I saw a post on twitter the other day, and it got me thinking. It was a post about depression, and how you're not always sad, but you have a low tolerance/breathing space when it comes to not being able to cope emotionally. I think that's how I feel. I know that at the very beginning of the academic year, say October 2012, I just joined uni, I was barely getting to grips with my own gender identity and sexuality, and became pretty introverted. I'm now trying to "grow out" of that mindset, but it's not all smooth. Too often I feel like there might actually be something wrong with me, then other times I feel absolutely fine. I can be pretty superficial at times, so when I feel like I look bad or weird I get a paranoid kind of social anxiety. I think about things a lot, and sometimes pretty negative things, and because of my introverted-ness at uni, I have friends, but no close ones that I can really talk to about this. I know it'll pass, but for now I feel very odd - like I'm chasing a feeling of elation or happiness but then when the moment's over I feel kind of empty. I'm a pretty creative person so I've been watching movies and writing ideas and just trying to soak up as much euphoric creative energy as I can - but I feel like it may be an empty kind of joy. I feel like I might be using creativity to fill other holes I have. Sorry this is a little deep, but as I said I can't really tell any of my friends about this due to not really being close enough to them. A lot of the deeper stuff I feel ends up on here, haha. So, am I depressed or just sad? Any advice on how to stop this emptiness?
Technically, we can't diagnose you for many reasons. Online diagnoses are inherently flawed. If you're feeling down enough that it's impacting your life, though, you'd only benefit from positive action. Could you see a school counsellor or therapist? That'd be a good first step to take.
I understand what you mean. That's almost word for word how I would describe my depression (Diagnosed; unmedicated). I spend a lot of time venting into creative formats, and I know how that feels. While this may not work for you; I usually feel much better after forcing myself into some sort of social event, and actually talking to people. (Crazy, I know) The idea scares me to no end, but I feel a lasting sense of actual accomplishment afterwards.
The hard thing about depression is there is no test like there is for blood pressure or cholesterol. The health professional needs to ask a bunch of questions about circumstances and your coping behaviors. Then, because syndromes overlap, they have to make differential diagnoses. I find the field fascinating and read a lot about it, but we armchair types can't make diagnoses on line. However, there is something bothering you, or you wouldn't be writing about it. If it doesn't affect your university performance markedly, you might keep going if you can manage until it hits a more critical point where the anxiety interferes more with your functioning. If it currently does, you should seek help. I know that counseling services are available at American universities free of charge, at least for a predetermined number of sessions.
you sound like me, and i'm far from content with the way things are. also, is this you? Dysthymia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Unfortunately, there is no way for the Internet to diagnose you with accuracy. If you feel that you may be depressed, you should talk to your doctor. (*hug*)
