Hi all i am a closet straight acting 29 year old lad, nobody knows family or friends. I have a friend who is 23 years old so six years my younger, i met him through work five years ago and have become good friends ever since. It all started when i offerd him lifts home from work and we would call for a beer or two on the way home. We have both since left that job and now work at seperate places but still meet up at the weekend or mid week for a beer. He still lives with his parents as do i and he has never had a girlfriend and is still a virgin. I have slepped with a couple of women and he knows about it. So we spend a lot of time together and get on realy well as we are both imature when together. Whenever we go out it is always just the two of us and we talk about football and other intrests we share. We are both competative aswell and play darts or pool. Anyway after a few beers we often start messing around in the pub by touching each other in the belly or play fighting (basically holding hands and froliking) he often shows me his body as well for some reason so i respond in kind. Is this a sign of his sexuality or am i miss reading the situation? He often comments on girls such as she is fit and all the rest of it, nut when approached by a girl he shows little to none intrest. Now i realy like him and would like more than friendship but dont want to out my self and lose a close friend at the same time. Thanks for reading any advice would be welcome
It can be hard to say whether he's gay or bisexual. Probably the safest bet to take now would be to come out to him, but only if you're ready... Do you think he'd react well? If you're not sure or want to clarify his stance on LGBT people and issues, you could always bring up the topic somehow. From there, you'll have more information to take actions. Again, there's not enough to go off of here regarding whether he's gay or bisexual. We could speculate, but it's not a surefire bet.
This always seems to be the dilemma in these situations. But if your friend doesn't know you are gay, how can anything ever come with the two of you? I may think about coming out to him and see how he reacts. When a friendship becomes more than that for one person, it is very hard to preserve the friendship in its current state. You don't view it as just a friendship anymore because the dynamic has changed. You keeping this platonic relationship is going to lead you on. You are going to keep looking for hints and clues. If you come out to him, and he grows distant then you know your answer. You won't be able to be with him. What if he does get a girlfriend in a few weeks and starts bringing her around you? You are likely going to be very hurt. I would try to find a relationship away from this guy if you want to preserve the friendship, otherwise it will probably end bad if your feelings grow. If you are 23 and have never had a girlfriend and are a social guy I tend to think that is a little suspicious. Almost all of my straight friends have had some sort of girlfriend or relationship (they are mostly 23/24). But it is hard to tell, and only your friend knows the answer.
I agree ryan, a 23 year old lad who is vergin and never been in a relationship is suspicious but not enough to confirm anything. There are other signs or maybe on my part wishfull thinking such as when we first met he told me he kissed his male freind once, he has now retracted that comment and told me he was wondering what my reaction would be. He used to tell me how if he was gay his father would go mad and kick him out (if he was) if he ever found out about it. The other clue is how we always muck about with each other, we are both not the kind of lads that are into conntact from other people ( kind of invasion of space etc) but he does not mind when we do it such as grabing each others bellys or playing peanuts or arm wrestling, basically goofing around. When we are out he occasionly slaps my butt and the other night had a quick grope of my genitalls. Lately i have been trying to drop hints to him about my sexuality but he seems to blank it, and i cant make it much more obvious than actually coming out to him. I just dont know what to do for the best, also is the age gap a concern also?
