Am I just totally stupid or have other people done this?

So I came out (as lesbian) to a pretty good friend a few weeks ago, after he told me he was interested in me. He took it really well, and we probably became even better friends. This week is my summer break between semesters and I honestly intended to just completely party for a week straight...which is pretty much what happened.

Monday night me and this friend agreed to meet at buffalo wild wings and hang out. We ended up meeting up with a couple other friends there. We had a few drinks, then ended up going back to my apartment to get really drunk...just as friends, hanging out and drinking together.
I ended up having a total of 34 shots of rum...and also sleeping with him.

Neither of us really remember much of that night. What we do remember is pretty much the same thing happening Wednesday. And last night.

Wednesday my logic was "well maybe I was too drunk to like it." or "maybe I can make myself be different if I try hard enough."
Last night my logic was "So I know I can't change...but maybe its better to pretend I'm different."

I just feel numb. Yeah I had fun hanging out with him, and there are a lot of things about those nights that we'll probably always laugh about (we pretty much re-created The Hangover...LOL). But I just feel numb. I'm more sure about who I am than I've ever been, but I also feel like I don't know who I am because of what happened. I've told him again that I only like girls, and he's still ok with that and knows we'll only ever be friends. This will probably never happen again, it was just something that happened during a summer break filled with alcohol, but I still don't really know what to do from here.

I just keep thinking "well what the f*** do I do now?" Is this the point where I figure out to just be myself, and stop hiding? Has anyone else had a similar experience? Or have any advice at all?

 

That actually does help, thanks (*hug*)