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Guilt

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by drwinchester, Jul 27, 2013.

  1. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Basically, this is an issue that's plagued me my whole life. Guilt. As a kid, it was over not knowing how to fit in, wanting to play with boy toys and wearing boy clothes. Growing older, over not being smart enough, being able to please everyone, not feeling good enough as a woman. Now, I feel like I'm letting everyone down by being transgender. Every time I dress in my guy clothes, guilt. Every time I feel down because my mother calls me her daughter- guilt. Stupid shit like stping, guilt and shame.

    Lot of it's gender related and been plaguing me for ages. And I don't know to stop feeling like this. I'm depressed, low, and feeling as guilty and shame filled as ever. Getting suicidal at this point. Any advice would be appreciated. Had to vent, sorry.
     
  2. Music Heals

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    I really don't know what to say to you, because I sorta suck at giving advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Today's society is tough for anyone who is anything other than a heterosexual male, and it kind of has always been that way. But times are changing, not quickly enough, but still changing. Try and remember that there is nothing wrong with being trans*, that you're just like everyone else, it just so happens that your gender and sex don't match. None of this is something wrong, something that is your fault or anything like that. Try and not feel needlessly guilty, because that just makes for a depressing time.

    I feel like I'm giving terrible advice.

    Could you try talking to your mom about not calling you her daughter anymore? She could say something like "my oldest" or "my child" or whatever if she's not yet comfortable calling you her son. And clothes are merely pieces of fabric that we stretch and lay across our bodies so we don't freeze to death in winter or offend our grandma's sensibilities in the winter. Clothes are clothes, so you don't need to feel guilty over wearing something that's not pink and fluffy or whatever. Plus, girl's clothes are super uncomfortable, and it's silly to wear something that's itchy and tight and annoying, like everything girls are supposed to wear. Logically, we all should just wear guy's clothes!

    Guilt is a terrible burden that we place upon ourselves, and it's ridiculous that humankind as a whole willingly takes up the mantle of feeling poorly about everything we do. You are your own unique person, and everything you do is incredible. Even existing is a feat, it means you weren't stupid enough to electrocute yourself as a child or anything of the sort! Take pride in what you do and who you are, and be yourself, because everybody else is already taken. Guilt is the stupidest of all emotions ever created, and I hope that one day you can find the ability to stop feeling guilty over being an awesome human being.
     
  3. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Not suckish advice at all, needed to hear it. :slight_smile:

    I was raised in a household where gender was pretty black and white- boys always did this, girls do that with very little overlapping. I was allowed to get away with watching superhero movies, liking action and dinosaurs but that was the extent of it. And I've basically spent my whole life trying to conform to this- shunning "boy things", avoiding connecting with men though I related better to them, wearing only "girl clothes" and learning how to appease my mother.

    My mother. Another thing. She's policed my behavior my whole life. She doesn't yet know I'm trans* so there's nothing I can do about being called daughter and girl though I doubt she'll take it well when I come out.

    I'll keep it all in mind. It's stupid for me to harbor guilt over this, I know, but there's a lot of internalized transphobia I'm only beginning to confront. Thanks for replying- definitely helped. :grin:
     
  4. Tightrope

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    Guilt is about control, I think. I think it's the way people ultimately want to manipulate you and your mind. If you give in, you let someone else pull your strings. If you don't, you'll feel freer. Different approaches work for different people. I found that I used to shrug it off with those outside the family, and resentment would build up, while I let those who were my immediate family and relatives have it - meaning I told them off for their guilt trip. Now, I am like to call anybody on a guilt trip, as long as it's not appropriate. In a work scenario, if someone guilted me for missing a promised date by which something should be complete, then I have no reason to be mad at them, but more disappointed in myself. Do you think you are letting this stuff bottle up? Stuff bottling up makes people feel lousy, so I can see why you are venting.
     
  5. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Bottling stuff up? Yeah. That's my biggest problem. Basically bottle everything up. Not like I can go up and say "Jesus fucking Christ, mom, my tits are giving me dysphoria again", you know? And I need to be better about that, not just going and bottling everything up because sooner or later you go nuts...

    ...if I haven't already. :lol:

    Thanks, bro. Will keep it all in mind.