To cut a long story short, I just want to know when my life will actually start... I am depressed and I am just going through the motions... I feel alone and its really getting to me now, I don't know where too meet people and I just want to enjoy myself... I am 19 and I feel like I am living but not actually doing anything with my life, I don't really care about anything at the moment, all I think about it meeting people have enjoying myself... Its really getting to me and I am actually starting to think about death. I just want to meet people and have fun... I want to enjoy myself because I feel like I haven't lived at all. I even spoke to my sister about it today and she said "I don't know what to say to you, its stressing me out". I just want to meet other gay friends and just hang out and have a laugh but I don't know what to do, I am not out yet but even if I was out I wouldn't know what to do about it. I am so annoyed at myself for feeling like this but things need to change. I have been given/told about groups to join and things but I feel like its not going anywhere and nothing is helping... I recently finished working 2weeks ago as my contract for a year finished and now all I want to do is just enjoy myself... does anyone have any suggestions? because I honestly can't cope anymore...
Yes, knowing other gay people is very important to break the numbing isolation. Are you in a big city or a small town ?? - that makes a difference. If there are no LGBT organisations then just widening your circle of friends will eventually improve your chances of meeting more gay people. It will mean pushing yourself 'out there' and joining up with some groups or clubs which sounds a bit weird but, depending on your interests, could be fantastic and you'll wish you did it years ago.
Well, I can sympathize with some of what you said. However, death is never an answer to anything - it's a permanent "solution" to a temporary problem. What I read in your post is loneliness. You say that your life hasn't started, but I'm sure that it has, and you've already accomplished a lot with it. For example, your "out status" says that you're out to you mum, sister, and a friend. That took an incredible leap to happen, and I don't want you to minimize that. While you might not have a partner right now (which is what I suspect you mean by "life starting"), all things will in time come. You mention that the groups that you have been referred to are not going anywhere. From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you've even attended any of them, so how can you possibly know that they aren't going anywhere? And if you have attended, what makes you think that, and what does not going anywhere mean? What sort of groups are they? There are no quick answers to problems like these, but you have to hang in there.
When you start being happy, then things will happen in your life. I'm sorry but its true! I went through a socially isolated / depressed bit of life. it was hard. The key is make the most of what you have. Set goals you can achieve now that will make you happier, even if they're not putting you where you *want* to be. Get fitter, start some creative pursuits, become a collector of something, whatever.. Attachment to an idea of 'this life' is just setting yourself up for disappointment. You need to let go of the everpresent "this isnt where I want to be" idea and move to something more like "am I enjoying this ride toward the next part of my life" Friends come out of engaging with the world, people want to be with happy people, interesting people, etc. It may take years (Im 26 and only finally just coming out of it), but just keep going - make sure every moment is spent doing something that will bring you closer to *achievable + meaesurable* goals. Worrying is wasted time. Also as for grand ideas of "life" being related to jobs, relationships, houses, families, whatever.... NO! Life is the bit inbetween everything else.
You are right, I haven't attended any meetings, I think I am just nervous about it all... I just wish I didn't feel like this... I wish my life was just simple and easy, like I mean this is like the main thing that is causing an issue in my life right now... if I didn't have this problem I would be fine. The worst thing is I live in London, so I should be able to meet people easily but I just can't... I know I need to do things and be active to change my life but I wish it could just be done for me... Everything seems so complicated. I just find everything so frustrating *SCREAMS*.
If life were simple and easy, none of us would be here now, would we? As for the meetings, I was nervous the first few that I went on too. Now I can just go, be myself, and have a great time. I'm referring to various different types of meetings here (individually meeting with my therapist, various different Meetup groups, a coming out group....the list goes on), and all of them have their own unique challenges associated. To directly (and pointedly) answer the question that's posed in the title of this thread, life starts when you want it to, and not a second earlier or later. While it would be easier to have that done for you, real change has to come from within. Probably not the words that you wanted to hear (read), but it's the truth. Feel free to reach out to us here and we'll provide that helping hand that you need to get through this. None of us could get through this alone, that's why we're all here, right?
