I have so many problems that it becomes tedious to count. At the same time all these problems are brought on because of who I am and how I won't change and the society we live. The idea that humans are ever-wanting and nothing can quench its thirst can be seen him me. I want everything. I may be wearing an outfit thats worth thousands, with a guy on my hip, and money in my wallet, and perfect grades but it doesn't change how the insecurity in me and the craving for more never ceases. I create so many problems in my life because I am deceitful, slutty, insecure, cruel, heartless, and needy. I want more then 1 bf because I need to show off. I need more then one pair of designer glasses. My six pack isn't enough for me to stop taking diet pills. Even at my age I use over 20 products a day for the fear of bad skin, wrinkles and other things. I just can't seem to accept anything and realize I am good enough because the world still doesn't see me in the way I want it too. Most will say you need to love yourself but what do you do if the only way you'll love yourself is if the world loves you unconditionally? I am just soo confused on how I am supposed to change in this world to be happy and how to be successful.
In your opinion, where do you think these feelings have originated from? There is always something at the heart of insecurity. When we feel that we must flaunt our strengths, it is usually because there was a time when we felt that they were things we lacked. Was there ever a time when you didn't feel attractive, lovable, skillful, or important much at all?
I've always felt attractive and loveable. I've always been great at soo many things. I have been given a lot of power in so many decision in so many different aspects and I have helped a lot of people. I feel important as well. I just feel it is never enough and that because I am a complete bitch I create the problems that plague me.
Hm. This probably won't sound supportive at first, but it's intended to be. Please bear with me. First things first: The world will never love you unconditionally. That's physically impossible. There are close to 7 billion people on this planet and most of them don't know you and don't care. Many of them have different and conflicting notions about what is and isn't good or lovable, so even if you make one group happy you will automatically make another group unhappy. So perhaps scaling back the goal a bit might be worth considering. Maybe you should instead focus on what makes you happy? Based on your post above, the way you're currently doing things isn't really doing that. It also sounds like you have some self-esteem issues, which could be fueling both the insecurity and cravings. So what about you don't you like that you feel the need to try to compensate for or cover up with all these other behaviors? Exploring and coming to terms with that might also be helpful. That all said, I'm anything but a professional therapist or counselor and someone like that might actually be who you need to talk to to work through this. Although I'm sure everyone here is happy to talk and be as supportive as you like. I know I am. So, that's my 2c: Focus on what makes you happy vs what you think will make everyone else happy. Try to address what looks to me like some self-esteem issues so that you don't feel so much of a need to be 'perfect' in the eyes of everyone else. Hope this helps, (*hug*) Todd
Well, if you have faith in your self worth, then what it is that drives you to do these things? What do you think will happen if you don't obsess over your appearance or garner a lot of attention from those around you? You know you can find a boyfriend or future partner. You know you can be accomplished in life. People who obsess over their appearance, materials, or wealth often do it because they have lived on the worse end of the spectrum and what to make sure they never go back. If you don't feel that is the case with you, then what is it? It can be a time when you couldn't find a significant other, a parent that was never pleased with anything, a time when you didn't have many friends. Something in your past or present is causing you to feel like you need to be perfect and gain attention to be happy.
I do things like take pictures that would be considered inappropriate and post them on social media so people can admire my body and feel envious of me. I enjoy this but it is never enough. I always crave more of it. I tease people because I like knowing that they are hurt and I revel in the power I get from that. It makes me happy when I am allowed to have the power to hurt people or the power to make them feel envious.
Why do you enjoy the idea of people feeling envious of you? Why does it make you happy to hurt people? Todd
Two words for you: Brené Brown. What you're dealing with, ultimately, is a very strong sense of shame. You may not be aware of it, but that's what underlies the perfectionism, the need for all the physical manifestations of wealth, privilege, success. Shame in its deepest form is the engine that drives the insecurity that makes us obsess about our appearance, our friends, whether or not we're liked, how people will perceive us. Shame at its core is the deeply held belief -- often not even accessible to our conscious mind -- that we are not worthy of love and belonging, and so we do all these things, work harder, strive for "perfection", dress nicer, buy more clothes, a fancier car, a bigger house... whatever it may be... But the problem is, it's never enough. We end up, as Dr. Brown puts it, "hustling" for our worthiness. And that ultimately fails. The solution isn't super easy, but it's not impossibly difficult either. Basically, it's learning to love and believe in ourselves, exactly as we are, and to stop externalizing our happiness. As soon as we can truly love ourselves exactly as we are, without a million face creams, expensive clothes or sunglasses, a fancy car, a big house, a trophy boyfriend or a prestigious job... then suddenly, all those other things don't matter as much, because we realize that we don't need any of those things to be happy. I suggest checking out two of Brené's TED talks, "The Power of Vulnerability" and "The Price of Invulnerability", both on Youtube. If her work connects with you, I'd suggest either the books "The Gifts of Imperfection" or "Daring Greatly." I think if you watch and read her work and approach it with an open mind, it will be life-changing for you.
THank you for these suggestions! I will be looking into them this weekend when I have some free time!
