My home life is driving me crazy, and I can't wait to move back to school, but at the same time I'm also nervous about that because my new roommate doesn't know I'm gay, and I really have no idea how he's gonna take that. On top of that, I don't have anyone to talk to at school. I posted earlier about my friends, I don't think they know how to handle the news about my sexuality, and it kind of makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed, and I know I shouldn't feel that way but I can't help it when I'm around them. I can tell they're disgusted and that they think it's wrong. I've been feeling really lonely, and when I'm not lonely I'm either numb or seething about something. My anxiety has also come back, which hasn't helped anything. I just feel so stuck right now... I can't be myself at school and I can't be myself at home. I'm starting to realize that I barely have anyone to turn to anymore. All my friends who accepted me and who I could talk to are in other countries, and most of them I'll never see them again. I literally came back to a fresh start, and I haven't gotten very far. Don't get me wrong, you all on EC are great, but I need someone who I can actually talk to in real life. I came out and was automatically accepted by everyone, and now that's been taken away from me. It makes me so angry that my old friends who I missed so dearly are having a harder time accepting me than total strangers during my year abroad, I expected more of them than that. I know that eventually I'll meet better people, but that's not helping right now. There's no telling when that's gonna happen, and I feel really angry about it all the time. I thought things were going to be easier when I got home, but I was so wrong... I hate this so much.
I realize this is more of a need to be able to share with someone than to get advice (which is really ok), but maybe you could try some LGBT centers or support groups? In your area and in your age group there should be a bunch of activities for you to choose from and to actually meet other gay people. Friends can be a problem, yeah.. people who we always thought of as close, finding they can't deal with you now that you've "turned" gay. Isn't that like those funny reactions to new food? "Oh my god, this is delicious!" "Yeah, it has a lot of olive oil" "Oh, yuck, I hate olive oil". No.. no you don't "I think you are a great person" "I'm gay" "Oh, dude, how do you look at yourself in the mirror?". Oh well. The thing with friends is: either they'll accept you or they are not worth your time. You can be civil with them, sure.. but you don't need to be friends. You can meet someone who likes you for the whole you.
