Dating sites? [removed] I'm lost...I have tried both with no luck. I'm not talking about just trying it for the past week, but I've tried using them for several years. It seems like everyone has their own way of finding someone (straight, gay, doesn't matter). I'm single, been that way my whole life, 26 yrs old...Am I unattractive? What am I doing wrong, or not doing?
Do you go out? engage with the world? take on new experiences? go to new places? meet new people everyday? have conversations with strangers? I've never had a relationship, but thats more to do with not recognising being gay until recently. The point is it's a numbers game. The chance of someone you meet being a potential relationship is very small.. Yes there are things you can do to increase that chance. Are you fit? do you care about your appearance/the clothes you wear/etc? First impressions matter. People don't necessarily mean to, but we're programmed to judge before we've even heard a word come out someones mouth. Anyhow, you dont need to increase the chance of someone you meet being into you, you just need to increase the number of people you meet!
Aside from work, I pretty much stay home. Seems like there's really nothing out there, and if there is, there's always a "couple" doing an activity together. Strangers are always in their own world and occupied. More than not, they are on their cell phone texting. I'm not fit, but I'm not a slob either. I like to think I have a very good appearance and dress nicely, but not attractive. I agree with you, even I judge people within a few seconds of laying eyes on them. Increase the number of people I meet. I like that. If only I knew a good way, lol. It seems harder and harder at this age. Everyone is already in a relationship, had experience, or is like me and just haven't had any luck.
You said it, people judge others within a few seconds so be the best you can be in those few seconds. Have you really ever seen a really fit person and been like "damn that person is gross!" No! You said your not fit, but not a slob either. Well why not hit the gym a little? It will make you appear better in those few seconds, gives you something to do, and will boost your confidence/mood. What about more serious internet sites than [removed]? There are some good dating sites where you can meet people with that it just being for sex. In fact, in your situation I wouldn't go on [removed] it all. Your chances of meeting someone on there is slim to none, and will make you feel rejected for no reason. I know you said you tried, but did you put a lot of effort into or just pursue (i'm guilty of pursuing myself and feeling like there is no one out there). Pardon me for asking do you wanna seek a relationship with a man or woman? Or are you just trying to make friends? I know you say questioning (and I respect that) but it does sort of determine your approach on these matters. If you are gay (or say wanna seek a male partner), it is the unfortunate reality of the situation it is going to take a lot more effort to meet people.
I am actually going to the gym a few times a week to slim up. It is definately something I'm working on but it takes awhile to see results. I tried [removed] more as a immediate last resort effort. As it turns out, it didn't go nearly the way I hoped for. I tried [removed] for several years, even obtaining a membership. I never got anything out of it. With that being said, my expectations of a membership-based site like ******** are low, although I never tried it. I really don't know which to use if I'm going to pay a fee. Well, that is a fair question, and a good one. Honestly, it could go either way. I would rather a relationship with a woman because I wouldn't have to fight the battle of coming out. On the other side, I have my...let's say fascinations of some guys...I actually thought since I'm "looking" at both sexes, it would increase the possibilities.
I met most of my dates at organized events - social/support groups, LGBT-themed events, etc. That way we started off with something in common. If it's a discussion group, you get to learn about the other people. The first woman I had sex with I met at a workshop on how to meet other women (this was back in 1978). We had a long-distance relationship for a while. I met the person I've been with for 15 years at a fundraiser party (for the NCSF). I almost didn't go because I wasn't in the mood to socialize, but a friend paid my way and convinced me to go. As others here said, the point is to get out and do things -- to increase the number of people you meet. As an aside, I'll mention that it was the numbers game that "caused" me to be bi. I reasoned that I wasn't likely to find many like-minded women, so I tried dating men.
^ not being a poop but you arent allowed to list dating sites on here, as minors are on here. just saying so you know in future
I think the biggest thing is to put yourself out there. If you think you're weird, unattractive, awkward, etc. People will pick up on the vibe and treat you accordingly. If you think you're the man, you have confidence.. people will feel crazy to look at you otherwise. It's all in how you feel about yourself. Which is why I preach loving yourself before you expect another to do the same. It's a very difficult journey, but you'll find that beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder. I live in the South and I prefer other races, so it's difficult for me, but when I come here, or talk to guys in other states on a dating site, they let me know I'm attractive ha. So it all works out. If you're conservative and not very 'scene' then I would recommend looking for a more laid back venue to attend. Such as a sports bar instead of a club. And don't go with expectations! Prop yourself at the bar and spark up a conversation with whoever sits by you. If you see someone sitting alone, go on over and ask if they mind if you sit there! It shows supreme confidence and that shit is contagious and attractive. Be yourself, but put yourself out there on a limb a few times. You'll be surprised at the response you'll get. If you're super concerned with it, I would say consult a therapist or start doing blind dates or something. Anything to get you the confidence boost you need to start feeling better about yourself.
As pointed out, you find someone everywhere. I'm gay, and I'm out, and so whenever I go out meeting people, I run into potential acquaintances, friends, hook-ups, and boyfriends. No, not everybody ends up being a boyfriend, or even a friend, but I've found the more people I interact with, the more I get (or at least CAN get) in all categories. Lex
