So I'm not sure if anyone remembers me. I was active here for a very long time a few years back but just in case here's the back story. I've been out for ages. Told my mom in sophomore year, told my school in senior year and told my Dad a year later. (dad wasn't much related to my school life, he lived on the other side of the state and was only ever concerned with grades, so when i told the school he didn't know) Since then I've told anyone who asks. I don't make it obvious but I'm make no effort to hide it either. At this point I'm 21, have my own apartment and a full time, well paying job. You would think I'd have confidence flowing out my ears, and I usually at least act like it. But today I was walking around a thrift store, looking for a new pair of jeans, and this totally smoking hot guy walks by. He stops a good 10 feet down the row and starts looking at some jeans also. He was kinda effeminate, thought not excessively, fit, had nice hair, and was totally setting of my gaydar. I wanted to say something, anything to start a conversation but all confidence I had went straight out the window. I kept staring at the pants and eventually he walked away. I've been single about year and i think that's why. I can't talk to strangers at all. Except on the internet. So how do you talk to people?
Hiii I remember you Good job with your life so far I know how you feel, when I see a good looking guy I just lose all confidence straight away, but I think its because I never had a partner so.. yea I need to work on that.
Hey Z3ni, nice to see ya again. good to know I'm not the only one with confidence issues seems like the support and advise section has kinda died recently doesn't it though. i miss the full page posts that used to be guaranteed haha *wonders if they need mods here*
You start with something small like a comment about the jeans. Hold them up and say what do you think about these? If he was interested he might say something, if he had a heart he'd say something and if he was an asshole you'd know right away too. Or say I like your hair. Everyone likes an honest compliment.
To learn how to talk, you must first learn how to listen. Even though I'm an introvert who rarely does social things, I have developed methods of doing small talk and generally find it easy to talk to others. However, like you, I can be uncomfortable with trying to initiate conversations, especially with guys I am attracted to and don't have any direct connection. A small example: There are two handsome German guys who ride the same bus at my university. For over a month, I kept seeing them there and outside my building where they eat lunch, and eventually seemed to recognized me but never said anything (I am very good at reading others). I couldn't talk to them because I was intimidated by their looks and the fact that only the taller guy may be curious and they are likely roommates (the shorter guy is probably straight since he avoids unnecessary glances at me). I didn't know how long they would be here since they might have been just summer interns, and I was sad that I would be taking classes and probably miss seeing them in the morning. A week before classes, I was sitting and finally mustered the courage to ask a simple question about whether they were speaking German to each other. I knew the answer, but this was a safe, low-risk icebreaker. Then I started asking questions to show my interest in them, what they do and where they came from, putting in my own tidbits of knowledge/opinions where they are useful. All-in-all, I find it's easiest to talk to people when you ask them to talk about themselves; though, some people can talk a little too much, LOL. Now that we're on speaking terms, I am getting a better picture, and the taller German guy at least is talkative and interested in learning about me. My only regret is that we didn't start talking earlier; now that classes have started, the buses are often crowded.
