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Straight buddy unintentionally teasing me

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by dude00, Jul 14, 2013.

  1. dude00

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    Sup guys,

    So my straight buddy and I have a great relationship. First guy I came out to, been awesome for advice and lending an ear.. basically been my closest ally and always open for discussion on anything in my life. Kinda like the only person I don't have an issue saying anything to. Funny thing is, he was the stereotypical guy who would crack fag jokes n shit, but since coming out to him, I've mellowed him out and he loves asking questions about how/what gay dudes think. I fuckin love it, to be honest.

    Here's the thing - he's really open with me too. Told me he's told me a lot of stuff he's ever told his other buddies. Wicked right? Problem - he's separated from his wife (got married early at 25, divorced at 26 lol) and loves telling me about the chicks he bangs.. things the girls like doing TO him. I don't think he forgets who/what I am, but come on.. guys should know how easily it is to chub up at conversation about sex! He tells me how he thinks chicks stroke his ego about his dick size (one girl comes up to him at work and says "so I hear you have a big one) and he tells me while talking to one of his ex's who he's still madly in love with that her now-BF doesn't sexually drive her and she needs "more" something he was able to provide. He tells her that he isn't that endowed and she tells him he's top 3 or something. I mean, I don't know if straight guys talk about this stuff or he's just different, but FUCK come onnnnnnn lol

    Sadly, I'm 26 and still a virgin. I only came out within the last two years (officially to everyone a couple months ago) and he know's my situation. I don't think I've ever been "in love" with anyone, and I try and not let my self "fall" for him because I've read a lot of stories on how us homos fall for out straight best friends. Straight up, this guy is sexy as fuck, I think I *may* like him too much, maybe I am in love with him, but at least I know shit'll never happen. That keeps me balanced.

    But anyway, my dilemma, is that this fucker talks about his dick size (without telling me the size) how he's never had a chick suck his balls until now and how much he likes it).. I just can't think of too much .. it just drives me crazy and makes me want to jerk off to his FB pics lol.... aaanyway based on our fairly "open" friendship, should I just make conversation about it? I mean, I don't want him to stop.. honestly.. but it's driving me mad! I'm not going to confess my undieing love for him, and I've already told the guy he has nothing to worry about, I love him, but I'm not IN love with him and he won't ever have to worry about me coming on to him while drunk or anything, which I think may have calmed his nerves (a mutual friend told me he's asked her for advice about the thought that I may be "into him" which sorta prompted me to tell him the love shit).

    He's even apologized once for talking about sex so much around me, I guess just being polite or guilty lol.. k, so without going on even more here, should I just be open with him on this? Should I say something funny like "listen fucker, I'm tired of having to readjust my boner every time you talk about so and so suckin your balls or your girls talkin about your dick size bro... you know I'm gay, so just the word dick or balls congers images in my head of you naked, which I don't want to think about cause your my friend.. and STRAIGHT muther fucker!! you're killing me!"

    WOW.. what do you think? am I fucked up? lol :S
     
  2. Gravity

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    I'd say a little bit is required from both of you on this one.

    I'll start with him - he's just gone through a divorce, and from the sound of it, his ego is shot, and he's devastated about the thought of his ex being with other guys now. Constantly talking about his own sex life, things he does/has done to him, and how big he may be, suggests to me that he feels incredibly insecure about this aspect of his life and needs these experiences validated. I don't think every straight guy does this - to put it short, he just wants to feel like he did before. In light of this, I would try to cut him some slack and recognize that he just needs to get through this time in his life, which is, in all probability, very difficult for him. You're not a powerless captive of your boner, or your brain - keep yourself focused on where he's at right now and why he's probably acting this way.

    The flip side, of course, is that it would be nice if he realized whom he was talking to. Cutting back a little bit wouldn't be the worst or the most difficult thing in the world. If you want to breech the issue a little bit with a light joke here and there, I don't think it would be all that inappropriate.

    Long story short - both of you have good reasons to keep the conversation going (him) or rein it in a little bit (you). I think there's good reason to find a happy medium.
     
  3. dude00

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    This is what I love about message boards, you have the opportunity to hear other people's perspectives without them knowing the situation like your self and you get a better understanding of things. I just reread what I wrote, and I can't believe how vulgar I was writing that, really sorry about that!

