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I've accepted a new job and I've been crying all day

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by sunnii, Jul 13, 2013.

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  1. sunnii

    sunnii
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    I've been unhappy at my work for a while and started actually applying for jobs last week. Then last Saturday I got a call for an interview which I had on Tuesday and a call that day for the second interview which was yesterday. I got the job today. On my 1st interview I really wanted the job on the second I wasn't so sure when I found out the job I was actually excited.

    I never told my best friends since they work with me but when I visited one at work to tell him, I ended up crying. Since then I've been bursting into tears. My cousin had a BBQ today and I didn't want to go because I was always crying even when I drove my dad up I was crying the whole time but once I went in I was ok. I was quiet but I never cried but as soon as I left I'm crying again.

    I'm scared with this job I feel like I'm out of my depth nd I've bitten off more than I can chew.

    I think I'm really sad I won't be with my friends. If we're real friends we should stay friends but I found it hard being in a group when I lived in a different area a 40 minute drive away now ill be in a different job in a different town
     
    #1 sunnii, Jul 13, 2013
  2. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! First off, congratulations on the new job! :slight_smile: I think it is great that you decided to look for another job, and put some serious effort in finding one, after realizing that you were no longer happy at your previous job.

    Every job will have its adjustment period, and it is okay to feel about unsure about things. It is okay to be nervous and to feel a bit overwhelmed. Here are things you can do to help yourself on succeeding on the new job and to have a good transition:

    • You know you are excited! So, go in with optimism - even if you know you need to learn perhaps a few new things
    • Try your best, and remind yourself why you have succeeded in getting the job: your determination, the fact that you were able to explain what you can do for the employer
    • Remind yourself that you can do the job
    • Try to find a person who could become your 'mentor' i.e. someone who you can ask about things you are unclear about or you need help with at first. That person could also be someone with whom you could talk to if you have concerns about 'fitting' in
    • Mingle with your new co-workers. Make an effort to get to know them. Become a part of the team.

    One thing you have to ask yourself as well: if one of my friends would have gotten a better job, would that friend have stayed at the old job with me, or accepted the new offer? I am pretty sure you already know the answer.

    It is okay if you are no longer working with your friends. Make sure to spend time with them outside of work. Now you have new stories to tell. You might not be able to see them as much anymore, due to the distance, however, if you plan your weekends and free time well, you shouldn't feel much of a change.

    Life changes, and things change in our lives. Often times we make choices or decide on things because we know they are going to be better for us. In the end, things are going to be okay. Celebrate the fact that you have got a new job, and have an opportunity that you feel excited about.

    Hope this helps a bit.
     
    #2 Mirko, Jul 13, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2013
  3. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    The friends part might be disappointing, but jobs don't provide a bumper crop of friends. If you a make a couple of friends at work, then consider yourself lucky. The part that worries me is "in over my head and bitten off more than I can chew." Is that because you don't have the skills or that perception? If they interviewed you twice, and gave you the job, it means they either perceive you have the skills or are willing to train you. I've had the sinking feeling in my stomach when this has happened, but it's because I thought the job would be misaligned with my interests, skills, and what I wanted it to lead to ... and it was. At any rate, you can try it, or if you haven't given notice and like your current job better, you can keep it. But we can't tell you what to do since we don't know you nor the specifics. But, hey, you nailed two interviews and got a job offer!
     
    #3 Tightrope, Jul 13, 2013
  4. sunnii

    sunnii
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    You helped a lot Xx ill be reading this a lot over the next month lol. With my friends we weren't all going to be there together but I thought I'd be there longer. Our social life is odd. We never go out, 2 of our friends are married living in their own house and the wife is a student so money is tight but whenever we arrange stuff things always fall apart. Im scared because I kind of felt like an outsider because I was the newbie of the group, I never had real friends or a social life till I met them a year and a half ago and also the distance thing.
     
    #4 sunnii, Jul 13, 2013
  5. gavguy

    gavguy Guest

    Anyone who takes a new job feels frightened and wonders if they will make any friends and what they will be like.
    After the first few hours you will find that it wasn't worth all the worry, and normally the people you work with will turn out to be good friends.
    You may be sad leaving some other friends behind, and hopefully you will still be able to contact them and continue the friendships but you will make new friends.
    Chin up be strong and I wish you all the very best, Keep posting so we know what happened.
     
    #5 gavguy, Jul 13, 2013
  6. sunnii

    sunnii
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    I say that because its a designer clothes shop. I'm not much of a fashionista. I have worked in a charity shop and did my school work experience in a clothes shop. I've always felt intimidated by people who work in "young people" shops like topshop/topman, h&m, hollister etc. How they're seen as so trendy and beautiful and like cooler than you (maybe I should be flattered I've been hired as one). I like working in retail and with clothes but I feel more comfortable in a shop like Marks & Spencer or Matalan ie shops that are more aimed at "grown ups" I do feel more comfortable around older people I come accross as young and confident etc while I'm intimidated by people my own age.

