Hello. Good day to everyone. Ever since I fully accepted myself as being gay, I've learned to love, maybe a little too much. The problem is, love is all I think about now, I dream of it, I write small poems about it; small phrases, I openly speak about it to my friends. It seems like it's the only thing I can think about. I find love a very beautiful thing, whether it's one of my one of my friend's boyfriend and her, or that couple in my school who can be bitchy and difficult a lot of the times. No matter what happens, I never wish for bad things to happen to people who are in love, no matter how cruel or bad they've been to me, I just can't do it. I always wish well to those who are in fights or have problems and always try to help out, it feels like a duty for me to preserve their love for each other. I always tell them, it'll work out in the end I always try to be positive and optimistic about them, sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. But I can't seem to tell myself it'll work out in the end. I can't seem to tell myself; 'you know one day, there's something or someone waiting for me'. I want to but I can't. It hurts, but I can't stop it, it's a bit like an addiction. I love a lot of my friends, regardless of whether they treat me nice or talk behind my back, I just can't tell them that I hate them. I just can't. I don't seem have my feelings returned to me ever and it hurts. And when they hurt me, I can't seem to not forgive... I can't be angry at them and curse them to hell or something... It's as if the idea and the notion of 'love' was removed from me right now, I would left with nothing but an empty shell, I sure can talk about politics and stuff, but all I think, talk, write, speak and wish for about is love. I'm afraid, I'm not sure what's happening to me, what my heart is trying to tell me. 'Love' seems to have clouded my judgement, it's seemed to have made me so easy to hurt, it's made so vulnerable, to myself and everyone else... Please help me... what's wrong with me?
I wouldn't say anything is wrong with you. You just have a sensitive, hopeless romantic side of you which is a beautiful thing. I think we all have that somewhere buried deep within us, often buried under hurt and pain. I appreciate people like you, who spread love without expectation... who love wholeheartedly as if you've never been hurt. Thank you for being one of the rare peacemakers. And I believe, deep down, that God has someone just for you, who will love you just as wholeheartedly. You will find solace in their embrace and heaven on earth will find you in their mere presence. Don't ever give up on love, honey, no matter how hard it gets. Hugs dear~<3
