Since my accepting of my sexuality a month ago (to the day, that's gone quick), I've got to the point where I'm just so stuck. I've done all that I can do for the moment, told a small handful of people, and now it's just... Before, I was up and down, but at least it was something. Now it's just nothing. Apart from a general feeling of loneliness and low moods. Don't know how to move forward or where to go from here. I thought things would get better after the initial 'I really don't want to be gay' bit. But nothing is... In fact, it's getting worse. I don't have any friends close enough to talk to about it. You guys are great, but... Online, it's just not the same as a real chat and a real hug. I think I'm slipping into a bout of depression. I've had it on and off for years. I don't know. My anxiety is bad, and I'm not eating much, I'm losing weight which I can't afford to do. Everything is so messed up. I live with my mum and her partner, and it's difficult. He's very manipulative and we don't like each other. We're moving house, out of the area I've grown up in, and know and love. Moving out on my own with my son, connor, is just not possible at the moment. September is one of my favourite times of year. But it's also a reminder of the time i met my ex, the time he left me, and the time the violence got bad enough for social services to be involved. Connor's being a little shit lately, and it's getting very difficult. Plus he keeps having awful eczema flare ups where he needs to be bandaged throughout the day, and must be hell for him. He's just a typical nearly 3 year old, but at the moment, it feels worse than it actually is.
I think you're right - it does sound like you're experiencing some depression, or at least depressive thought patterns. Which is not to say the situation doesn't sound like a tough one - you do seem to have a lot going on right now. How have you dealt with depression in the past? Do you know any coping mechanisms that you could try now? And regarding the people you've come out to - can you talk to any of them about this? Coming out isn't just a single conversation, for that matter - it's often just the beginning, including the conversation you have to have with yourself. Try to eat when you can - even just small meals like soup and crackers will help keep your system on a schedule and provide some sort of nutrition. Try to focus on things other than your ex - the time of year can definitely be a trigger, but maybe you can try to make the days look as different as possible from what they used to. Maybe there are some new routines you could make for yourself. And keep opening up to whomever you can there. In the meantime, I know they're not real-time, but you can have (*hug*) from me.
