getting involved with you in a serious relationship, especially if the bisexual is male. The issue is twofold - they are looking for a stable monogamous mate to build a life around and they are concerned about sexually transmitted infections. Both are valid concerns, depending on the nature of the mate.

I think most bisexuals prefer a gender over the other, though, and it can be for affectional or sexual purposes, or both, which can get more complicated. The answer is that it's complicated! It's not as reductionist as people make it sound.

 

I agree with Chip. As one who considered calling himself bi but in reality I knew I was now gay I think it is disingenuous to those who are truly bi. EC is slowly opening my eyes to the fact that indeed I might have been gay all along but in denial. I wish I had discovered this sooner in my life. Being gay is one the best things that has ever "happened" to me . I proudly say now I am 100% gay and proud of it.

 

I originally identified as bisexual because I was still attracted (and still am in some way) to women, which meant that I didn't think I identified as 100% gay at that time.

In my opinion, that could be another reason why many come out as Bi before coming out as gay.

 

And this is fair. However, I have always thought of bisexuality, and sexuality, as mostly a mechanical thing. I went away to college with an experience the prior spring while a senior in high school that was not exactly expected, and which I've described before, and it was jarring to me. A guy in his mid 30s got his way with a friend of mine and I. Because "it" had been stored for a while, the experience was intense. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Did I feel guilt? Well, I didn't want it to be public knowledge, so as long as just the parties involved knew, it was fine. You just don't tell family members and your friends that, as a high school senior, you were involved in casual sex with a guy that age. I wondered if this would impact my ability to be aroused by a woman as I went away to college. It did not. Toward the end of college, a girl awoke me while snoozing in the library by inserting her hand inside my shirt and rubbing my chest. While at work one summer during school, a woman in her early 30s walked up behind me and started massaging my neck and shoulders. Boink, on both occasions. But there are OTHER issues at hand, too, those being the need for emotional gratification. Some need it more than others. If a 28 year old walked up to me and I found her attractive, and there was no chance of STIs, impregnation, and she implied it to only be a one night stand, I would accept. But that's not going to happen anymore. Offers come from women who I do not want to be involved with because our lives don't intersect and I sense some neediness, often after diminished access to regular sex after their divorces. All opportunities have been more like this, which is relevant to my age bracket, and I'm not interested because they really badly want someone else in their lives in a significant other sort of way. In one occasion, I ended a friendship with someone because his sister, in a situation like the one described above, would not stop with the come-ons. I shrugged off every advance and I owed her no explanations. Similarly, I've had NSA sex with guys in the recent past, under those implied terms, but if someone wanted to move in a little closer and I found I was not interested in anything beyond a friendship, I would also keep that from occurring. So, there's sexual attraction and performance, and there's romantic attraction and behavior. I haven't experienced much of the latter lately so, it is what it is.

 

Some people do that, I really don't think this is a good idea. The way I see it, it'll just make coming out as gay more awkward for the person coming out when they do come out as gay, and it might confuse and frustrate the people they're coming out to by coming out as bisexual first, and gay later. And furthermore, I suspect that this might be a reason why some people believe that bisexuality doesn't exist or that bisexuals aren't really bisexual. Not the only reason or the biggest reason, but one of the reasons.

 

I'm just imagining an infitine loop of closets, like looking into two paralell mirrors. :lol: Now you can never come out! :badgrin: But then I feel like escaping infinite closets is a good idea.

That said, I am still kind of questioning... (hence the question marks). But I feel like it's easier as a kind of temporary label for myself that makes it easier for me to understand myself at the moment. I am attracted to both men and women at the moment, bisexual seems to fit. I haven't really come out except on this site though.

I don't like that some people don't seem to think bisexual isn't a real thing, or that it isn't a legitimate orientation. Because it is.

 

Two coming outs: Elton John. First as bi, later as gay. That was his particular chronology. Maybe that's what he felt at those points in time. We don't know. No one disses him, that's for sure. However, he is a musical artist.

For others, the effects are different. Anderson Cooper doesn't appear to have been affected, since he is largely a reporter. However, Rupert Everett has been affected by his announcement and is vocal about it. Whenever it's a male box office heart throb, the outcome is unpredictable because their appeal is often geared at getting women into the cinemas. And, for the guys in professional sports, well, let's see where that goes ... and I hope Alan Gendreau finds a professional football team to kick for.