Is this actually the right time to accept myself and tell myself that I'm either gay/bisexual?! I mean damn Im only 14 yrs old(turning 15 this 12th of August) and I was always been conscious of how my sexual behaviors work since I was around 11 yrs of age and did all possible ways to get the gay away but still nothing works I prayed to god,stopped having sexual activities w/ another guy,banned myself from masturbating for almost 1 month,tried to act like a man and got 3 gf's but I was not serious to the three of them, tried to stop my behavior of too much appreciation of physical appearance of the same sex, tried to banned myself from watching gay porn and so much more... When I try to change myself I just make myself sad,stressed and depressed. The only people trying to change me is my mother because she does not want me to become gay. She keeps on saying that my God given intelligence will become a waste if I become "one". I posted lots of threads here in EC and had great response/replies which helped me a lot.Having a mindset of starting to accept myself. I know I know I know that sexual attraction could NOT be changed so I feel hopeless of changing it. But there's still one more question that hasn't been answered for me yet. If I wasn't sexually abused(homosexual) when I was young I believe I wouldn't be experiencing such things like these right now. I just want to get some advices from you guys and tell me if this is really the time to accept myself and stop forcing myself to change.
I would just like to reassure you that being Sexually abused by a Male, would not make you Gay, the abuser is often Hetrosexual & it's more to do with power than sex, you sound like are trying to please your Mom, instead of yourself, only you will know when the time to come out to yourself is right & when you do, you can start to move on with your life & start looking to the future
Just never forget, your sexuality is never a choice. You are you, regardless of your experiences. Yes, certain experiences may make you realise it more, but at the end of the day, you can't change your sexuality. Nothing can 'make' you gay.
You say that you've been refusing to accept yourself and fighting being gay in various ways. You also say that the only result has been to make yourself "sad, stressed, and depressed". Perhaps, in the interest of scientific inquiry, or just for the sake of completeness, you should try accepting yourself for a while (personally, I think the rest of your life is a reasonable period, but you decide what works for you) and see how that makes you feel? As for your mom's comments about wasting your intelligence. According to some recent studies, approximately half of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned. A quick scan of TV, magazines, and the Internet will quickly show that when it comes to straight sex, intelligence or the application of intelligence is usually the last thing anyone is considering or applying. Coming at this from another direction, there are a lot of gay doctors, lawyers, teachers, authors, and scientists. Many of them are making major contributions to our society. Is your mother trying to argue that they are 'wasting' their intelligence because they'd rather not look at straight porn or check out the waitress at a restaurant, or maybe get drunk with a woman, stumble back to the hotel, have unprotected sex and get her pregnant? Because I'm having a really hard time seeing any amount of intelligence being applied in any of these things. How about you? Being gay is a part of who you are, but it doesn't define you. Nor does it dictate every aspect of your life or what you end up doing or how successful you are. But accepting it makes all of those other things a lot more fun Hope this helps, Todd
Although I could be your great grandfather I kn ow how you feel at your age I had a gay relationship for a few years at 15. The last poster is correct you can not change your sexuality you are who and what you are. I tried to deny my sexuality most of my life it never goes away. You can fake it but it never goes away. Rejoice that you live in a time of more acceptance . When I was your age people were arrested and maimed physically and mentally for their sexuality. Be yourself you have many many happy years ahead of you. :icon_bigg:smilewaveWhyme10
Trust me you cant force yourself to change. I tried that lol. I understand where you are coming from, your story is much like my own. I think despite what happened to you when you were younger, you were born the way you are. I too was a kid was abused sexually by a guy. I asked myself the same questions, is that what made me gay? I dont think that is the case. Dont ban yourself of things you enjoy or try and ignore feelings you have. Those are not going to go away. You need to be true to yourself, what makes YOU happy. Life is too short and to try to change yourself to please someone else is not only a waste of time, you are doing yourself a real injustice.
Finally! Someone who can relate so much with me with the same situation experienced... I think its really time for me to accept for what I am... I'll be loud and proud within myself now.... Thanks once again Sir Todd your response is one of the bests I still remember your last response from one of my old threads. :smilewave
You should really read up on Jack Andraka. He's around your age, openly gay with the support of his family and has created an early detection test for cancer that will save millions of lives. I highly doubt he could have achieved this if his mental energy was devoted to trying to be straight. Jack Andraka Story
Again, you are who you are. No amount of "praying the gay away" is going to work, and your innate sexuality is an immutable aspect of who you are. Gay people can get married (in some states in the US - though I suspect that's about to change in the next few years with more and more states allowing it), have biological children, and be a loving family. Being gay changes none of that. All that being gay changes is who you find attractive, and who you fall in love with. As AKTodd said, half of the pregnancies in the US are unplanned. With a gay couple having children, there is necessarily planning and thought that goes into this, so some people might even argue that being gay would make you a BETTER parent, because when it happens it is something that is planned, and you are emotionally ready for it. Exactly how is that "wasting" someone's mind? Getting a little more personal, I work at a decent job, I'm somewhat well known in my field, and I'm gay. Has my mind been "wasted"? I certainly think not! In fact, being gay has helped me in my career in a messed up sort of way - by attempting to hide my sexuality, I was able to concentrate more on work, and it consumed my life. I would say that my adolescence was completely wasted, but not my mind! Being an adolescent yourself, I'd hate to see someone go through what I did when it is preventable, and it totally is in your case. You need to admit to yourself who you are, and then move on with your life. There are few regrets that I have in life, but not coming out earlier is one of them. Don't let it happen to you.
