Hi, I'm a gay guy from a middle east and a homophobic country.I'm 22 and I've been feeling extremely depressed since 3 years ago.Finally,2 months ago, I decided to go to a psychiatrist who put me on an anti-depressant.Hopefully, he knows everything about being gay and he told me that I should definitely think about going abroad. Now, I don't know what to do. I know I should get out of my country,but I just don't know how. I have studied engineering,but I'm not really passionate about it, cause it's been so hard for me to the point that I couldn't imagine myself being able to continue my education in that field. In addition, I don't like any other field. I feel I'm stuck in my country. I don't have any friend right now, because I'm reluctant to make any friend whom I can't feel myself with. It's a really bad situation. I feel depressed all the time and sometimes I feel that my life is ruined and I can't do anything to fix it. Going abroad is difficult either, especially for someone in my condition. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?
Hi, sorry to hear you are under so much pressure. There was someone else recently posted on EC about being gay in your part of the world. (If I can remember his username I'll tell you). I think the main thing is not to rush in to anything and give yourself time to put together a well thought out strategy because it sounds like 50% of the problem is feeling isolated and pressurised and panic is setting in. Short term you have already taken a big step in seeing the therapist and getting on the meds - will you see him more?? Medium term you need to plan whether you can structure a life in your current location or whether moving to another country is an option. Moving country sounds a bit of a big step if you can make life work where you are ? Do you have friends or a relative you can trust and confide in where you are? It would be much healthier for you to have someone know your situation. Someone supportive you can discuss things with... as well as EC people of course!! Are you in a city .. there must be a group or place to go to meet a few like minded people? Could you use your engineering background to go and do further studies at a university abroad for a short time? Hey /// luckily you are only 22 (that's young!!) and plenty of time to steer your life in a positive direction...
I understand several middle east countries have various laws discriminating against gays, and promoting homophobia, so getting out may be useful. Did you have a perticular country or region in mind? That could help. Do you have any family that has immigrated to another country that is more LGBT friendly? In general, family ties tend to make immigration easier....
I remembered the post I mentioned above: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/104754-whats-like-being-gain-middle-east.html
I know things are hard, but your anxiety is is hyping you up and you are not thinking rationally at them moment and the way you are posting seems manic. I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this predicament, but please give yourself some time to adjust to the medication, that could take a few weeks at the very least, and then you can start to make some rational decisions. The answer is right in front of you, but you just need to calm down before you can find the answer
Firstly, thank you for your response. Well, there is no community center for LGBT people in my country and there is no way I can find someone in my condition. All I can do is getting out of this place. Unfortunately, I don't have any relative abroad whom I can trust. Once I loved my engineering major, but now I'm not passionate about it anymore. I don't know who I want to be in future and what I really want out of my life. Besides, I'm tired of falling in love with guys who I can't imagine myself having a relationship with. I deserve a life just like other people but it's not gonna happen easily. By the way, now I feel a bit better after describing my situation.
Get a passport, and a visa to work, go to school, or live anywhere in Western Europe, North America, or any other part of the world that has more protections and acceptance of homosexuality. Start a new life, and make new friends wherever you decide to relocate.
I'm quite happy your psychiatrist was a nice guy and recommended you move to another country, and not recommended you get a lobotomy or something of the sort. Slightly restores my faith in humanity. His advice is good, and an engineering degree sounds like something that could definitely help you land a nice job in some Western nation. You might not feel as passionate about it, but it could be your ticket out of there, so look into what options you have in either continuing your education abroad, or finding a job there.
Well, my friend! It's easier said than done for someone in my situation. But I will do my best to get rid of this place ASAP. However, I haven't found my direction in life yet. As I previously told, I don't know who I want to be in future!!!
Homosexuality is illegal in most of the Middle East, oftentimes punishable by death. There are also very few men who are not closeted there, most marrying women and having anonymous hookups with men in motels and such. Not much of a life he can have in that region.