    I said in the interview I wanted to pursue a career in retail with clothes which isn't entirely untrue. I currently work in a bakery dept of a supermarket and I did originally want to develop but never got the chance and I've worked in retail and worked in an office and prefer retail so much more. Im gutted i havent been at anything long term since school. i was only at my job for 18 months, same for college (left with a qualification though). There's a 13 week probation period so if I don't like it I can leave just means ill leave to unemployment. I will be getting trained and the floor manager told me today my training will be thorough. I'll be given like a journal with what I've learned and why I learned it and stuff like that

    ---------- Post added 13th Jul 2013 at 10:09 PM ----------
    Tbh I felt like I needed to divide my personal life with my professional life. My job was getting me down too. I've had a major inferiority complex with my friends. I'm in awe of them and so grateful for their friendship but I also feel inferior at work. Having a crush on my best friend didn't help either. This may sound like I'm leaving for the wrong reasons but it is strictly professional reasons why I want to leave. Frankly my friends are why I've stayed as long as I have despite my self esteem issues with them (but that's my problem that I have to deal with not them)




    What's bothering me is how much I've cried today. I'm better now but I haven't done something like this since I was basically depressed 3 years ago and I'd just start crying for no reason. I've felt a bit more crazy lately and more angry. And I think it may have just came to a head with this new job coming so fast. I've tried talking to people (some have said find a new job this current one is messing with my head). I just seem to be unable to make myself happy. Things that make me happy still make me sad and sometimes I get almost a satisfaction from being sad
     
    #6 sunnii, Jul 13, 2013
  7. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! While it is clear that you decided to get a new job for all of the right reasons, the way you went about it, could have been a bit better. :slight_smile:

    You should never say untrue things in an interview. The good thing is that you will get training, and that you do have skills you have used in your previous job that you can use in your new job, but, and unfortunately, have already set yourself up for the potential of not liking the job, or not being motivated on it.

    If you don't want to pursue a career in that particular niche of the clothing side of retail or in that particular retail sector, and now you have a job in that sector, it could show in how you do you your job - in some ways or another. The things we like and the things we don't like, often will come through in how we do our job - in your case it could show in how you approach customers, work with your co-workers and carry out your tasks and responsibilities.

    I would suggest that you try to use the training and new things you learn to find something that you like on the new job, and to use them for creating motivation for the time being. Now that you have the job, try your best, and maybe you will be able to use it to grow and think about what else you could be doing down the road. Every job allows you to learn a few more things about yourself which will enrich your understanding of what you like, and where do you see yourself.

    Working for 18 months in a job is not too bad. I would be more worried if you would have said, you change your job every couple to few months, which could become a problem.

    A suggestion I would have for you, given some of the things you have mentioned, is to start thinking more seriously about where do you see yourself working? In which areas of retail, and why? You have already started explaining some of the reasons. Continue expanding on them, keeping in mind the skills and knowledge that you have, and will gain on the new job.
     
    #7 Mirko, Jul 13, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2013
  8. greatwhale

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    You got the job because a few people believed in you, they would not have offered it to you if they felt otherwise.

    In over your head? Good! You will not grow any other way. If you are unsure, ask, if you make a mistake, apologize and seek to learn why you made that mistake (often the mistake is a symptom of a bigger problem, a systems problem perhaps, and, lucky you! You have a solution to that problem!).

    First and foremost you must seek to understand why you are being paid. Sounds like a simple thing to answer right? You do A, B, then C and voila, paycheck!

    But if you take the time to understand how your job fits into the system as a whole (ask questions, you will get noticed) or how your company creates value for its customers; you may find many interesting things about your job that you never would have known if you simply didn't ask.
     
    #8 greatwhale, Jul 13, 2013
  9. leer

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    you got that job because you earned it you should be proud of yourself and am sure your friends are proud of you to .you say the new job is 40 mins away that dont seem allot at all . am sure you will love the new job am guessing its more money to .
     
    #9 leer, Jul 14, 2013
  10. sunnii

    sunnii
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    Thought I was feeling better but I think because I was distracted with work having a 11-9 shift yesterday and a 6-12 this morning I wasn't given much time to think but since then I've felt crap. We were planning a leaving night a week on saturday after my last shift as well as it being pay week but my new job want me to start the next day so that's out the window and my friends are shit party planners anyway so I'm scared some other time will eventually be never.

    As stupid as it sounds I feel like I'm going through a breakup. I've never been through one but I'm so down, I'm lazy, lethargic, drinking more, jumping between eating crap and starving myself and barely exercising anymore. Just came back from yoga and still feel crap 9/10 times yoga fixes my mood but not today.
     
    #10 sunnii, Jul 16, 2013
  11. sunnii

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    Well everything I feared about the job is true. Frankly I hate it
     
    #11 sunnii, Jul 30, 2013
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