About feminism...

So I know that the vast majority of you here on EC identify as a feminist or are at least pro-feminist. And frankly, I don't really know what I'm trying to get out of this. For the most part, this is just something I feel I need to get off my chest and if anyone has anything to say in response, I'm willing to listen.

So, first, I have to say, I'm not a big fan of feminism...in fact, the word "feminist" carries a negative connotation in my mind. And over the years, I've come up with numerous rationalizations to justify my hatred of feminism, some of them reasonable, others not, but at the end of the day, it all just leads back to one thing: My experiences with feminists and as a male in this society haven't been good.

When it comes to oppressed minorities in this society, there seem to be a sort of "big 3": blacks, women, and gays. Speaking for myself, I'm a gay, white male. And as a gay person, I really have felt belittled, neglected, tormented, hurt, etc. and it pisses me off. I see straight people all around me with nothing to hide, nothing to fear, no issues fitting in, no issues coming to terms with who they are, and I envy them more than anything, to the point where it hurts. As a white person, I have never once felt belittled, neglected, tormented, or hurt because of my ethnicity. In fact, I genuinely feel that my ethnicity has helped me in ways that are unfair, and I hope that non-whites will one day be able to enjoy those same benefits. And while I cannot know what it's like to be black in this society, I have a huge amount of sympathy for anyone who feels belittled, neglected, etc. because of their ethnicity. But as a male...well, in all honesty, I have kind of felt belittled and neglected for being male, in similar ways to how I've felt belittled or neglected for being gay. The feeling isn't exactly the same because sex and sexuality are two completely different things, but the feelings have been similar.

When I was younger, I was told that it was my fault that women has to suffer so much in the past. I was told that it was my fault that women still have issues to face. And I was told that, as a male, I deserve to undergo the same abuse and mistreatment that women have had to go through. And I was so young at the time that I believed it. I grew up believing that I deserved to be raped, kept as property, valued less than women, and barred from pursuing my goals and dreams. I would even cheer women on whenever they belittled men in ways that would be considered sexist if a man belittled a woman. But once I got older and smarter I realized that I didn't deserve any of that and that everyone who told me the things they told me could go and fuck themselves, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Additionally, around this time, I was studying women's issues in school and I found that almost everyone I encountered who called him/herself a feminist had exactly the same attitude as the individuals who told me all those things when I was younger. And every time the topics of women's rights or feminism came up, my brain would just kind of shut down and I'd feel like I was being left out or ignored.

Well, I felt pretty sexist for that. I felt like a sexist, misogynist bigot for viewing feminists as man-haters. And while everything I went through or was told wasn't justified, I didn't want to let a few immature, batshit insane feminists ruin my perception of feminism as a whole, so I decided to do some research and talk with people who identify as feminists. Well, none of it helped. I only found more feminists who...were incredibly hostile. Not towards men, but towards anyone who didn't think exactly like them. Even if there was someone who wanted the same outcome, a world where discrimination based on sex didn't exist, but had a different approach to solving the problem or had a different view on how exactly we got to where we are today, these feminists, not all of them, but a significant number of them, would relentlessly attack these other people. I also discovered a myriad of male issues that either contradicted what I was taught growing up or that I didn't know existed at all prior to doing the research. And when I sat down with feminists, in person, and tried to have discussions with them, they turned hostile pretty quickly, and some of them even justified what the feminists I encountered growing up told me.

I really have tried to see feminism in a more positive light, and I really have tried to see what kind of privilege I have as a male in this society, but, to be blunt, I just can't. I have encountered some friendlier feminists who I actually find interesting to listen to, but as a whole, that just hasn't been my experience. And as far as privilege goes, I don't deny that women have it tough in this day and age and have had it tough throughout most of our recent history, and I do recognize and acknowledge some of my privileges as a male, but I also feel that there are a fair number of privileges that I don't experience as a male that females do experience. And whenever someone tells me that I'm privileged for being male, well, I just can't help but get pissed off, because that's not how I feel. And for what it's worth, maybe my experiences as a male in this day and age and society aren't typical of what most males experience in this day and age, maybe I'm an exception, and I do know that most feminists claim to fight for men's issues as well, but again, that just hasn't been my experience.

I have managed to get to the point where I don't immediately judge a person who calls him/herself a feminist, but still, as a whole, feminism just doesn't sit well with me.

So yeah, that's what I had to say. I know that some of you will want to hunt me down and mutilate me for typing this out, but I'm sorry if what I said offended anyone, and I'm open to any responses that any of you might have. And again, this was mostly just something I had to get off my chest.

 

Thanks, Gen. I agree with a lot of what you said. I understand that not all feminists are like the ones I've encountered, and although I choose not to call myself a feminist, I have a massive amount of respect for these particular feminists. And, like I said, I don't deny the hardships women have had to face, and I'm in no way against removing any misogyny that's present in this day and age.