For a month or so now, I've been seeing this guy. It's been fairly whirlwind - we really clicked right from the start, and went on three dates in one week. There was a lot of kissing, a lot of laughing, it was just nice. He also stayed at my house twice while my parents were away. I did NOT have sex with him as I have morals and it's far too early, though other "things" did happen (hey, I'm allowed some fun!). We watched a bunch of horror movies because we both love horror, and we listened to a bunch of music because we both have the same taste. It was a lovely week. But then something happened... he sprung it on me that I shouldn't get too attached and he wanted to "keep his options open" because the way we were heading was reminding him of his ex and how quickly that happened and they broke up. He said he likes me and wants t continue seeing me, but "don't get too attached." It did hurt me as I'm naturally a very sensitive person and I take a lot of things to heart that I shouldn't. Nevertheless I just bit my tongue and said "okay, that's fine." Fast forward a week and it was fully playing on my mind none stop. I ended up asking him if he was also dating someone else and if that was the reason, and he said yes. It turns out, before he met me, he had started speaking to another guy. They had arranged to go on a date, but before it happened, he met and went on three dates with me. Then the day after our third date, he went on a date with another guy. Then the two days after he stayed at my house. Then sometime next week he went on another date with the other guy, and then stayed at his house twice too. I know it's not against the law to see or date two people at once, but I feel like he's crossing the line a little bit by staying at each of our houses. The other guy isn't even aware of any of this, I only know because I pulled it out of him. Now he fully admits that he can't choose between us and he's aware of how stupid it was getting involved with two people at the same time. All of my friends have been telling me to just drop him and it's not worth it, especially if it's going to upset me like this. What makes it worse is that today, as I write this, he's asked me to get lunch in the daytime...despite the fact he's going out for drinks with the other guy at night. Now, surely that's not right? I just need advice really. I've told him if in two weeks he can't make up his mind then I'll make the decision for him and leave, because I'm not a number 2. He said "I understand where you're coming from... Hopefully I'll have an answer by that time, but if not I hope I can still be friends with the one it doesn't work out with." Which really miffed me. I can't stand the "can we still be friends" line. Please advise me!
He has zero reason to change because right now he has exactly what he wants... two people, and no reason to choose between them. Basically, he's being selfish and not considering either your needs or the needs of the other person. So let's say he does, in fact, break up with this other person. Given this history, what's to say that some other guy won't come along who will catch his eye, and his attentions will go toward that person? And, furthermore, he's being completely disingenuous and dishonest with the other guy, so there's little reason to believe that, given the chance, he wouldn't do the same to you. For whatever reason, he seems to have little integrity toward relationships. I think you can do a lot better.
As usual, I agree with Chip. However, I think it was fair that he went on the first date with him, despite seeing you a couple times before. It takes a few dates to get to know someone, and it would suck for him to break off plans he made (probably before he even met you), with a guy he was getting along with well. I think were it would have upset me is exactly when it upset you; when he planned a second and third date and slept over. That is a whole different set of problems and priorities. I wouldn't give him two weeks because honestly, nothing is going to change in two weeks that he doesn't already know now. Dating two guys for one or two dates is not the same as sleeping with two guys simultaneously after many dates. Also, I would be pissed if he made plans after our date to go out with someone else. It really is unfair he would have to rush through your date to go see someone else at night. Very disrespectful and rude in my opinion. Sadly, you making him choose is likely to make him choose the other, because he may feel like you are pressuring him. Guys like this generally run away from that because they honestly don't know what they want and are happy just getting around. It is lose-lose but if that happens, it is better for you I think, and if he picks you, then you need to consider what chip said and you are still in a tough spot.
If you are monogamous and he won't decide, you may have to make that hard decision for the both of you.
this guy is just being self centered and he knows he`s getting away with it you need to put your foot down unless he will continue being an ass.
Thanks guys. Chip especially. I ended it with him before. I told him I couldn't wait around for him to make a decision that's going to hurt me and told him it was over. He understood, and was genuinely apologetic about how it had turned out. He said it never meant for any of this to happen and it was never his intention to get so involved with two people. He asked to still be friends, but I told him that would take time so he respected that and said he'd wait for me to contact him should I want to be friends. Right now, I definitely can't be friends with him. I'm the type of guy who falls too quickly, so I need to get over him first.
