So its a year since I came out, and I have been thinking (well my therapist has made me think) of how much I have changed in a year. I used to live a double life, it was a mess and it almost destroyed me. On one hand I was trying to be "one of the lads" faking interest with women, clubbing, smoking, doing other stuff, partying at college (I got a 1st Class though ) etc. that was about me for 90% of the time. The rest I was a complete gay slut. I used to hang around the dodgy gay bar and just hookup with the first guy who wasn't insane and would take me home. It in retrospect was a dangerous dumb thing to do. I get tested for STDS and I never got anything which I guess is good. The double life drove me mad, I was scared of my "friends" finding out (I once told one of them I was bi to test the water, and he beat me up and harassed me. Thankfully he was drunk of his face so didn't remember) and on the gay skank life I never used my real name so there weren't any rumours or anything. It culminated in me covered in self harm cuts, in some guys bed (far older than me) wondering what the hell am I doing in life. Anyone else done something as retarded
I've done a lot of stupid things and fortunately have come out smarter and stronger for it. Sounds like you have too... guess we have a lot to be thankful for, eh? (*hug*)
It's not where you've ended up, it's about the journey you took to get there. You came out, at great risk to all of your original relationships, you made dumb moves, you also made better moves, but you moved; you changed things, shed illusions and the double-life, you became yourself. Coming out is an awesome thing to do. Sure you made mistakes, we all did, and yes some of them were dangerous...so you were lucky. But you learned something about creating your own path, about judging whether the destination you arrived at was a good one. You gave yourself permission to change your mind along the way. And because you took this difficult, thorny, and less trod upon path, you have made yourself all the more ready for the next big challenges that life will set upon you. Good for you!
Our Double lives were setting us on a road to destruction, but one day we woke up & smelt the Coffee, we came out to ourselves & this helped set us free from our restraints, this left us with our next trials, to come out to Family & Friends, each one we trust with our true identity, becomes another rafter in our support network, each Day making us stronger to face the World, We are Gay, this is who we are, now get over it
Since I have been here, I haven't come across a Greatwhale's post that wouldn't be well thought-out. I wanted to post something about double life, but I can see now that this is not anonymous section, so no way Good for you OP. I am glad your life is better now.
