I just saw that two guys who I'm friends with on facebook are now in a relationship. Looking back, I remember them both as being really sweet and sincere, and it actually made my heart melt a little to know that they're together. However, it also makes me feel ashamed... they got to where they are with patience and caring, but that's pretty much the opposite of what I am right now. Between stress from work and not having anyone to turn to at home, I've become an increasingly bitter person over the summer, and it almost makes me feel like I'm not worthy of having someone special in my life. It's a shit feeling... I mean, I have been improving on the outside, but on the inside I'm still really negative and angry most of the time... I really just can't wait to be back at school with my friends.
Well, the kind of shame you're feeling sounds more constructive than anything. It should motivate you to do something about it-- to get a hold on your attitudes about life enough that you DO feel worthy of having somebody to call your own. And even if nothing changes, school starts soon. So don't worry.
You shouldn't be bitter about yourself, I don't see a reason to be bitter. Being bitter is like holding onto hate, it's like drinking poison and slowly it will kill you. Perhaps what you need to do is improve on the inside. I think you're bitter because you're a bit jealous of them or that you are over protective of yourself. Relax a little, if you show yourself for who you really, discover who you really are, then some luck might come. Smile more, appreciate the smaller things in life. It doesn't hurt to smile and appreciate life a little more. Best wishes. Good luck.
We all have those times in our lives buddy. You feel that way because you are a good person and you know that you want to do better. Just work towards being the great person you are, and don't beat yourself up. I know that work can get me down. Where I work if you don't screw people over you tend to get screwed. That kind of an atmosphere can make a cynic within a week. Just know that you sound like you have a good heart and this is only a trying time in your life. Things will look up in your life and a good heart always deserves another good heart : )
