Seconds thoughts about my sexuality

You can still have a family, of course; you cannot have like a typical family with a wife and three (common decision) kids, but you can still have a husband and 3 (common) adopted kids. I know how it feels to be lonely, I have been all my life but that does not mean you cannot be happy.

 

Life is always worth it. You may not have a wife, a boy and a girl, and a white picket fence (Or maybe that's an 'American dream' stereotype), but you can have a husband and potentially some children as well, as well as a fulfilling and happy life. In the end, that's what matters most, isn't it?

 

What exactly are you missing out on? And like everyone else has said, you can still have kids through adoption and or having a surrogate carry your kids for you. Your life has meaning and is worth living and being gay should not alter your life plans. Although, it does make having children a bit more difficult. However, it is most definitely worth it in the end; all the hardships and obstacles will totally pay off.

I have kids already from a previous relationship with a man, but I'd love to have more in the future. However, not with a man, but with the woman of my dreams. Just hang in there and don't give up hope

 

Agree totally with pinklov. She is right life is worth living being gay I assure you. It will get better and you enjoy being gay and wonderful experiences ahead of you. You can have the dream too just not everyone else's version of the dream. I too would love to adopt children but not with a woman, the man in my life. Your time WILL come

 

If you can, I strongly suggest travel, even if it's just to the neighboring state (or country). Go new places. Meet people. See new things. Explore who you are as a person outside of your sexuality. The world is so wide and there are so many things worth seeing and doing. You can have kids, but outside of growing a family, you as an individual, regardless of your sexuality, have great potential.
Ask yourself, what do I enjoy doing? What makes me feel happy and fulfilled? And how can I have more of that in my life?
There are parts of society that tell us being gay is wrong, but that is a social construct, not a law of the universe. There are parts of society that tell us being a woman or not being white is wrong, too, but you wouldn't listen to them, would you?

 

live life how you want to live it

 

It doesn't have to be a struggle. You're not in alabama or uganda. There are a lot options but you have to let go of this notion of 'letting down' people who can't accept you. That's their problem, not yours.

 

+ 1

Great post. Even modern countries can still have doltish mindsets and inconsiderate comments might be said, but it's better than it is in those other places. Travel. Make more friends. The grandchildren argument should go right to the bottom of the pile. It's about you, and not about others. My parents never got any grandchildren from me, but they're not the kind to make those comments, but other people have made those comments to me and I told them they should mind their own business.

 

Hey,

I don't think you're missing out on much. I haven't been out for long, and I've had to work through an extremely difficult crisis to get to where I'm at, because I was in denial for a very long time and tried to live up to my perception of what society expected from me. Several months after coming out of the closet, I can tell you that, in my personal experience, being an outed homosexual is not always easy, and you may feel blue at times because of it, but it is normal and natural to feel blue at times. If it weren't due to being gay, it'd be something else. But trying to be something you're not day in and day out, and deluding yourself time after time to keep up with your own lies, will eat you up from the inside. It is very tiring to play a role all the time. So in that sense, you're not missing out on anything. Like most of the replies say, you can still get married, have children etc. Also, straight people have plenty problems of their own, even if it seems like life is so much easier for them at times ;-).

@Blueberrymuffin: Granted, there are worse places to be gay than Ireland, but that doesn't necessarily make a difference. For example, I'm from Belgium (pretty progressive when it comes to homosexuality), but that didn't keep me from being ashamed of and hiding my gay tendencies. Deviating from the norm can be enough for some people to not want to be gay and feel very strongly about this. Your own mind can be your prison. Not everyone is mentally strong enough to not care about what other people think of them

 

Of course it's not as simple as i made it out, but I've dealt with a lot of rejection and within a year had a complete turnaround, *because* I moved to a more accepting environment. 85% here support SSM, yet i still see "discrete" cases on Blendr or whatever. That makes me sad. There comes a point where it's just self destructive. Here's the thing. Those who won't accept us as openly gay don't accept us as closeted gay. Unless you're in a place - like alabama or uganda - where you risk real violence and oppression, you really shouldn't fear 'letting down' the homophobes.

This however, I totally agree with. I have a neighbor who is gay and has asperger's. He insists that being gay is nowhere near as difficult as the autism spectrum. I have hand tremors and poor hearing. I've only now bothered to seek help for that now that the closet is no longer suffocating me. Humans tend to fix one problem and stress about another.

 

Oh, the other thing i wanted to say is we all deviate from the norm in some way. I wear glasses. Should i become inconsolable and self-hating because of this? That just brings us back to the reason we can't accept *this* deviation, is due to the outspoken homophobes and religious zealots. Those types are disappearing and in fact are becoming shunned themselves. I'm not saying there won't be an internal battle first, but there's no need to be ashamed anymore in the long run.

 

@blueberrymuffin: I justed wanted to stress that, even if you live in an open-minded environment, you can still THINK that everyone will reject you for who you are or is silently despising/judging you; of course I agree that it is much less desirable to be gay in the places you mentioned than somewhere else. And I am very happy for you that you are (more) accepted where you live now . I understand what you mean when you say you find the 'discrete' guys sad, but I just wanted to explain where they are coming from, since I used to be that guy, even if it wasn't for very long... It IS self destructive and I agree that it isn't a good thing...

 

You can still have a family! It won't be very conventional, sure, but that's not a bad thing. Don't worry about letting people down just because you're gay. I know how scary things can be, thinking about your future and how it lies in other people's hands. I hate that I have to worry about being able to get married legally. I hate that it's harder to find someone that it is for straight people. I hate how much hate and intolerance there is in the world, and I know I will have to face it at some point. It's hard, yeah. But not so hard that you have to deny who you are, or hate who you are.

Ultimately, you have to be proud of who you are. You have to learn to accept and enjoy your lifestyle and make the most out of it. It sucks having to worry about letting people down and not having the perfect, easy life that you want. It's difficult to know that you will have so many more hardships in life than a straight person just because you're gay. But look how far we've come! Gay marriage is on it's way to being legal everywhere. (If you live in the right country.) There is so much more tolerance in the world for gays than there used to be, and it's amazing. I'm glad I'm gay. Because I can be gay without fear. I can be safe from intolerance because now, we are the farthest we've ever been for equality and it's getting better every single day.

It might be hard for your family to adjust to having a child that isn't what they thought he would be, but they will still be proud of you. They'll come around.