Time and time again, I meet these nice guys and I become far too emotionally attached in them. I invest almost all of my emotional energy into them, and I can't help it. By the third date, if it's going well, I can't stop thinking about them. And I know I need to stop, because what happens is after this point in the relationship I either drive them away by coming on too strong, or end up crushed because it just hasn't worked out. So what can I do? I've met a really nice guy, things are going really well at the minute, but with my track record I am petrified of becoming emotionally attached. I can feel it bubbling already, we've been out four times, kissed passionately etc. and I can't stop thinking about him now. What can I do to cap my emotions and start going more with the flow? I know many of my friends tell me after failed relationship attempts that "it's not you, it's the guy" but I don't feel that way any more. I've been told I come off too strong by guys, and I feel that if I can control my emotions better I wouldn't end up so hurt all the time. Please advise me!
If only you fell in love with me... Well I suggest you find a hobby or a job to do. It helps distract you. Change your music to something more happy and funny. I suggest stuff from Avenue Q. Try to control your emotions and think of your future plans, cooking, anything really. But don't change who you are or your very essence, if you are the type to love passionately, keep at that but control it. It's actually quite beautiful that you love people with that much passion, it's admirable. Don't be too hard on yourself. Good Luck
If you hide your passion, it will show eventually. You cant hide your face under a mask forever. In reality, it probably is the guy.
The trick is to understand why you have the need to attach yourself emotionally so fast to the guy. Usually this is for various reasons such as codepency or low self-esteem. Have you tried talking to a therapist about this? They may be a great tool to start understanding why you have this inclination, and once you know why you do it then it becomes 100% easier to deal with.
This may sound stupid/immature of me, but playing video games (if you like them) can help take your mind off of things when you start thinking about him too much.
I have thought to have met 'the guy' too alot of times. But it's not that simple man.. I feel like I'm sort of in the same boat. Once I begin to like someone, I can't stop thinking about them as well. I keep filling in every unknown field of that person, which is totally unrealistic. I'm not very forward so I do not seem to be going too fast, but in my head I'm going too fast for sure. I would also like to know how to stop things like this. I make an image of the person that is perfect and fits my view of 'the guy' perfectly, but then I am dissapointed to see that the guy is not perfect, which nobody can be..
I'm the exact same way, I was told by my counselor that it has a lot to do with how my mother is. My mom can be overprotective, and a bit of a control freak. Most times, she's had difficulty letting me go, even though I'm now in my mid twenties. My counselor thinks I'm a little codependent when it comes to her, so I've been working the past year to cut the strings even though I still live at home and may not be able to leave right off the bat when I finish my BA. My issue is, I develop an interest in someone and I fantasize about things relating to them and making them to be this perfect person. Sadly, that puts awfully high expectations on them, and when I find out they aren't as perfect as my imagination makes them, I get really super upset. What I do when it comes to someone I like including friendships as well, what I try and do is I'll detach periodically for at least a week or two to get me back on track and give them a chance to spend time with others. It gives them a chance to get their lives going and gives a chance for the person to miss me a little and even seek me out on their own instead of the other way around. I play video games, write journals and stories, pursue hobbies, catch up on homework for school and get my personal life sorted out. That way, when I get back in contact with the person, there's more to talk about, and they can't say that I'm too clingy or needy or any of the above. It's hard to detach, but it's possible.
