OK, as I have mentioned on here before, although I am homo I am never picked as such and give of a pretty rugged vibe as such. As such I am often found attractive by very feminine bottom guys looking for a "real man" (which really I am not). I get into a constant situation where such men try to come onto me by behaving in an "alluring feminine" manner, showcasing their "sexy, feminine" traits. The thinking seems to be: "this guy likes women but if I am pretty enough and get him a horny he might go me"....Now I have no doubt that many guys exist that this strategy works very well with...problem is I am not one of them. My gayness is very much a case of an inability to be aroused by the overly feminine. I often feel really insulted by this behaviour (in particular the assumption that feminine behaviour should arouse me offends my very core) and often, in my mind, instinctively fantasise about grabbing the guy and throwing him across the floor and saying something like "don't EVER try that again".....Now I am totally non-violent and deplore any form of violence against LGBT people for being themselves so I of-course politely decline the offer. Masc for masc type guys have a tough time getting respect for their sexuality as valid....even by themselves. The other day I met a bi guy who was very handsome and very masculine.....he has sex with women but is totally submissive to men to the point that he rather his genitalia not touched. I explained that this won't work for me (but sorry to smash your illusion of me being "straight") and he was put off me anyway by that (liking cock making me not a real man)....likewise I was put of his "total bottom" status for much the same reason....what a bizarre game....we seem to be chasing a fantasy.
People are strange. :/ But masc -> masc can't be THAT uncommon. I personally like the more feminine guys, yet that's not to say I wouldn't go for a manlier type. Maybe you will find somebody who casts a wider proverbial net.
RSwordsman.....when one's sexuality is not cookie cutter.....finding a perfect fit seems near impossible. In fact to be precise, I sometimes find the right fit and a have an amazing few days with them at best...but they are younger guys who are not even close to a serious relationship.....in many ways it is often like being with younger versions of myself and I am thinking....poor things.....one day the will be old and lonely when their options start running out,...but I could never tell them...it would seem sleazy.
You get angry when guys show off their feminine side in front of you in hopes that you'll sleep with them? ...I don't really understand that but to each their own I suppose. I'm interested in responding properly to your thread but I'd just like some clarification first. The problem for you is that you can't find what you're looking for? Which, if I'm reading your last post correctly, is a steady relationship with a masculine guy?
I think I understand what you're saying. And I understand being put off by the assumption these men are making when it comes to what you're attracted to. I guess because of my lack of exposure to the gay community I have always thought that there was a plethora of gay masculine men looking for other gay masculine men, but that's a fault on my part for making that assumption I suppose. I know that I have a limited type of man that I'm attracted to and though it's not the same as yours, I understand your situation. I suppose that all you can do is keep on trucking buddy. Just keep looking until you find what fits you, and until then keep in mind that if you exist another like you has to exist as well.
Gay men likes men, men are masculine, feminine guys are insulting. Some people like you think that masculinity is better then femininity, only masculine men are real men, and masculine behavior is more desirable. It's called oppositional sexism. You assume feminine guys think "this guy likes women but if I am pretty enough and get him a horny he might go me", even to the point that you feel insulted. But those are just you, you are insulted by your own assumption. Liking people of the same gender makes you gay. linking masculine qualities doesn't make you gay, as there are masculine men and women. People can have preference, you can prefer the type of men you want, but stop being sexist.
No you are right, the majority of masculine type guys are into other masculine guys. I think Australia, where I am is a bit backwards, and despite Sydney's image as a "gay" city...most genuinely masculine homosexuals remain closeted and unavailable. I think there is a difference between "gay butch" and genuinely masculine too. I can only be attracted to an outright straight type masculine guy, which narrows the field to a very small pool of men when one takes in other considerations and compatibility issues. ---------- Post added 11th Aug 2013 at 06:29 PM ---------- Some fair points. Firstly I like masculinity AND people of my own gender...but I assume you realise that. Curious as to why someone would behave in feminine manner when the obvious intent is to hook up if they didn't think that would turn me on? I suppose angry was the wrong word...it instinctively bothers me....I am all for LGBT people being who they are and that is all these guys are doing. I am anything but sexist, but am not attracted to the overtly feminine.
Well I feel for you there. As a 'straight acting' gay man it has always been problematic in dealing with potential love interests. I'm not revolted or have thoughts of violence, I am pretty much indifferent to fems... Those violent desires may be a problem that you need to find a better constructive solution for. Anyway, I read what you didn't like. Perhaps its time to list that which you do like and want in a man, perhaps even post it and someone can give advice as to where those kinds of fella's hang out. IDK. I personally don't do the bar scene to find potential mates (I did bars to drink - oceans of alcohol) I did find partners at work, at the library, at 'private' social gatherings and being introduced to new people while 'networking'. I did meet one guy at a bar and we had a 'relationship'.... that was an interesting one.... Maybe you need to find other interests and focus on friendship making.. see what happens?
I am not one of these hyper-masculines who glorify all things male and macho and regard women as a waste of flesh and bones (in fact these guys irritate me too). But I cannot control what I am attracted too (both emotionally and physically). My life would be WAY easier if I was into women or fem guys. But as JoshuaLovely said, I need to keep trucking on. ---------- Post added 11th Aug 2013 at 06:44 PM ---------- I appreciate your advice. maybe I overdid the violence thing....they bug me that's all. Yep, I need to change the way I look for guys in more ways than one. I need to stop meeting guys who I already realise in advance won't be my type as well. I am wirter by profession (and make a living out of it) and right on fairly cerebral topics atm (that creates problems too)
