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My aunt who's said hurtful things to me is coming over

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by FightingShadows, Aug 2, 2013.

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  1. FightingShadows

    FightingShadows
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    When I came out as Trans, my aunt whom I used to be very close to didn't take it too well. I went through a period where I would vent my anger towards the general public on my facebook. My aunt became angry with me for such things and along with saying how venting my rage online wasn't exactly the best thing to do (agreed), she also said that I should seek professional help and somehow she had twisted my whole generalizing statements into me bad mouthing my parents. As we were going back and forth, I had brought up the fact that some LGBT kids' families don't take their coming out too well and even go to some extremes as to disown them and I also brought up that LGBT kids are bullied, harassed, beaten up and even take their own lives because of so many ostracizing them. She turned this COMPLETELY around and flipped out on me saying that I was bad mouthing my parents and shit. Which, I think it's needless to say, but then started a whole fight between me and my mom in which even she didn't believe a word I said even though I offered to show her my facebook to prove it.

    So, yadda yadda, my aunt deleted me from facebook and I haven't talked to her in months. Recently, she added me again and I decided to accept but let her talk to me first. She hasn't yet. The thing is, she's coming over Sunday and I don't know what to do. Part of me doesn't want to be there. Part of me either want to lock myself up in my room or head out for the day and not come back home until she leaves, but I also think my aunt will think i'm being a coward and the other part of me feels like i'll also feel like that too. Like I can't face her, that i'm not capable of having a civilized conversation with her. I just don't want to be there and have there be some huge tension or even worse, start a fight with her about everything.

    Any ideas on what to do? Should I stay home and face her, or leave the house for the day?
     
    #1 FightingShadows, Aug 2, 2013
  2. Gen

    Gen
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    I always advocate honesty. Not in the sense that you need to have a discussion, rather in the way that you act around her. Don't act like you are over-joyed to see her, but don't act as though you were just conveniently busy on the one day she comes over.

    If you don't want to spend the day with her, don't. Keep to yourself, in your room, or in the other rooms of the house, but don't avoid her. If you have to walk into the room they are, say hello and move on. Nothing else needs to be said.

    I wouldn't hide from her. I would show her that regardless of what she thinks, life goes on and you are not going to wallow in sadness because she doesn't agree with who you are.
     
    #2 Gen, Aug 2, 2013
  3. swimmertriangle

    swimmertriangle
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    This is a really sticky situation and I know the feeling. I think you should do your own thing and let her do hers.
    I would be polite but not friendly, if that makes sense? Say hi but don't make conversation because that could lead to more problems.
     
    #3 swimmertriangle, Aug 3, 2013
  4. AlexTheBlogger

    AlexTheBlogger
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    If I were in your shoes, I would just be polite with her and that's all. No fights and no arguing.
    Sometimes we get too tired of fighting and it's better to just ignore the person who treated us bad.

    But if you still have energy to discuss with her, do it. You don't need to be ashamed of fighting for your rights and for respect!
     
    #4 AlexTheBlogger, Aug 3, 2013
  5. Tightrope

    Tightrope
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    Facebook has some very weird dynamics and countless articles back that up.

    A lot of people post about religion and politics, fights ensue, and friendships end. Your aunt sort of has a point that it's not the right way to vent anger, though your passionate feelings are justified. Tone it down with her, avoid volatile subjects, and try to take the gist of the visit in a different direction. Easier said than done.
     
    #5 Tightrope, Aug 3, 2013
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