Is it bad to stay in the closet your entire life

Most definitely.
There's no reason to do so for your ENTIRE life.
I myself am in the closet for now, although I have told a few people. My plan is to be more open in college when it will be less of an issue.
Don't get caught up on the bigots and homophobes of the world. Gay or not, someone will always dislike what you do. We only live when we look past that and put more weight on the people who do love and care about us.

 

You're 14. You're going to reach a point where being in the closet is going to weigh on you physically as well as mentally. It's really self-destruction to reject yourself on a consistent basis. Just think about how awkward conversations are now about girls, multiply that by 10 when you're 20.. when most guys have already had some kind of experience with the opposite sex. The longer the wait, the harder it can get. My advice would be to just live for now and you'll know when to come out. It'll hit you like a ton of bricks. I do believe that there are ideal times to come out if you feel like you'll get resistance from your parents. College is usually the best.. but it's different for different people. To answer the question as it's put.. No, it's not a good idea and damn near impossible to spend your entire existence in hiding. As you get older, you're going to mature and your outlooks on things will be drastically different from your 14 year old self.

 

The one good overreaching reason for staying in the closet is "it makes your life easier". At the extreme end of that spectrum, there are places where being gay can put your life in danger. And if you're in that position, most definitely, it makes sense to stay in the closet for the time being.

But there are much lesser versions of "making your life easier". If you're staying in the closet forever because "this way, I won't have to have an awkward conversation with my (presumably-OK-with-it) parents", then you're making other aspects of your life far more difficult. Hopping to a destination ten miles away will save wear-and-tear on your right shoe, but it hardly justifies doing it for that reason alone.

My overreaching answer is this. If it really will make your life much more difficult to come out, then there's no harm in staying in for the time being. But you should also work on getting to a place where coming out WON'T make your life much more difficult. That might mean anything from working on your self-confidence, to getting a better group of friends, to moving to another location.

Lex

 

You can only keep the Rainbow in for so long, before it want's to burst out (*hug*) ride:

 

Bad? Probably. You'll run out of air. But then again, it might depend on how you live your life. If you become a monk, I see no need to come out.

I'm not sure why you're asking, but I noticed that you are 14 years old, and my hunch is that maybe you're a bit nervous about the whole thing? If this is the case, my advice is to relax and don't worry about it right now. You are very young to come out, and if you don't want/can't do so, there is absolutely NO HURRY AT ALL.

 

studies have shown that staying in the closet can lead to depression and other health issues...

 

"Bad" or "good" probably isn't the best way to think about it. But here are a few things to think about:

--What will staying in the closet do to my ability to relate to the other people in my life? Will it eventually make me feel dishonest? Will I start feeling isolated, as if they don't really know me?

--Will I be able to have a real relationship with anyone based on love and respect if I'm keeping such a major secret?

--I will certainly encounter gay people at some point in my life. How will I handle dealing with an out gay guy? Could I become abusive? Depressed? How could I handle it if he were my boss? My employee? My neighbor? My brother-in-law?

--Finally, if I decide to stay in the closet, can I do it forever? Will I have more regrets staying in, or coming out?

There are a lot of us on this forum who really believed that we could stay in the closet our whole lives. And I'm sure some people do. I can tell you from experience, though, that it gets harder and harder to keep doing, and it can cause you to make unwise decisions in relationships with people, decisions that get harder and harder to reverse over time.

You're pretty young at this point. People do come out at 14, but unless something is happening that you feel is forcing you to come out, I'd almost say you should wait until you are a little older and hopefully more secure. Don't do anything you're not ready to do. It's not a race. And if you do come out, it doesn't mean you have to march in a pride parade or put an ad in the paper or something. But think hard about it. I wouldn't have been ready at 14 either, but I expect I would have had a much different life if I had done it at 20 or 25.I certainly wouldn't be thinking about divorce, custody, etc.

 

Not a good idea, unless your not a relationship kind. It can take a toll on your health, both mental health, like me for example :lol: :dry:

 

The forum is called "Empty Closets" but, like paragraph one, things are never 100% black and white. I might add to that being out might make someone's work life unnecessarily difficult, but ONLY if certain conditions are present. Basically, that means the employer is run by or full of knuckle draggers. I know that, in the same line of work, most people wouldn't run into any problems, but a rare few might. What would be sad is if it were an issue ... and someone really liked their job. So, it isn't about political correctness as it is about practicality. The potential loss of a job, or being harassed at work, or an uncomfortable housing situation may be reasons for holding out until someone can figure out other options or making the necessary moves.