Please read and listen to me :(

Sounds like you are sexually attracted to other guys. I wouldn't recommend trying to resist it- it will just make you more ashamed of yourself and hurt you in the long run. If you are bi or gay, just know that you were born that way and your mother shouldn't be telling you that it's "a choice." God loves you no matter what, and he wouldn't have created you this way if he didn't want you to be this way. Wishing you nothing but the best (*hug*)

 

This may sound a bit harsh, but is not intended to be...

If you are gay or bi, it has nothing to do with childhood abuse, or how you were raised, or whether you believe in God or not. No amount of prayer can make you not gay or 'cure' you. If it could there would be far fewer gay people in the world because many people grow up in religious households and try desperately to pray to God to make their gay feelings go away. It never works. Some people try to hide or suppress their attractions, sometimes for years. They may marry someone of the opposite sex and even have children. And they are either miserable the whole time or eventually end up not being able to take it anymore and come out. But now they have to deal with divorce and stress on their kids and feeling like they missed out on a big chunk of life. There is no need for you to go thru all that.

It is unfortunate that your mother is trying to force you to be the way she wants, but she cannot make you be straight any more than she can make you stop liking a certain food. You are as you are and if she is uncomfortable with it, that is her problem, not yours. If she tried to tell you that whether or not someone likes the taste of guacamole made them a good or bad person, would that make any sense to you? Probably not. The same applies here.

Regarding some of your specific points:

In the working world, people generally care about how hard you work and how good a job you do. They don't are about who you are attracted to. Many large companies (and nearly all of the Fortune 500 companies) have specific policies forbidding discrimination based on sexual orientation. I work for one of those companies and I'm totally out and open with my boss (who pretty much thinks I walk on water) and my coworkers. I talk about my partner the same way they talk about their husbands/wives/significant others, he's met my boss and coworkers, and he came to our team holiday party last December. Pretty much the same thing was the case at my previous two jobs, which are also Fortune 500 companies.

You can also join the military and be openly gay now. Military service is an honorable job and can lead to jobs outside the military after you finish your service.

Discrimination is always possible. So are car accidents or getting mugged. The way to handle them is the same. Be careful, stay out of dangerous situations, and work to make the world a better place where it isn't a problem anymore.

Not all gay guys are effeminate and very few gay guys dress as women. Those are both stereotypes. Effeminate gay men are easier to notice, but they are just acting naturally for them. There are also lots of gay guys who like to get dirty, work on cars or trucks, hunt, fish, go to the shooting range, watch sports, or do whatever else you think of as stuff that straight guys do. In the military, there are lots of soldiers who are big, muscular, covered in tattoos, curse like crazy, and tough as nails. They do their jobs in part to protect your moms right to believe as she does. And when they go home at night, or get home after being overseas, they want nothing more than to be with their boyfriend or husband (who may also be a soldier and as big, muscular, tattoo covered, etc. as they are) so they can give him a kiss and hold him in their arms and fall asleep with him that night.

Men who dress as women may be gay or straight and may do it for different reasons from it being a form of entertainment/art/political statement to finding it a turn on to being transgender (they are a woman who was born into a mans body). It's complicated and is not as simple as just being gay.

At the end of the day, you need to live and behave in the way that is comfortable for you, whether that means being effeminate or masculine or some mix of the two.

You don't need to be afraid and you don't need to feel hopeless. We're all here for you and are happy to talk and listen. There may also be support groups in your area or at your school. They might let you talk face to face with others like you or who have gone thru what you are going thru.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

I would comment something else but I think the above pretty much covers it. You're young, you're 14, it's ok to try new things and test the waters. And in the end, you are who you are, and that's fine.

 

This seems very ironic to me....

I think that she is the one who needs to be a little more open minded. Don't let people like this tell you how to run your life. If you re going to pray, pray for her to open her eyes and be the one a little more open minded.

 

Always happy to help man. Hang in there

Something I forgot to mention before...

Not all churches take the same view on being gay. Some denominations have a reputation for being very supportive and positive toward LGBT people. The Unitarians and the Episcopalians come to mind. If religion is important to you, you might check these churches out and see if there is a local congregation that is gay friendly and that appeals to you or that has a priest/pastor you could talk to.

You might also see if there is a local chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) in your area. Again they could provide local face-to-face support.

Both of these options might also be people your mom could talk to to help her start accepting you as you are ( if you can get her to go).

Hope this helps.

Best,

Todd :smilewave

 

I'm a UU and i can tell you that being in such a loving environment has really helped me accept my own sexuality.

 

child abuse victims can be straight.

intelligence is not related to sexual orientation. In fact, Alan Turing was a gay man and "pioneered" (quotation because I am not sure if this is the right word) many technologies we use today.

Like Todd said, there are not-effeminate gay men. Like, there are gay men who "lives" in the gym, gay men who you can't tell unless you get to know them.

if you feel your heartbeat around this guy, you might be at least crushing on him. So you're likely not straight. but what label or identity, if any, you would need to discover yourself. It's okay to give yourself some time to figure out.

You don't have to come out now. School can be a hostile environment as most kids probably just spit back what their family tells them to believe in, and some are even afraid to be queer. But coming to an understanding of yourself is not a bad thing. (amongst other things like, coming to terms like, if you're going to college and major in something)

As much as disappointment goes, there's always so many ways to disappoint them, huh? (I'm a skeptic ) I mean, it could be as simple as not finishing school or as complicated as not living the "white picket fence straight family life".

 

If you're anything like me then you like having concrete logical answers to things... I'm gonna give you a rather scientific explanation as to why no amount of praying or self hating can ever get you to change... The brain is different in men and in women... women have a symmetrical brain while men have a slightly larger right side... this is completely biological and we can't control it... in gay and lesbian people it is just the opposite...gay men have symmetrical brains while lesbians have a slightly larger right side... so essentially gay people think like women and lesbians think like guys... you're born with this so it's really outside of our control and sure some people bury it so deep that it's hard to see but they're really just lying to themselves... I'm not sure if this helps but sometimes emotions can be really confusing and it's nice to have something as solid as science to believe in... and as somebody who has been made fun of every single day of his life for being different in some way I wanna tell you that people that try to change you aren't people that really matter... sooner or later your mom is gonna have to get that she can't change you... I may be an atheist but even if you believe in god then god wouldn't have created you that way if you are certain to go to hell... just believe in yourself... don't lie to yourself pretending to be straight... you'll only hurt yourself more... I'm only 13 and I have accepted that I am completely feminine gay... in fact most of the time I feel like I'm in the minority since nearly every gay guy I know is extremely masculine... liking a particular gender does not have to change your personality! Plus if you are masculine gay I just want to speak for all the feminine gays out there and tell you to come out to your friends and the school... because it's so hard to find somebody to date... and it doesn't make it easier when you don't know if people are gay or not :bang::icon_redf:icon_wink:icon_bigg... unrelated advice aside... just be yourself and you'll feel better!