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I did something stupid and now I'm afraid of losing my best friend.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by memyself, Aug 8, 2013.

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  1. memyself

    memyself
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    I feel so stupid and I wish I could just know how I feel. Why can't my feelings be simple. I feel like I just complicate everything.

    So last night, I was sleeping over at my best friend's house. We used to have sleepovers all the time. I've known her for about five years now. We met when I was coming out of the closet. Back then I thought I was bi. We dated on and off for a few months and I eventually thought I was just simply gay. We stayed friends after that. We were a stereotypical gay guy and straight girl BFF friendship.

    Last night, I was really stupid. For while, I've been quietly wondering in the back of my head if I still have romantic feelings for her. All I knew last night was that I really wanted to cuddle with her, so I tried cuddling with her. She told me no and I got upset. All of a sudden I just started saying things that I never fully processed in my mind. I told her that I was confused with how I felt and I may still have feelings for her. She told me that she could never feel that way for me again and that maybe I should take a break from seeing her until I figure things out. I started crying and saying that I didn't want to mess up out friendship. Then I left and I've just felt so depressed today.

    I don't know if I'm just lonely, or horny. I've been single for about three years now. I did date a guy after her and shes dated many guys after me. Do I really feel this way about her or am I just lonely and looking for affection in the wrong place? I'm so afraid I'm going to screw up my friendship with her. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much. I don't know what I'd do without her.

    Now I don't know if I'm gay or bi and I don't know how I feel. I don't even know my f:***:ing gender identity. And on top of all that I feel so lost and hopeless trying to start my career in video game development. I just feel so lost and hopeless.
     
    #1 memyself, Aug 8, 2013
  2. Azrael

    Azrael
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    Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

    Taking a break doesn't mean that she doesn't want to see you ever again, it just means you both may need some space in thinking things out. When we rush back into things to quickly we risk crashing and hurting ourselves. Maybe a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months, it depends on how you feel. During that time you should be able to sort your issues and whatever is troubling your mind out, maybe get your job back on line.

    You know; love is as cruel and unexpected as it is merciful and infallible. You might actually have feelings for her, you might not, you might be desperate, you might not. But if you sort your problems out, you'll have a clearer mind and maybe then you can reach a mental clarity. Perhaps during that process of sorting things out, you might be able to find someone even better for yourself, who knows? :slight_smile:

    Anyway, I wish you the best.

    Good luck.
     
    #2 Azrael, Aug 8, 2013
  3. Lexington

    Lexington
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    It sounds like she said everything right. She wasn't interested in continuing on with you, so she cut you off at the pass. And taking a break from her is in fact the wisest course of action, so she was correct on that count, too. Because even if you ARE bi and interested in her romantically or sexually, she is not interested in you that way. So you'll ned time and space to get your head back in the right space, and so you'll once more see her as friend-and-nothing-but.

    Send her a message, text, whatever. Apologize for freaking out on her a bit. Tell her you see the wisdom n taking a break, and you hope you can get back to being good friends again soon. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #3 Lexington, Aug 8, 2013
  4. ryanalexander61

    ryanalexander61
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    I understand you are feeling depressed today, and it is understandable. But time heals all wounds and taking some time over a couple of weeks or months will clear your mind. Sometimes we are just looking for intimacy whether we had a couple drinks or it is just the right place/right time.

    If you are close friends this is probably just a fight or disagreement or misunderstanding. I know you are in a rush to figure everything out (as we all are at times) but try not to get too worked up. There are tons of gay/bi/lesbian people who have at times questioned themselves and go back and forth between the spectrum that is sexuality. It is alright and it is very normal.
     
    #4 ryanalexander61, Aug 8, 2013
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