I'm in a really bad place right now. I know that I have problems with anxiety and depression but today was a really bad day and I just feel horrid and empty. This post is going to be fairly long... I was feeling sick today and extremely run down. I have been working a lot lately and I was feeling really bad today but I went into work even tho I had a migrain and I felt ill. I was feeling like I wanted to cry/sleep/throw up all day before work as well. At work I got in trouble for having long/bad closes and I accept that, I need someone to show me better and more efficient ways to do things and I really like my job. I really want it and I'm trying really hard but I've been told by a few people about different things I'm doing wrong multiple times. I'm correcting it and I'm really making a conscious effort to do so but I don't think that what I'm doing is enough because even though I'm putting a lot of effort in I'm still getting told I'm not doing things right. Also shortly after I got in trouble I had to go home. I was feeling really crappy and I ended up crying and asking to leave because I felt so sick. My boss was really unimpressed and even though I told her that I was sick and I wasn't leaving because of what she said I know that's what she thought because she asked me "is what I said the reason for this? For you going home?" And it looked like she was totally disgusted with me. I told her I had been feeling sick all day but really after someone makes up their mind how often does hearing someone say otherwise change it. I'm a terrible person and even though I came home and slept until about an hour ago I feel like my leaving wasn't valid and that I should have stayed and that I'm not good enough for this job, and if I'm not good enough/can't do an entey level job then why the fuck am I even trying. Fuck, I come on here and pretend to be so fucking sure of myself, giving advice on dealing with things but I can't even help myself. I'm such a complete fuck up and if I lose my job, which I think is a very real possibility, then my parents are going to be extremely disappointed, I'm going to have to find a new job again and it took me months to find this one. I just can't believe how stupid and weak and worthless I was today and I should have just sucked it up and finished my shift but I didn't. This even sounds weak and stupid as I'm reading it so if you don't want to answer I'll understand.
Your welcome even though, I know that wasn't much help.... you can talk to me about it if you want. if it helps any, i'll tell you how i fucked up today
