well i have been on paxil for going on 2 months now and i am going through hell and they increased my dose and i thought i was bad enough before now my emotions are everywhere and i found out my long distance boyfriend is talking to another girl and treating her like he used to treat me my heart is shattered and that was 2 or 3 days ago i ended up relapsing again but now i don't think you can call it a relapse because its happened a few times in the past few months already i ended up hurting myself its gotten worse and he was starting to get annoyed with me but he never told me that it was getting that bad and he would yell at me for trying to start conversations and my memory is getting bad and i have become less stable he knew i had BPD and dystemic disorder when he agreed to be my bf he said he would help in any way he could but now i feel abandoned and even more depressed i have been suffering for so long and its hard to remember why i'm holding on i get so lonely and i feel myself shutting down i have tried to get help countless times and it never works and i have been hurt in many ways and in ways i don't really want to remember its not my fault that my emotions are all over and after this recent blow i just want to curl up and lock myself down so i cant be hurt again i trusted him i loved him i reached out to him for support in my darkest hour and i end up feeling betrayed i don't know what to do anymore i'm so lost and i have noone
First of all, if your medication isn't achieving the desired affect, then that's something you need to talk to your doctor about - that could be a big first step to getting things settled here, but it's not something that most staff on EC are equipped to help with. As for your boyfriend, though - it sounds, from your last comment ("I have noone") that you're asking for a lot of support from him. Now, this is fine, but no one person is probably going to be able to provide the support that you need, particularly if they're not a professional (and even if your boyfriend was a therapist, you're not his patient). What kind of potential do you have for forming more of a support network elsewhere? I'm assuming you have a doctor to begin with, and you're talking to people on EC, which is great. Do you have any other people in your life you could talk to? Friends, family, co-workers, employers, teachers, school counselors (even if you're not at the school anymore), or so forth?
no i don't i kind of pushed everyone out after they hurt me and all my friends hurt me at some point and i just feel like i don't know them anymore or don't want to my relationship towards others is fragile if i get hurt i cant feel the same way no matter how hard i try and my family doesn't make me feel better so i kicked them out of knowing how i feel long ago i have pretty much closed down now its to the point i sleep all the time and i have been on about 5 different meds since i was 13 and i have tried counseling and it never worked i have wasted years of my life and he made me happy he used to encourage me but now i don't feel the same i feel so lonely and BPD makes it so meds are hard to find and i know there is no cure only cover ups and that hurts it makes relationships difficult and i wanted to admit myself but my grandpa kept telling me he cant take me
I've been on meds since I was 13 as well and have been on paxil for a while (40mg/day). It is a very popular med these days commonly prescripted to OCD sufferers but if you feel it's not working for you, you should talk to your doctor. Most doctors won't admit you in a hospital unless one shows suicidal tendencies, but considering you have hurted yourself before you should talk to your doctor and he may consider it as an option. Whatever you decide make sure to consult it with a professional, don't act by yourself, never! Good luck.
my med doctor told me that if i feel like hurting myself i should admit myself and i have wanted to for a long time but i cant drive and i have cuts on my arms and its getting hard to hide them
