I don't expect that anything will be better because I wrote this but I just need to say it out. I've spent the whole week worrying about the quiz I posted about a few days ago and it's not going away, and it's just a certainty at this point that my anxiety is going to gnaw away at my sanity for the foreseeable future. I see my therapist once every three months, and mom wants me to see him less often to save money. I wish I could take Xanax all the time but I only have 10 doses to last 13 weeks, and I'm already down to 8. Meanwhile, I don't even get to play video games in peace because mom's paranoid about people getting addicted to them. Meanwhile, I'm already 22 and with no hope of finding a boyfriend anytime soon. I don't even know any gay people in real life, and I don't dare go out and socialize. It's not so much that I'm scared of being outed, because I'm already out, but I'm scared of meeting new people in general. And I'm not attractive enough that anyone would be attracted to me even if I did meet new people. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in a university course I didn't want to choose, but I need to graduate if I ever want to get away from here. And some people tell me that I need to change my mindset about my anxieties. Gee, that's helpful. And of course, I think a lot about suicide but I don't dare to do anything about it, not least because it's illegal and I don't want to attempt suicide, fail at it, and be arrested (I wonder if I'll get into trouble for posting this too).
This is your problem. Why do you think you are afraid? I am also generally hesitant about meeting new people. So you know what I did, I emailed the coordinator of mentor program through a local gay organization. The guy was several years older then me. I wasn't "interested" in him, but just wanted help meeting new people and this person obviously is a new person. I was nervous as hell going to have coffee with him this morning! But you know what, you have to ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO force yourself to just do it. You have nothing to lose. It isn't easy, trust me I know. But nothing will get better for you UNLESS you force change in your life. Does your university offer any support groups, maybe not even geared toward gay people just something were you can get some support?
Find your favorite LGBT hookup application on your phone and create a profile with the primary text being, "Looking for a local LGBT support/social group. Can you recommend anything?" They can be used for good as well as evil..