    @Gravity; thank's for your two cents! While I think you are absolutely right about the reasoning for why he's acting out so sexually now (while I don't want to get into it he has many woman "on the go" which I applaud him for but kinda shake my head at too). And truthfully, he's only opened up much more with me about this stuff since he divorced his exwife and attempted to get back with his other exGF whom didn't want to get back with him. Because I made friends with his exGF when he introduced us (she's bisexual so it was cool to have that friendship) he came to me looking for advice when she shot him down when he wanted to get back together. He told me (when I've brought up some things) that he can't even believe that he's told me the things he has (maybe he does it when he's high.. I dunno) and has told me, "I guess it's because I really trust you."

    I think that although he probably does require the validation from a male friend to give him props on the experiences he's going through (definitely something not experienced since he was in high school I guess) and more so, the comfort level he has telling me this stuff (who know if he's told his other straight buddies some of this stuff) but I feel like it makes me look awkward when he tells me some stuff because I'm really kind of speechless after he tells me and all I can do/say is chuckle (as he does tell me it in a joking manor..) As I said, someone who kinds him very sexually appealing, it's difficult to have sexual feelings for a straight friend who doesn't share them back nor will allow you to "act" on things that I may want to do/experience with him. So as I said, because of that (and further, because I don't have really any of my own experiences to understand from) I sort of live vicariously through his experiences. Not that I think this deserves a right or wrong pin point, but I *do* enjoy it, but because I guess I'm so sexually frustrated it drives me bonkers. The whole reason I felt the urge to write this today was only because yesterday while at his house, he was wearing a pair of pajama pants obviously without boxers underneath and well, to say the least they hugged his rear end's crack and left nothing to the imagination. I had *never* been more sexually aroused by him more than at that moment and after I had left, I thought that this has to end some way. I mean, he didn't do anything that time, and my wondering eyes did that to myself, but I don't want to distance my self from him for these reasons, but at the same time I want to tame the feelings I suppose.

    I can't really expect anyone to soundly give me rock solid advice on this.. but to say *something* along the lines of what I wrote in my OP like "dude, although I'm your buddy, I'm still gay and the talk of your piece and balls gives me uncomfortable boners that require hiding and I'd rather not think of you in that way for obvious reasons" but say this in a joking manor where it's serious but not so serious?
     
  4. Gravity

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    Something like that, yeah, but I might leave out the detail of your boners. :slight_smile: Just saying that it makes you uncomfortable is both accurate and sufficient.

    I've noticed in my own case that straight people - men and women alike - tend to start out by viewing gay men as kind of "safe straight men." Supposedly we have all the insider knowledge from women (for straight men) or we can be just as much fun as a date but we're sexually safe because we "obviously can't get invested in them because we're gay" (for straight women). I don't want to suggest everybody acts this way or thinks like this, but the potential is there, and it seems to be happening in your friend's situation. He probably took the "don't worry I don't have feelings for you" as a green light to say whatever he wants. Your friend just needs to realize that you aren't a "safe" straight man. You're a gay man.

    I'd say figure out what your boundaries are and communicate them to him, whether jokingly or seriously. It's up to you.

    And don't worry, you weren't too vulgar. :slight_smile:
     
  5. dude00

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    I think leaving out the part of the boners would make the conversation *too* serious and sorta makes my point about not knowing me or him to give a rock solid advice piece. When he told me about the girl and his balls afterward, he was like "and it's going to take me awhile before you tell me about another guy suckin your balls" ahh.. like, it just makes me smile that he's cool enough to say that but at the same time still not "comfortable" enough to hear about my sexual experiences... however it may just be a cover for his masculinity or something, I don't know....

    Based on our friendship relationship he has been very open sexually.. and that is where I would feel comfortable making him feel a bit uncomfortable telling him he gives me boners because it's well, really inevitable. If an attractive girl starts to tell a guy that she masturbates (in conversation) or describes her sex life in vivid detail, I'm going to pretty much assume that dude is going to be hard. But that's where best friends can be open and say even in mid convo "dude stop.. your making me hard and blah blah say what I said above".. I think I think too much lol maybe I shouldn't say anything and just enjoy but torture my self with him being a "cocktease" without even knowing it.........:bang:
     
  6. Gravity

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    Well, I think you deserve to say something - but you do, naturally, know him better than I do, so it's probably best that you decide what that is.

    And it sounds like he really is just getting used to the idea of you being gay. "I can tell you about my adventures but you can't tell me about yours" is a pretty bold double-standard. Maybe he needs a waking up. Maybe you *should* keep the boner part in. :lol:
     
  7. Fifty Ways

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    An actually unique story. Cool.

    You should tell him dirty stories about yourself (even if they aren't real) whenever he tells you one of his. That should train him to stop without actually effecting confrontation.