I have a friend from work (20, I'm 23) who gives signals off and on that something about me is particularly valuable to him... This guy identifies as straight, I don't believe sexuality is necessarily set in stone, and that it exists as a gradient rather than anything else. I'm not "out" or anything because I just explain to people that I can become attracted to anyone and don't classify sexuality on a normal scale. I don't know if that affects what he is willing to do or how far he's willing to go, but I'm incredibly feminine in my behaviors and do not exactly consider myself fully "male". let me explain everything. When he started working here, we didn't talk much, but started to, and he'd smile whenever he saw me, and I'd smile back (I always smile) and he said I was so optimistic, and that's why he always smiled. Later we started chatting, getting friendlier (we both like a lot of the same games and stuff). Eventually he would (rarely) say things like.. "I love your baby face" or... "You're handsome" Or even more recently during one late night conversation on XBOX mic he said "I love your eyes" and that same night, kind of a casual but surprising "I love you." It made me feel really special, so a slight attraction grew grander from that. During that same night, however, without any provoking he kept saying "I'm not gay!"... I believe he is very interested in girls, but refuses to truly "date" and he won't even hook up for one-nights he has has the chance because "he's not that guy". He also always talks about my hair, saying he's jealous of it... etc Then we started hanging out. We were in the car and I'd be looking out the window.. he'd touch my cheek softly and I'd turn quickly to see him smiling at me for a moment. He would rub me on the back or massage my hand if it's hurt (once.. but still) and he even kissed me on the forehead (because I did a big favor for him). Recently he'll say how nice my skin is looking, or "can I touch it?" Also, he asks me to feel his arms (they are very large, and he is prideful). He always casually says he loves me, but I don't exactly buy it because he is flaky and not a truly considerate person. However, this is sort of why I feel special, lol. I don't know if he understands the meaning of that term... yet.. still somewhat immature I think. One day he said.. "HEY WANNA MAKE OUT! JUST KIDDING!" in the car. I brought it up to him once, when I said "A lot of things you do are slightly homoerotic" and he said "WOAH, I NEVER DID THAT!" He totally did. I'll make fun of him and say "OO you like this guy!" and he'll get so mad, and even ignore me for days because he hates to identify as anything but a totally straight guy (his father was homophobic, elderly, and is now dead). We recently slept in the same bed together; it was a dreadful sleep (he takes up so much room and pushes me off). He didn't try anything or cuddle or anything, but I think he was just dead tired. But I really just don't know if he's attracted to me or values me in a unique way... I mean he treats me the way he treats his female friends. But I feel like when he's not treating me in that special way, he is losing interest and I'm addicted to the way he makes me feel now. And he says I'm his shiny friend who makes him happy... I don't know... It's so off and on but I just feel strange that a guy who holds so dearly onto a straight male identity would take risks like this.. because I gossip about it sometimes lol and he knows. He always says he'll be there for me, he'll never forget me if he moves, and that I'm his best friend at the moment. In general.. what should I think of this situation?
You could, like, ask... That's really the best way you're going to get an answer, because he's the only person who can tell you.
