Lately I've been feeling stuck at the same place in my life. I just turned twenty, but it feels like yesterday I was in high school. I never graduated, but ended up getting my GED and it seems everything in between is a blur. Last summer I was in a car accident that almost ended my life. I hit a tree straight on going 40 mph and shattered my ankle, wrist, and fractured my skull. I was extremely intoxicated with alcohol and xanax. I don't remember the accident but I remember thinking about drinking myself to death before I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. They didnt know if i was going to make it. I was trapped in the car for almost an hour before they could cut me out. I lost so much blood I was taken straight to critical care and into surgery. I spent six months not being able to do anything. I couldnt walk or use crutches so all I could do was hobble around on a specially made walker. My depression got worse. I did nothing but think about how I wish I wouldve died. I continued to take xanax with my pain meds and laid on the couch all day. I even started cutting again. Once I started to be able to walk my mom had enough and kicked me out forcing to go to my dads who had two rules. No drugs and I had to enroll in school. My dad was never around so i continued to abuse xanax and smoke weed while I was in two general studies classes. I got a job and my was happy for me and I even convinced him to let me get my own apartment that he pays for. Thats where it all went down hill again. I ended up getting fired for not showing up because i was too fucked up and ever since then Ive been blacking out everynight. I even got in another minor car accident just the other day and had to flee the scene before the police came. I'm pretty much doing the same thing that almost killed me last summer, but i dont care. I have no motivation to do anything and my lease is up in a couple of months and I dont know where I'm going. I want to be happy but im just so lonely. I wish i could express these feelings to my friends or even my family but ive had this wall up ever since can remember. I just dont see a future with me. I have no hobbies or talents and have no idea what i want to pursue. I feel like im at a crossroads in my life now and I just dont know what to do to make me happy. I'm just looking for advice and venting about my issues, but please if you have any simlar experiences or just any advice at all please share. Sorry for the life story lol
You must be kidding me. So, you got into another accident because of your stupidity - drinking and driving, and you have guts to say that you don't care?? What if you killed someone? A family? A father of a family, the provider? Would that wake you up? Would that make you to look for a good job and pay a part of the life expences for that family? Or would you say that you don't care and cry here that you don't have any hobby and you are not happy?? You are adult, start to act like one. Go to a therapist if you are depressed, quit drinking or go to AA meetings, find a job or volunteer so that you don't feel useless. Get on your own feet and be someone who you would want to date.
