Hello everyone! It's been a long time since i last posted on this site..i guess i was kinda busy with some real life stuff. Anyway..i'm in a desperate need of some advice/answers so i'll get right to the point. I have a friend, which is 21 years old and he is, or at least was acting a bit weird for the past few years. He knows i'm gay but he was acting a bit strange even before i told him. I always knew deep down that he was kinda into men, or at least curious about it because there have been some little things back then that made assume it. 2 years ago, we were at his basement, kinda wasted (not from alcohol) and he was staring at my crotch and actually told me to compare our...you know! Anyway as i didn't refuse, when we did, he started jerking himself off and at some point, he was holding his with one hand, and mine with the other hand. He jerked me off until i came, to the last drop. Nothing happened after that, we didn't even mention it. Fast forward, a year after, he asked me to sleep at his cousins house because he was alone and i said okay. We had some drinks and at some point i was pretty drunk. He also was but a bit sober than me. Then he put some hentai porn (lol) on the TV and were watching for like half an hour in our boxers. (it was way too hot, like 38 degrees) Then, he said "wtf dude, you're getting hard by watching Straight porn?" and touched my penis. Ofcourse it was soft since i don't really like straight porn to be honest. But it only took me a few seconds to get an erection after he touched me. Then he started touching me again, i told him that it hurts abit through the boxers and he suggested he takes it off, i said sure. Then, he started playing with it again, and suddenly, it was in his mouth. At first, i was shocked because i never thought he would do something like that, and it was reaaaally good, even for his 1st time. He kept doing that for about 20 minutes, but he wouldn't get hard, he was like semi-hard only even if i also tried sucking him. He said "I only get hard with women". I was like, "okay....." I got quickly into the shower, went back to the living room and started again. Then he told me "go get the condoms". I was like "umm...what? are you serious?" He said yes, but in a jokingly way..i didn't know what to do but i didn't get the condoms because like i said, i was wasted and i could barely stand on my feet. I needed to rest a bit, so i turned over facing the pillow on the couch and he just stood there. Like 2-3 minutes after, he got on top of me, licked my ear a few times, kissed me on the neck like twice, then whispered in my ear "im going to bed, i need to sleep". And all of a sudden,he indeed went to sleep and he also locked his door and wouldn't open it. I was confused, like really confused. The day after, when i woke up he was already gone because he was in the army and had to leave early, i texted him that i would lock the house and he said okay. To this day, we never, ever talked about it. And even if almost a year passed (1 year this August), we had been alone many times, drinking and stuff, but since then nothing ever happened, at all. And when we only had a few drinks, he said something like "I've tried and i have decided, i'm straight and i'm only into girls". I was a bit dissapointed when he said that, because i really like him. Yes, i value our friendship but i also like him as a person and i'd want him as a boyfriend. Am i terrible person? It's been eating me up..because i don't know if he truly means it or he's just trying to prove something to himself or to the people around him. He has a girlfriend at the moment, but he's planning on breaking up with her because he got bored, according to him and he's into some other girl now. Anyway, that is all Sorry for the wall of text.
