I've had my heart set on studying nutrition at uni for a while but my school grades this year have been terrible despite as a result of struggling to stay happy. I also wanted to do occupational therapy as the area of work really interested me. However I was applying for the school and found some documentarys they posted about an OT who was working in a teen mental hospital. This aspect in particular of OT really interests me so I watched it. But I only made it 27minutes into part one of three before the whole thing just wound me up. It was the most triggering thing. I've been trying to recover from bulimia and depression the for the last year, I don't have a medical diagnosis thing and so I tend to deny that there's actually anything wrong but the fact that I spend days at a time not leaving my room and binge/purge or SH to fix stuff isn't so easy to convince myself is normal. I went to therapy for a month or so but lied my way through it, my family thought it was just a teen stage that I got over a year and a half ago or so. The last three days since I watched that documentary have been awful. Last night I wanted to die for the first time in a long time and I can't get the urge to SH out of my head. Part of applying for an OT is a medical and psych check, obviously because I've never sought help truthfully for these there is nothing on my med file about them and I could jsut lie through the psych as I always do. But it terrifies me that what I want to do is so dangerous to me. . I don't know what to do with my life now knowing I can't do OT or Nutrition, I don't have long to make decisions- if I even pass school this year. I have trouble with my mum and love life and formal is soon and I don't know what to do about my scars. I need a better job because my boss is a self important hypocritical douche and the way he treats me is horrid, sometimes I wonder if it borderlines workplace bullying. I'm poor and no where else will hire me. I don't know where I'm going to live next year. I've injured my hip and as a result I won't be able to row but that depends on if I can get funding for my surgery. Rowing is the only thing that's kept me alive and I'm terrified of being without it.Everything just is way to big at the moment. I'm sorry this was supposed to be a question about the Occupational Therapy thing but all this came out as well.. but if you have suggestions? Sorry
Sounds like you have a lot going on right now, but for the moment, I'll just answer your initial question. If you think dealing with OT is going to be this triggering for you, I'd suggest finding something else to work with. You have lots of time to decide what to study at university, and you can even possibly find an adjacent field that will be a bit more comfortable for you. In the meantime, seems like you need another "safe place" to be since rowing is, at least temporarily, off the table. Is there something else relaxing you could be doing? Mentally, if not physically? Hang in there. These things all seem overwhelming, and you do have a lot on your table. But you'll get through it, bit by bit and day by day. (*hug*)
