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Will I ever know what my sexual orientation is?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ChromeNerd, Aug 31, 2013.

  1. ChromeNerd

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    I just can't decide whether I'm lesbian or bi. :tantrum: I'm getting reason sick of this questioning phase. Will this phase ever end or will I be in this phase forever? I've already tried not labeling myself, but that just makes me think more about finding a label.
     
  2. redneck

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    You are probably bi with a strong preferance to females since it seems that you feel the "lesbian" label doesn't fit you (my guess as to why you are bouncing back and forth). But I have bad news sexuality evolves I'm 32 when I was your age I knew I liked boys but was in denial. By college I labeled myself bi-curious. After my divorce from a good woman I still love but never felt right (still doesn't know about my sexuality) I started experimenting a bit and changed my label to bi. After several years of wrestling with the question of bi/gay I realised that even though I still find women attractive that the desire for sex or a relatonshp isn't there. Now I identify myself as gay.
    For some discovering your sexuality is a long term experience not an overnight event. Whatever label you decide to wear at the moment just be who you feel you should be. Don't change to fit the label let the label change to fit you. Buy some gas cause the trip to sexual discovery can be long but it is also hella fun.
     
  3. ChromeNerd

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    I don't really have any desire to be with a guy.
     
  4. redneck

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    For some reason you are waffling between 'bi' and 'lesbian' that tells me that for some reason you feel 'lesbian' doesn't fit (it may in the future but not now). So my first guess was either you have been with guys and it didn't 'feel right' emotionally or that you are curious about guys. It was just a guess I made going off the information you gave (not much). If I was wrong, I was wrong, no harm intended.

    There are other reasons you may not be comfortable with 'lesbian'.

    Maybe some part of your brain doesn't want to accept 'lesbian' because you would be a complete outsider for not liking guys (strong motivator at 17 whether you realise it or not) and saying 'bi' makes you closer to fitting in because saying bi means that like straight girls you like guys but you happen like girls too.

    ---------- Post added 31st Aug 2013 at 11:17 AM ----------

    I like looking at girls I think they are pretty but I have next to zero desire to have sex with them. So, another possibility is you are the opposite of me. And that one can be confusing. Hell I have identified as gay for almost 4 years (before that it was bi for the reason listed above). But after years of kicking around the bi/gay question I am 99.999% sure I'm gay. I find females pretty but don't desire sex with them. I have played with a few couples since then (ok so I actually showed up to play with him and she wound up joining in) and yup I'm gay.
    These are just a couple more guesses as to why you are waffling and me giving an example and saying the same thing I'd say to anyone that isn't sure. Always play safe and if your unsure explore and have fun enjoying the journey of finding your sexuality, it isn't a race and in time your sexuality will find you.

    I wish like hell at 17 I would have been as open with myself as you are. But I got here and you will too.
     
  5. ChromeNerd

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    Thanks for replying. I'm one of those weird people who would rather be gay than bi. When I identify as lesbian I notice attractive guys, if I identify as bi my attraction to guys disappears. I'm basically a socially awkward nerd with no friends, so I don't have a lot of opportunities to experiment. I've tried making friends, but I just can't. :frowning2:
     
  6. Argentwing

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    Why wrestle with labels? If you're often bi, just say you're bi. You don't have to meet a quota of liking a certain amount of guys per month to claim it.

    I guess it all depends on whether you want to make a commitment to women or not. But the beauty is, you don't need to. Labels exist to fit people, not the other way around. My orientation varies significantly, often times flirting with totally gay or totally straight. But I know in time it'll come back around, so I just go with the flow. :slight_smile:
     
  7. ChromeNerd

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    I don't really want to be bi. I've come out as bi before, but most people assume I'm straight(going through a phase) or mostly into guys if they even believe I'm bi. I guess I look too feminine. I don't even have to pretend to like guys. People just assume I like any guys I chat with or look at. I don't blame them, I don't really take bisexuals seriously either. Especially if they are girly party girls.