I don't know how I feel about anything? I don't really know how I feel anymore. Everything is just gray, and I don't know how I'm feeling inside. I don't really feel anything. I just exist. Alive but not living I'm not particularly sad or angry or anything, just really "gray". I've thought about suicide before, but I haven't done it because I was scared. That was a long time ago like 3 years ago. I feel like Im lost in a state of mind. I dont know who I am. Its sad really IDK why but I haven't consider this because Im afraid of blood and pain but Im very scared of the sight blood I turn away anytime I see it in person or on TV but sometimes I see myself in my head cutting myself. I wonder what thats all about? Does that mean I want to do it in my subconscious mind?
I'm afraid it sounds an awful lot like you have depression. In some people a depressed mood manifests as a lot of negative emotions; in other people it manifests as a complete inability to feel any emotions, which is what you seem to be describing. Those people sometimes turn to self harm as a way of forcing themselves to feel something/anything; the physical pain fills the void left by their emotions. If you're thinking about self harm and suicide, I really would recommend going to see your doctor. They should be able to refer you to a therapist to help you work through this difficult emotional state and get back to your usual happy state of mind. I hope this helps, and I hope you feel better soon (*hug*)
i feel like that today and yesterday morning, i hope i'm not slipping back into those days. well at least you are not alone in these unwanted feelings, unwanted yet feel so familiar :/ i don't know how to get myself out of it, exercise helps sometimes - triggers happy hormones, but what about at night when i'm in my bed feeling blue? i don't know how to help. you wish to self harm, but don't know how so consider the usual more well-known method of cutting, or perhaps you want to self harm to feel again, or to simply hurt yourself. i used to "self-harm" by starving myself to take control of what seemed like a life i had no control over. we all have our own reasons. once i took control, it alleviated the self-harm tendencies, and my eating habits are much better (but just this morning i skipped breakfast!). (*hug*)
