A small forewarning that this post is a little bit sexually explicit. So last night, I went to a party and had a lot of fun. I drank a moderate amount of alcohol so that I was quite drunk but certainly nowhere near out of control and I didn't feel sick nor did I have much of a hangover today. As the night proceeded, I got quite close to this girl and we were dancing together and flirting and one thing led to another and we ended up in the bathroom (a very small, cramped one) together making out heavily. We kissed for quite a long time and we felt each other up all over. I'd say it was a passionate make out but we were interrupted by someone opening the door (which had no lock on) and after that we were a little embarrassed and ended up leaving without going any further. This girl is stunning. She's very popular, all the guys want her and she's sexy as hell. I'm quite happy about the fact she went for me and everything, but that's not my problem. My problem is I had no erection during our make out session, which went on for quite a long time. I dunno if she knew this or not, since we were fully clothed and she made no attempt to put her hand down my pants or anything like that. However, I did feel her putting her ass against my crotch area a couple of times, and I was painfully aware of the fact I was completely flaccid. I'm definitely not asexual. I get erections a healthy amount of times and I have had sex before with a girl and I did enjoy it. I also do find girls sexually attractive and I know this for a fact too. But this isn't the first time I haven't been sexually aroused by getting off with someone at a party, which I've now done quite a few times. I know alcohol can stop one getting an erection and I'm really hoping it was just this because it was an incredibly hot situation and not something more deep rooted. On New Years Eve last year (as in 31st Dec 2012) I got quite drunk and ended up going off with this gay guy into a secluded area. He's really hot, he has a modelling contract, and I know for a fact he's very sexually active. He was really horny that night, and despite the fact I'd only kissed a guy before, I decided to take him up on his offer of giving him a hand-job. We did this for like 20 minutes and I remember feeling nothing. I wasn't disgusted or anything, I just didn't care for it much. He asked me if I'd go further and actually suck his dick. I was hesitant and didn't really want to do it, but he was very persuasive. Within less than 10 seconds, I was gagging and turned away from him and we stopped right there; I simply couldn't continue. It was kind of a traumatic experience, and I was very much put off guys after that. Since then, I've had one guy kiss me because I didn't see it coming but all the other guys that've come onto me I have pushed away. I've got off with quite a lot of girls (not a huge amount or anything but substantial) and I do definitely enjoy it but I feel like I want something more. Do straight guys always get erections when they kiss (not just peck, a proper make out) girls? Is it a problem if they don't always do so? I want to think that I am heterosexual but there are always slight feelings that tell me I do have this attraction to guys. But then the one sexual experience I did have with a guy was absolutely horrific and I just can't imagine doing it again. The idea of anal is repellent to me personally; when I say this, I mean me engaging in the act, the idea of two other guys doing it doesn't disgust me in the slightest, although I don't find it arousing either. I came out as bi about a year and a half ago or something, but then at the beginning of this year I "came out" as straight again. I know for a fact that some girls assume I'm gay, I'm not effeminate or anything but I think something in my mannerisms is associated with teh stereotypical view of gay guys. There's also the fact I'm quite passionate about gay rights and the fact I was once out as bi and that I have gay friends who I'll talk to one on one in public view AND I'm still in a high school situation (6th form now, but it's no less immature or gossipy). I guess I'm just confused. It's probably just because I'm still only a teenager, but nevertheless. I would like to feel something when I get off with a girl who is really desirable to all the guys I know. I think she's really hot too and I can even envisage having sex with her but I don't know if I actually find that arousing or not. One thing I should mention is I've never had a relationship with anyone. I'm really self conscious and I'm bad at making a move leading to many missed opportunities. To be honest I'm surprised I've got with as many girls as I have but that's another issue. I know for a fact that guys seem to find me really hot, but I struggle with girls finding me hot. By this I mean that I struggle with the idea of a girl finding me hot and so it makes me less confident around them. I definitely want girls to find me hot and some of my best friends tell me that they do, but personally I feel like girls don't find me attractive. Even if I have had more luck that some guys I know, I feel it's just that; luck. I still haven't had a girlfriend, the closest I've got is 2 dates with one girl who then said she "just wanted to be friends". Sorry for the long-winded post. Most of it's probably just rambling. I just wanted to get out some thoughts even if most of them aren't very coherent.
You're pretty active man. It's not bad, but I think you should give yourself some time to grow first and really think about who you are or what you want to be. When it comes to hook ups, I feel the same way. I have no spark with a gay guy because I normally can't find one that's "straight acting" enough. I like guys that make me feel... a little girly haha. In the aspect that I want to cuddle with them and I dig their swagger. Have you ever done anything with a guy that you've had feelings for? I would like to think that would be better for you then the random hook ups with men. I know for me that I don't have much interest in sexual acts with random guys.. it usually makes me a little worried because I think about, "damn.. if you're THIS easy with me, you must screw everyone" and I think about the other guys who were before me and it's enough to make me just want to kick someone out lol. I think you should try to chill out on the sex scene for a little bit man and just get to know a guy from top to bottom before you get involved sexually. And yes, you're a cutie pie, I think it may be that you expect a girl to approach you in the same manner that a boy would, and that's really your job as a guy to approach the girl. Just keep working on you and put less emphasis on others. Limit your associations and be really really careful man. You're really young and you should be aware of people who look to take advantage of others.
I've only had sex with one girl and just had that one bad sexual experience with a guy. All the rest of my hookups have just involved making out, with some going under clothes but no penetration. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. I'm not crazy promiscuous or anything As for doing anything with a guy I've had feelings for, the answer would be no. I've only ever had feelings for girls I know. The confusion comes from seeing hot guys sometimes and getting aroused, but this might be a case of wanting to be them rather than wanting to be with them. You're right; guys are expected to make the first move with girls and that's normally a problem with me (unless I'm drunk enough) as I'm not that confident and I'm always very aware of my actions. I just know from experience that there are lots of guys who think I'm hot whereas I can't actually confirm if there are any girls who think I'm hot, but I suppose they're not going to say it to my face, not in high school anyway and not if I've never had a girlfriend who might say these things.
If you don't quite have an emotional attraction to men, then I would recommend just finding some self control with the hot guys for a while And focus on the girls that are interesting you. Chances are, they like you exactly the way you are and probably think you don't find THEM attractive. Girls think a lot more than you do, trust me lol. If you have a hard time with "pick up lines" I would recommend just being you, and being honest with them. Just say, "Hey, do you want to get something to eat sometime?" Anything other than a definitive yes, is a no. Then you know if they're interested. Women are very easy for me to read for some reason lol. One of my theories of life is.. it really doesn't matter what you say, when someone finds you attractive, they will subconsciously find reasons to make you or what you do acceptable to them. If you're goofy and they typically like serious types of guys from what you can see, then when they show interest to your invites, you already know they like you. That's just an example. But yeah, I'd say chill on guys for a bit.. (at least from any physical standpoint) and focus more on the women and trying to build emotional bonds with men first to see if that gives you the extra push you need to enjoy something physical with them.
Like I said I've pushed away the guys who've made moves on me this year and I have mostly got off with girls. But yeah, it's easier to be a shy gay guy/straight girl than a shy straight guy/gay girl in terms of getting with those you're attracted to I think.
