Hey... I truly need help and advice. Some people know of this already, but I need to share my story. There may be similar stories or good advices which I'm in need. Sorry if some English mistakes. I was in the closet since I was 14 when I understood I liked men too. My family is against homossexuality and I always thought I could avoid it as if it was just some temptation. But then about 9 months ago I met the most wonderful man I could ever wanted. I was 21 and he was 28. I'm now 22 and he's 29. Before him I had none serious relationship and I only had been with one guy once. But him had also been with a guy once and he had had 3 girlfriends. We were both in the closet and I thought we could come out together; not to the world, but at least to ourselves. I did it. I started to accept, because with all his words and the affraid he had to lose me made me fall in love. We were never too romantic nor were together every single day. But we belonged to each other, we were jealous and we had the best chemistry and empathy someone may need in a lover. I changed myself a lot, by accepting what I am. He was always less confident in this, he was always much more scared of the future and of what others may see or discover than me. When I fell in love, I stopped worry so much, because what I was feeling was better than any other thing I had ever felt before. I started to know him better than anyone since no one knew about his homossexuality. I could see by all signs how he was as gay as me. The more I knew his story, the more I could see how he grew up repressed in his sexuality. But I just loved him more, I wanted to help him. He told me he was no longer that horny for girls and that I gave him more than anyone of them has given him before. He has really low selfesteem and he told me I thought him he his desirable. I was the opposite of him. I was the outgoing, the party and the music. He was the homy, the rationality and the fortress. I never let anyone take me unless I could see that the person was perfect for me and I let him take me. I thought we were meant to be because between us all was perfect, all the problems we had came from outside or from fears and concerns. We were adventurous in the beginning, leaving our sort of romance in the car, here, there. But we never went too far. He was always affraid. He wanted me but he couldn't manage his two distinct lives as I started to do well in me. He needed to kiss me in public, to present me to his parents and to go out with friends and take me with him. But as we couldn't do that, he quit. Things started to feel bad. I felt him go and for a month he tried to put me away. Then we had a serious conversation and we sort of broke up at 1st June. We both cried there saying goodbye to someone who treated us like nobody else before. A week later, I gave him a letter telling him everything I thought and I felt and he returned to me. But only for a month. Then and again, the pressure of the social "normality" was stronger and he told me he felt he was using me for how I made him feel. That he felt I liked him more than he liked me and that if I was a girl he would stay with me. I grew up. I came out for myself and some friends. I changed. But now I lost the one who was there, the fortress I knew that understood what I was going through. The shoulder in which I could cry on. Some friends told me I had to leave him doing what he wants, even if that means letting him have a frustrated life. But it kills me to see how he his opting on his sexuality. He opted by being straight even after all we lived, after telling me he was no longer horny for girls, after telling me I made him feel the best. We talked again and he understood me, so that he told me he'd finish alone. That shows me how he may understand he won't be complete with a woman and he doesn't accept a life with a man. Everybody tells me I have value and that I need to start to think in me, but it kills me to see such a match being destroyed by his denial only. I can't do anything to make him understand, to take him back to me, to show all I have for him. Seems like this is all superfluous for him... He needs to understand that this is his life. I don't know what to do. We're finished and now I need to see him lying to himself. Or am I wrong and it is possible that now he marries with a woman and never again think of men? :icon_sad:
I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out between you two - it sounds like he made a big difference in your life, and you in his. But since I can't know what he's feeling or thinking, I'll say this. A relationship doesn't have to last forever in order for it not to be a failure. And if you both gained some clarity about where you stand on this - that you needed to move forward and that he wasn't ready - then I call it a success. Whatever else happens, he needs to make his own choices. If you're still in touch with him and can be there for him as a friend, then great. If he doesn't want that, then it's just part of what he needs right now. Time will tell what happens with that, but in the meantime, enjoy what he gave you.
Thanks... Yes, I really need to move on. The meantime scares me, to watch him choosing a woman when I'm quite sure what she gives him that I can't, won't be enough in a long-term relationship. It's all so unfair.
I'm sure it does feel unfair. But you also deserve to move forward and find happiness, just like he needs to find whatever it is he needs at this point in his life. Don't lose sight of what he helped give you.
You know, I'm in love with a gay man that wants a woman in his life. How sad is it? It hurts so much to see what he thinks he needs is not what he is... I'm sad and unhappy for him... But you're right, I must move forward and I'm working on it. Thank you...
