Hi everyone! I promised myself a while ago that I would not post again on EC because of various reasons...but I'd really like to hear your opinion, experiences, advice on this. It's something that's been happening a lot lately. Generally, I see people I think are attractive and then there are people I find myself attracted to. And that's when it happens. I get physically aroused when I look at certain women which always has this effect on me. First the attraction happens and I can feel it as well - I always feel so embarrassed... At first, I only feel slightly guilty but then when I'm still thinking about them hours later, my mind starts to wonder. When I start imagining them in a remotely sexual situation, I instantly feel disgusted with them and I start doubting whether I'm really gay... But I do want them, it's just my mind has this sort of block put in place after I start judging myself for wanting these women so badly. It seems like a never ending cycle because it prevents me from accepting myself which in turn makes it harder to get to know these people I like because I'm scared this would happen again. Has this happened to anyone?:help:
I think it has happened to quite a lot of people. I know it happened to me. The best way is to do what you are doing now: Recognize your feelings, Reflect on them, and Accept that it's okay to feel this way. Eventually, after awhile, the "disgusting" thoughts sorta just fade away because you allowed yourself to slowly acknowledge that you are attracted to the same sex and that it's not a bad thing.
This happens to me too. It used to happen more when I was younger. I would find myself very romantically attracted to men, but the thought of sex was repulsive. I would get disgusted and feel guilty. I just couldn't picture myself having sex with a man. But deep down I wanted nothing more than to be with one. When I was in school and had a crush on someone, I would just fantasize about hugging them in a friendly way. When I got a little older I even thought about kissing, or holding them in a romantic way. The thought of sex still repulsed me, but eventually I knew where this was going. Fast forward to now, I still don't know what sex is like, but the thought of it doesn't seem as repulsive anymore.
To me, this is the most important part of your statement. I can relate to this in two ways. First, the way described above I think most people felt when they were younger, you think about something sexual and feel bad about it. Secondly, I had a dream the other night I performed oral on my best friend and felt pretty crappy after that (I DEFINITELY don't want that to happen...). I'm still not 100% on WHY this is, but it does feel bad. But getting back to this statement of doubt. Does it matter? From reading all the advice people are giving about questioning their sexuality in general the key thing seems to be let what happens happen and don't worry about labels! When you say you're disgusted with them, do you mean that you suddenly think UGH that's not sexy or something else? It might be the same feeling you get after watching porn, while your in the moment you're thinking this is great, then the second your done you look back and think just how damn nasty some of it is! Either way I hope you feel better about it soon!
Thanks for the replies! When I say I'm not sure if I'm gay, I don't mean I might be heterosexual because I'm definitely not and probably never will be either. I don't know if I'm gay or asexual...but I can't be asexual because I get plenty of sexual feelings towards women, I'm just not sure if I could do the act.... I'm scared I might be just simply 'nothing', neither gay nor anything sexual, even though I want to have sex with women, and spend the rest of my life with them but I'm repulsed by myself when I think about real life people in that way. If it's just a fantasy, that's fine but the moment it changes into the image of someone I know (and even have a crush on), I can't physically allow myself to think about them and I feel incredibly bad about the fact that I was going to even think about them like that.
That might just be that your brain is trying to prevent you from thinking about people you know sexually because it might be difficult to interact with them afterwards! That might change if you're actually in a relationship with someone who you're comfortable being more intimate with...
