How to cope with a break up

I am so so sorry to hear this. It's sad enough to go thru a break up, but even more devastating when it comes out of the blue. I'm sorry that he didn't sit down and discuss things with you first. Hoping you can find lots of support here.

 

Can you go with him? Why Mexico, is he not a American born person and on a visa? Does he seem to love you at all? I find this extremely unusual that after being with you two years he has no feelings for you and could just leave like that! There must be more to it...... June

 

Wow! You took that answer better than I would! It sounds so cold, "relationships have a beginning and a end"! He is mid 30's! Not anywhere near retirement, so I don't get it! The Mexican born man over here on papers my sister dated years ago ended-up having a wife and kids back home but asked her to marry him and they too were living together. Needless to say when dad had him checked out and this was found, a real explosion happened and he ended-up being arrested and deported back to Mexico early as dad had his papers revoked. In our case all potential mates are checked thoroughly to be sure they are not gold-diggers which is dad's worst fear for some reason. How Mike passed I will never know! I am not saying this is the case with your man, but did happen to Jennifer and she was sure he loved her too. After two years of making love to you he can just leave like that? Like you have no feelings and no choice! I am just at a loss of words or excuses and my warmest prayers are being sent to you! June

 

When my wife of 4 years suddenly told me she was not in love with me anymore - I wanted to die. A year has passed since then and I survived a suicide attempt and slowly got better with depression through therapy. I am saying this to tell you I can feel your pain and I am so sorry you are currently going through this..there aren't many words or advice to help you go through this but I am going to tell you this:

When all fails and there is nothing left to believe in, when all people fail, friends are busy, God for some reason is absent and family is mean - I'd like to say I have a special way to deal with it, a rock that never falters or something that is constant - that makes me feel not half as insane as I do - but I don't. I do the one thing most of us do when we're hurt - I cry my eyes out, cut my wrists, bang my head to the wall, drink myself to stupor, smoke myself bonkers - and then, if I survive it all, tomorrow is another day.

And that's really the only way you can take it..take it a day at a time. An hour at a time if possible. And also a big hug to you. I feel you. More than you know..

 

No! I would not see him anymore as it will just prolong the pain. Get through it now, rather than later. The hard part is you seem to have no choice. Does he seem sad about leaving you at all? Do you feel he still loves you? Or have any chance at reuniting in the future? I still am having trouble understanding where he is coming from. I really don't want to say what I would think if Mike did this to me or what I would do as I probably would loose my mind for a spell and it would not be pretty, that I can gaurantee! My hats off to you for being so understanding and tough! You are showing how strong you are! I am happy to talk all you want! June

 

That was the question I would have asked too! Did you ever love me? I still don't think I would go see him. I think he lost that privilege when he made this life changing decision without talking it over with you first. Big things you talk over with your BF first in my book! Also it will be harder to get over this as it was so unexpected on your part and he gave you no choice to continue long distance or something at least. I would instead get out of the house and go try to have some fun. I know it will be near impossible at this point, but don't stew at home. You will just end-up running to him until he is gone and crash then. I just would not do that! June

 

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through - breakups are terrible, and this one as you say has nothing to do with how you guys feel about each other, but external reasons. If possible don't think of this as him leaving your life - think of him as a friend you will always treasure and have. The truth is that even one year is not really a long time (though it feels that way) - I'm a hopeless romantic in some ways so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. Relationships aren't only about how you feel (love), but also about what decisions you're willing to take and how much you're willing to put into it. There's no hard and fast rule for anything in life - it really depends on what you can and want to do at a certain point.

What I'm trying to say is that it's possible that he'll go back, regret his decision and come back. Or maybe you'll finish school, still be in love with him and go study in Mexico or something. Relationships are ALWAYS complicated by external things like this. What doesn't help is when we think of anything as a huge break or change - of course it is a huge break, but it doesn't have to mean the end of your friendship with him. Try to keep him in your life in some way since he means so much to you, but also try to let him go - I don't mean let him go fully, but let him go enough that you and he can figure out how you want to spend the next few years of your life.

I hope that made some sense.

 

The post above made since to me, except the way he handled this is like he was trading in a car. He use it till he was ready for a new one and trade it in and always have fond memories of the good ole days in the old one. I don't mean to be offensive, but it was the first thing that entered my mind when I read your first post. I would be extremely leery if he did come back TBH. You are 20 and he is mid 30's that is a fairly big age difference and at his age he should be getting ready to settle down. When I first met and fell in love with Mike he was 32 and completely wild, I was 36 and wanting security. Now at 37 Mike came around wanting me ready to settle finely and I was 40 last year and settled with myself with my ex (his cousin) a distant memory. I have noticed a lot of guys start to get ready to settle down in their mid 30's and yours sounds like he is there and wants it to be home in Mexico. That thought of mine being said, is still no excuse for his actions. Has he given you contact info in Mexico for him?

You have a couple weeks with him still here to sort this mess out if he means that much to you. You may want to test his feelings to see what you have to work with. I put Mike through a test when he made a big mistake in our relationship and if you are interested in what happened I will be happy to tell you what I did and how I knew how he felt. After all I just had to know how he felt, or was I being used. Mike had also crossed the line that would have ended most relationships and he could not figure out why I was mad was the funny part! Sometimes it is good to look at things through their eyes and try to understand them. Well I shall await your next response! June

 

chocolate and ice cream solves everything (*hug*)

 

I want to give you a hug so bad... (*hug*). I am sure it must feel hard at the moment but things will change... Good luck with it all, I hope it goes well for you (Sorry, I don't really know what other advice to give you).