For most of my life I have lived a heterosexual life, knowing inside that I was gay. I had a gay relationship with a boy my age when I was 14-16 and it was great. Then my mom moved us away and I never saw him again. I think back about the times and that is how in later life I came out to myself, and then to my wife and brother,doctor, therapist and anyone that asks. My reason for seeking Forgivness is this. I was very homophobic acting most of my life making fun of people calling them terrible things that I so truly regret. All I wanted is to be myself but got married to a woman because it was what you did in my generation I guess. That coupled with the fact that I was raised as a Jehovahs Witness and really believed that I would be cured and that God would bring an end to wicked mankind obviously over my lifetime that never happened. I no longer believe the religious bs, I am spiritual and think about how I can be a good person and help others and hate no one. But to be accepted by my peers I made fun of gay people. I am so sad about this I am practically crying as I write this. Please please can someone help me accept how I treated gay people in the past. I do not want to end my life having this regret in my heart. I need the approval and acceptance of the gay community. I have promised myself never to be hypocritical again. Thanks all for listening to my rant and pleading. But I am broken hearted and had to get this out. Whyme10 :icon_sad:
Peer pressure is a hard thing to resist, it's the same as when you are at school, your friends are making fun of someone because they are different, as a child, you join in & make fun of the other person, you are seeking the approval of your peers & by joining in you are one of them & this means acceptance, yet in reality, you are bullying someone & that person is actually a victim of that bullying, they feel like shit & may even at one point contemplate suicide, but you as the bully, don't see the knock on effect of your actions. What you once did as a child or youth, is not the person you are now, you have taken responsibility for your actions & now feel remorse for who yo once were, it is the person who you are who is the important one, it is time to forgive yourself & move on, nobody can forgive that kid from long ago, only you, I only hear the words of my Gay Brother & I would have a drink with you any day (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Thanks so much Dublin boy. I accept your drinking invite. By the way though I live and was born in the us I am 100 % Irish both mother and father were 100% Irish. :smilewave
When one makes a mistake, a good response is to try to correct it. You probably can't go back and apologize to the people you made fun of and such. But maybe you can help others? Perhaps look into volunteering with an LGBT support group or political organization. If you don't have time to volunteer or there aren't any groups in your area, consider donating to one or more of them. For that matter, being active on EC and sharing your support and experience with folks who may be going thru the same things you did (or did to others) could be a viable option. Or maybe some combo of the above. Hope this helps, Todd
Thanks all I think I William into being a volunteer in some capacity. I will read as many posts here as I can and help where I can be of value. I truly like myself now and have forgiven myself and am determined never to hurt any personagain. At a restraunt near my home there is a very effeminate boy. I go out of my way to be nice to him always thanking him and complimenting his service. I want him to know he is a good person. Mind you I have no interest sexually in him I just want him to know he is valuable to mankind. I have even stood up for him in front of other people. Whyme10 ---------- Post added 27th Jul 2013 at 06:01 AM ---------- For crying out loud I hate auto correct on my iPhone it makes one look stupid with the words it fills in
I've not directly made fun of gay people, but I have used anti-gay slurs and meant them at the time. But I chalk it up now to the fact that I was really stupid, as every young person is (If you are a young person, don't try to contest it; your older self will consider you an idiot ), I was surrounded by homophobia with no real attitudes on the good side, and wanted badly to establish some opinions of the world. ^^Thankfully I eventually established the opinion that it is better to shut my face and learn. I've mostly got it under control now lol, but it's allowed me to forgive my trashy behavior.
