Hi, guys, I need your advice on something :rolle: In September I'll be starting university and will be living away from home with a roommate. I don't know who she is for now, but it will positively be someone I haven't yet met. I guess I'm fine with that because I usually get on well with people, but I'm concerned because of my OCD. I've got several rituals and one of the most oldest and important for me is switching the light before I go to sleep. I mean, switching it on and off again until it feels right. And this is hardly ever less than five times; usually it's about 10-15 times My other rituals are less "visible" or at least I think I could do them when my roommate's not there to see me, but I think it will be impossible to hide this one from her. I don't want my roommate to think I'm mental or anything like that, nor I want to bother her with this thing but I don't think I will be able to control it. What do you suggest? Should I tell her about it at the very beginning? Explain everything to her? Or rather not say anything and wait till she asks (if she does)? :eusa_thin Thanks for any advice! (*hug*)
Personally, I think I'd address it up front. If you're open and say that you are dealing with OCD, and this is one of the rituals you go through, and how it helps you feel calmer (or whatever), she's more likely to accept it and be OK. If you just randomly start switching the light off and on for no apparent reason, she's either going to think you've got a screw loose, or you're trying to intentionally be annoying. In almost all cases, openness and authenticity are the best choices.
Well, OCD is a mental illness, so she's gonna think you're "mental" one way or the other. Still, it's better you're upfront about it, as not to scare her. People fear what they do not know (or understand).
Yeah, you're right, it is a mental illness, so I'm mental :icon_bigg But I meant it like creepily "mental", if you understand what I want to say. Like a person to be scared of :rolle: Anyways, thanks for your advices! I guess I'll go with telling her then. But how do I start a conversation like that? It's kinda awkward to say: "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Sayu and I have OCD so I'm kinda a weirdo and do these stupid things that a voice in my head tells me to do!" :icon_redf I mean... it's just really embarrassing :icon_redf Any ideas, guys? I know you will have some, you're always helpful!
Yeah, I get you, which is all the more reason to be upfront about it. If I were sharing a college dorm room with a person I never met before, and said person, out of the blue, stared turning the lights on and off, my first thought would not be "oh, she has OCD", but rather "oh, she's hearing voices that are probably telling her to kill me!!!" (and I have OCD myself BTW). So just tell her from the get go. As for HOW to tell her, depends on what compulsions you have, and when they manifest. For example, with your compulsion of turning the lights on and off before bed, 30 minutes before bedtime I'd sit her down and tell her all about it (and any other compulsions I might have). Don't overthink it too much. BTW, are you seeing a specialist about your condition? You can overcome many of your compulsions with exposure therapy. It must be very uncomfortable to have to turn the lights on and off before bed every night.
Thanks, Adi! Oh, yeah, that's probably what one would think (I'm kinda paranoid as well so I would definitely not sleep the first few nights if that happened to me xD). Umm, as I said, the other compulsions are not something that could bother her, so I don't feel like I need to warn her about them. The light switching is the main problem here, I guess. I started going to a specialist a few years ago and we were considering starting a therapy sessions but then something happened (actually, that was the start of my questioning) and OCD seemed like such a minor thing compared to the possibility that I might be gay that I stopped worrying about it for a year or so, until I was comfortable with this new LGBT thing. I never went back to therapy, though. But I'm considering trying it again when I move to this city where I'll be attending university, because I'd like to get helped with this thing at last As for the lights switching, I'm actually pretty used to it (I've been doing it for about eight years or so), so I don't even find it much uncomfortable, it's just part of my life now...
You're welcome. It's a shame you left therapy, as it might have helped you with the sexual orientation thing too (assuming the part of Europe you're located in is in the West, else it might have made things worse). Definately try to see a specialist when you start Uni. Make sure that said specialist has experience treating people with OCD (and is also gay-friendly, to avoid any possible nasty situations). The light thing will definately have to go eventually, as you'll have to learn to no longer be a slave yo your compulsions.
I think a lot of people know more about OCD these days. People are much less worried about it. So I hope/expect you get a good reaction from your room mate
I used to do this. It's crazy. I would just stay there and switch it on and off as fast as I can. I really feel you, hon. (*hug*) I think you should tell her that she'll have to switch the lights on and off and if she asks why, then you'll tell her. (Imagine if she does that, as well? Now that'd be crazy. )
At my school, in residence our Community Advisors would meet with us and each pair of roommates would draft up a "roommate agreement" - basically a set of living conditions everyone can agree on to avoid conflict later in the year. Your school might not have something as formal as that, but as with any new living situation, talking to your new roommate about how she lives and her personal space is a good thing to do. When you broach that topic and get around to nightly routines, that's an appropriate place to bring it up.
I don't know much about OCD, but do you think this might work? Switch the lights off in your bedroom, go to the bathroom or another place with no other people, switch lights in there until it feels right (while imagining you're in your bedroom), close your eyes and walk into your bedroom? Even if it works, it's probably best to talk about it with your new roommate when you meet. Good luck!
Adi I know the therapist could have helped me with that, too, but I guess I wasn't prepared for that sort of conversation back then... I needed to sort things out in my head alone before I was prepared to tell anyone. bingostring Thanks, I hope she'll be supportive! thatlonelyguy Thanks, I see you know how much it sucks :dry: (*hug*) Phew, if she had OCD, too, that would indeed be crazy! I don't even want to imagine, lol :lol: Oh, and the poem's great! BudderMC I don't think my future school does anything like that, but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised If not, I guess I'll just have to find the right time and place to tell her about it on my own, right? Aquilo Thanks for the idea, my friend, but I'm afraid it won't work :icon_sad: You see, I do this light switching thing with every switcher I walk by, so it really wouldn't help to seek another one (and, eventually, I would still have to calm down by switching the lamp at my bedside table) Thank you all for your kind words and great advices! (&&&) I love you, guys! (*hug*) If you have any other ideas, feel free to post them here, I will appreciate them very much!
Definitely let her know about it from the very beginning. What I learned from my dorm living experience is that what's most important is expectations. Set them early (for both of you) so that there won't be any unpleasant surprises or uninvited conflict due to miscommunication or lack of communication. At the same time, I also know exactly how hard it is to define these expectations and set boundaries with someone, especially when it's a total stranger. You're both trying to adjust to a new place and to the new person you're living with, and hopefully both parties will be considerate to each other. However, there will always be conflicts or situations that arise to upset either one of you. To minimize these surprises, set those expectations. If you tell her from the outset that you have OCD and explain what your rituals entail, she should be respectful and understanding of that. Then, when she sees you do what you do, she will neither be surprised nor annoyed. Basically, let her know what's to come. I don't know if your school does this, but for me, we had our roommate's contact information (email) long before school started. If you have hers, I highly suggest you just pop her an email and explain it all in there. This kind of stuff may be hard to talk about in person, and it's probably not the first conversation you want to be having with your roommate when you meet her face to face. Email also gives you a chance to be more thorough when you can write down exactly what you want to say instead of getting nervous and then forgetting or deciding not to say it in person. If all else fails and your roommate isn't understanding for some reason, talk to the RAs or housing department to see if you can get a room change. Hopefully it won't come to that. Good luck!
Musikk021, thank you very much for your answer! The school should let me know her name a few weeks before the start of term so I'll probably find her up on facebook and have a talk with her
Chances are she'll have a few habits (untidy or snoring/ sleepwalking) .. but I hope not for your sake :icon_bigg