Thank you Adi!!! Yeah, I'm so happy that I've got an open-minded psychiatrist here in middle east! Maybe I sound a bit perfectionist, but I really want to do a thing that I love as a job or educational field. The engineering field has been so hard for me and when I was in the middle of it,I just wished it would end, although I passed all the units successfully. Again thank you for your positive and nice words!
I am glad you are feeling a bit better today - you see, getting it talked out with other people is healthy. Will you stay with your psychiatrist and see him regularly? Or can you get a regular therapist ... that would help you work through all the issues and options open to you? It seems an area you can make progress with is working out what your career path might be - because, simply, it will be a passport to your full working life and a route out of your country also. One is to write out your strengths and interests. You don't sound too happy with engineering but it is a broad subject. Was there is an aspect of engineering that interested you that you could focus on and follow? The other thing that may be helpful is to see a careers counsellor (yes, sorry, more therapists!) who could assess your skills and explore options. (*hug*)
It's natural for you to want to do something you're really passionate about. Most human beings have such a desire. However, in my opinion, your no. 1 priority right now should be getting out of the Middle East. You won't be able to pursue your passions if you're arrested and stoned to death. People with degrees in the STEM field (which includes your engineering degree) are very sought after in the West, so that's why I was saying that your engineering degree could be your ticket out of there. You could change professions once you get out of the ME and have some money saved up and are officially a citizen of your new country. Another possible solution: If you're from an arab-speaking country, and your English is very good, you could get a cetificate in translating/interpreting. People who know exotic languages (Chinese, Japanese, Arab etc.) are sought after in the West. These jobs pay decently, and they're not that demanding (certainly not as demanding as being an engineer), so you could have time to find what you're really passionate about.
Thank you again for your kind words and useful advice. I talked about therapy to my psychiatrist, but he told me that I should take the anti-depressant first and after feeling better he would start therapy. The point is that I don't feel much energetic and ambitious as I used to be when I started engineering.It is absolutely the result of the depression/anxiety during these recent 3 years. And about career counselor, I would definitely think about it. ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2013 at 03:20 AM ---------- It's natural for you to want to do something you're really passionate about. Most human beings have such a desire. However, in my opinion, your no. 1 priority right now should be getting out of the Middle East. You won't be able to pursue your passions if you're arrested and stoned to death. People with degrees in the STEM field (which includes your engineering degree) are very sought after in the West, so that's why I was saying that your engineering degree could be your ticket out of there. You could change professions once you get out of the ME and have some money saved up and are officially a citizen of your new country. [/QUOTE] Yes. You're right. It seems that I should stick to engineering for some time and then change my direction into another field. Thanks again :icon_wink ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2013 at 03:22 AM ---------- Yes. You're right. It seems that I should stick to engineering for some time and then change my direction into another field. Thanks again :icon_wink
Adi is right when he points out your language skills. Your English is very good and very valuable for your future career possibilities and locations around the world. Also, the problem with depression and anxiety, and meds, is you also lose the energy to think positively. So you need some extra effort. It will work out. Just needs a bit of strategic thinking ... and planning! Rather than feeling its negative, this could be a very exciting stage opening up for you ;-)
Dear bingostring, I love English. As a child, I always listened to English songs and sang with them. One thing that I won't ever get tired of is English. Although I should learn a lot about this language in order to be VERY good at it:icon_wink Again I appreciate you for your inspirational words. I feel much better,now. I love this forum and its members!!!
as other people said, your English is VERY good. i wouldn't have even known it wasn't your native language. that is a HUGE advantage when it comes to immigration. i would stick with engineering, but if you absolutely hate it, then don't torture yourself by continuing with it. your life could be at risk, so getting out is very important. i would look for a country in western Europe, north america, or Australia, as they tend to be accepting of homosexuality. if you have a family member that you think would be supportive, i would talk to them. this must be very hard for you, and i really admire your courage. good luck! (*hug*)
Being in a lousy situation can make depression worse. And when that happens it can seem impossible for things to get better. When you find yourself in that situation, you have to do what ever you can to make it better. Your next step dosen't have to be perfect, or a permanent change. Once you can improve your situation a little, you can take some time to figure out what to do long term.
